"MARRED: SO HE MADE IT AGAIN"
by F.B. Meyer
1847-1929
The one trouble of my life, years ago, was just this about which I am speaking now. God was dealing with me. I suppose He wanted to make me a vessel fit for His use. But there was one point in my life where I fought God as the clay fights the hand of the potter. I fought God, I will not say for how long. God help me! The only benefit that I can get now out of those years the canker worm has eaten, is to discover the secret in other lives while they too are standing still, and then to take them to the Christ to whom I went myself, and to encourage them to hope that He who years ago took up a spoiled and marred life and made a little of it, will take other men and women and will find out where they have thwarted Him; and finding it out, will touch them there, and as they yield to Him they will be made again.
Now what is the point in your life where you obstruct God? Allow me to search you.
WHERE IS IT?People come to me and speak of the different points in which they have thwarted God. A man came to me one day and said that when I was in a certain convention I asked all those who wanted to be wholly for God to stand up. He refused to stand, and for months his will rose up and said:
"Who is this man that I should stand up when he bids me?"
For months he fought this feeling, until not long ago he came to me and said:
"Come and pray! I want to confess that I have been fighting the will of God for months, and I am wretched. Help me to get peace."
I was once staying with another man, a pastor. I had said nothing about smoking,--I never do single out sins,--I had not alluded to the habit; but one day we were walking along a street that led over a river, and to my surprise as we got to the apex of the bridge he took his tobacco--pouch and pipe and threw them over, and said:
"There, I have settled that."
Then, turning to me, he said: " I know, Mr. Meyer, you have said nothing about it; but for the last few months God has been asking me to set a new example to my young men, and I said: ' Why should not I do as I like, and they as they like?' God was searching me, and I was fighting Him; but it is all. settled now, sir, it is all done now."
A bright young girl, at the end of one of my addresses, was waiting about, and I said to her:
"Come, my girl, I am quite sure that you have got nothing to see me about."
"O," she said, "I have, sir. I remember that three or four years ago, when I was a girl at school, one of my companions asked me to go out and get some candy for her. I got it, but I kept back half the money for myself. That sin has been working in my mind. It seems as if God keeps saying, 'Confess, confess, restore'; but, sir, I have been fighting it for the last month or two. It looks so stupid to do a little thing like that."
I said: "My dear child, nothing is stupid that is going to please God and put you right with His will."
A man came to me and said: " I cannot understand it, sir, but it seems as if God is blotted out of my life.
I used to be so happy."
I said: "How is it?"
Said he: " I think it has to do with my treatment of my brother. He served me cruelly over my father's will, and I said I would never forgive him. I am sorry I said it, but he has been going from bad to worse, has lost his wife and child, and is now on a bed of death, and I cannot go to him because I said I never would."
I said: " My friend, it is better to break a bad vow than keep it. Go."
He went, and the smile of God met him just there. Sixteen years ago I was a minister in a Midland town in England, not at all happy, doing my work for the pay I got, but holding a good position amongst my fellows. Hudson Taylor and two young students came into my life. I watched them. They had something I had not. Those young men stood there in all their strength and joy. I said to Charles Studd:
"What is the difference between you and me? You seem so happy, and I somehow am in the trough of the wave."
He replied: "There is nothing that I have got which you may not have, Mr. Meyer."
But I asked: "How am I to get it?"
"Well," he said, "have you given yourself right up to God?"
I winced. I knew that if it came to that, there was a point where I had been fighting my deepest convictions for months. I had lived away from it, but when I came to the Lord's table and handed out the bread and wine, then it met me; or when I came to a convention or meeting of holy people, something stopped me as I remembered this. It was the one point where my will was entrenched. I thought I would do something with Christ that night which would settle it one way or the other, and I met Christ. You will forgive a man who owes everything to one night in his life if to help other men he opens his heart for a moment. I knelt in my room and gave Christ the ring of my will with the keys on it, but kept one little key back, the key of a closet in my heart, in one back story in my heart. He said to me, "Are they all here?" And I said: "All but one." "What is that?" said He.