Owner seeks peace and is willing to trade cat for either a goldfish, or a pet rock.
She will not come when called, but may show up at inopportune moments, and has a knack for opening doors.
She cannot remember if she is an indoor or outdoor pet, and will spend an entire afternoon trying to decide.
She will beg unabashedly at the table, but ignores anything she receives.
She refuses to jump in your lap, but will scare a sleeping person to death by launching onto their stomach.
She has no qualms about leaving small dead things on floor mats, steps and pillows.
She sees nothing wrong with bringing live rodents indoors.
She will lay motionless in the hall all day, only to tear suddenly through the house like an idiot.
She will disappear for hours, only to leap from under the bed and fix her teeth in an innocent human's ankle.
She has a special talent for leaving a trail of regurgitated catfood the length of a human foot.
She will chase large dogs out of the yard, but runs in terror from laundry baskets.
She finds fulfillment in frequently biting the hand that feeds her.
She will ignore her owner all day, until they are on the phone; then she will squall in a loud and insistent voice that travels over the airways.
