Hi

[nChrist]

Hello Dave,

I was just thinking that it's unknown how long it's been since you've experienced any peace with all that's going on. With that in mind, maybe the end results of this will be a positive thing. I'm sure that living in warfare under your own roof gets old pretty quick. I'll be hoping and praying that God works everything out for your good. Things may also be better for your son. Maybe the best is yet to come and you'll experience a peace that you haven't known in many years.

In the meantime, know that you'll be in my prayers. Please keep us posted and let us know if there is something more specific we need to pray for.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[DGB454]

Thanks Tom,

  I have been "exercising some demons" lately. I guess I should say God has been pointing out
a few things I need to fix.

  Laying awake in bed a few nights ago long after I went to bed I couldn't sleep. I had already done
my nightly devotionals and couldn't fall asleep. I've had a lot of slepless nights since my wife told me
she was leaving. That night God brought to my mind what I had also done in my relationship with my
wife. It broke me. I had been selfish. I don't think I was selfish on purpose but I was selfiish.
I held our relationship up to a standard no one could live up to.

  I grew up in a very loving home. I never saw conflict between my parents. They always kept that
part from us kids. That was my image of what married life was all abouit. No conflict. My wife on the
other hand came from a broken home that saw conflict all the time.When my own marriage hit snags
I didn't know how to deal with it properly. I didn't realize it then but I think I blamed her. I think I
expected her to be perfect even when I wasn't. I didn't see my imperfections.

  My wife keeps telling me she never felt good enough and that she could never measure up to my standards.
I never understood what she meant. She could never point to a time when I made her feel like she wasn't
good enough. So I just passed it off as her imagination.  I was wrong.  I was holding us both up to a standard
that was impossible to obtain.

  Anyway. I should have tried to understand and try to see things from where she came from. I should have been selfless in my marriage. I wasn't.

 Fortunately She hadn't gone to bed yet so I went into the room across the hall where she is sleeping now and we had a long talk. I told her what God revealed to me and that I was sorry for putting her through that. I told
her it was OK to blame me and to hate me. She said she wouldn't do that and was happy I shared that with her.


 We have talked more deeply the last few days since then than we have in years. I know she is still leaving and it still hurts like crazy. I know I have issues that I need God to reveal still and so does she. At least we won't part hating each other. Maybe at the moment that's the best I can hope for.

 God is doing a work in us and it scares the hell out of me literally. I don't want to go through this pain and I don't want that for her either.  But who am i to questions God and his ways? I'll just hold on and pray that we can both glorify him when it's over.

God Bless,
Dave

[nChrist]

Brother Dave,

I really don't know what to tell you with these recent developments. Of course, neither of you are perfect, and a guilt-trip is pretty common from one or both parties. However, I also know there are many things beyond your control that aren't your fault. I saw my share of domestic problems over a 25 year career in law enforcement. You can't blame yourself for all that's gone wrong (i.e. her mental condition, another man, etc.). You appear to be at a most difficult point:  trying to decide if you want to try some more to save this marriage. Nobody can answer that but you, and the involvement already of another man I'm sure is a key issue. Who knows what God will lead you to do. In the meantime, just know that you're in my prayers.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[DGB454]

Tom,

  I understand I am not the only one at fault here but I have to deal with my part in it.
I'm not going to try and salvage my marraige at this point. Too much has happened the
last few years and I think we both need time to heal and figure things out.  I'm trying
to follow Gods prompting and get the healing started. I'm not sure if there will ever
be a future for us again but I can't worry about that now. I am trying to learn from my
mistakes and move forward the best I can.  The pain will be with me for a long time.(maybe forever)
If that's the case then I guess that will just make me lean on God more.

Thanks for the wise counsel and the prayers.

Dave

[nChrist]

Hello Brother Dave,

It sounds to me like you're already on the right path, especially the leaning on God part. Keep us posted and let us know if there is something more specific we need to pray for. In the meantime - KEEP LOOKING UP!

Love In Christ,
Tom