Christian Parenting
by Edward Bickersteth
Improper friendships which children are allowed to form with others, whether of a similar, or of an older age, but especially of the latter - often ruin the best laid plans for education. Children are so soon captivated by delusive and spurious appearances of superior wisdom, and by the vain promises of liberty and pleasure; that one evening spent amidst the fascinations of worldly society, may unsettle and permanently injure their young and inexperienced minds.
Amid the common complaints of lack of success in the bringing up of children, complaints which are often heard from Christian parents - it is pleasant to contemplate those instances which sometimes occur, as in the families of Mr. Richmond, where more gratifying results have been realized.
The inquiry is most interesting, and most important - whence arises this difference?
A customary resource for consolation, and almost for justification, in cases of an unhappy description, is the doctrine of the sovereignty of God.
Often, however, this great and solemn doctrine is brought in as an excuse for parental neglect, when it would be just as reasonable to assign it as an excuse for exposing your child to a pestilence, or for leaving him, in sickness, without medical aid.
The cases above alluded to, and others quite numerous enough to form a rule, and not an exception, show that when certain means are used - the corresponding results may be expected to follow; and that the failure of the parent's hopes - may generally be traced to their own deficiency in their conduct.
In speaking however of means - a word perhaps inadequate - it is desirable to use that word in its utmost extent - to look upon it not merely as comprehending a certain routine of duties, but as embracing the whole obligation of the parent to the child.
The first and main obligation is Love. It is to be feared that the real root of the mischief of which we are speaking, little as it may be suspected, lies in a deficiency here.
Parents are lacking in a deep sense of the real worth and danger of their children's souls! They wish and hope that they may be serious and godly; but it is a sort of faint, ineffectual wish; not that ardent desire, that unceasing anxiety which filled Mr. Richmond's mind; not that love which made Paul exclaim, "My little children, of whom I travail in birth again, until Christ is formed in you."
From these feeble hopes and languid wishes, flow cold and formal prayers, offered as a duty - not as the inmost desire of the soul. There is no wrestling for the children, with the "I will not let you go except you bless me!" of Augustine's mother. Nor are these the prayers of faith; nor can they be expected to bring down blessings - since the promise is, "Whatever you shall ask, believing, you shall receive." They are often offered up from a mere sense of duty, without any expectation, and almost without any sincere desire, that they should be answered. With such weak and faint impressions of heavenly concerns, we may expect to find their children clinging firmly to the world. Just in proportion as the one is undervalued, the other is sure to be overestimated. The interests of the present life are eagerly sought after, the affairs of eternity postponed: hence all manner of temptations creep in.
A Christian parent had once, led by prospects of worldly advancement, placed his son beyond the reach of the public means of grace, and in the midst of manifold temptations. The son was shortly after on a visit to his father; and the parent prayed, in his family worship, that the boy might be preserved, amidst the various perils of his situation. The youth reflected, "Why does my father put me into the devil's mouth - and then pray to God that the devil may not be allowed to swallow me up?" Surely to have occasioned such a reflection from a child, must have been very painful to the parent?
The result of this line of conduct, half-Christian, and half-worldly, is to bring up a race of young people acquainted with the truths of religion, but without any effectual feeling of its power. They are thus in a worse situation than even the more ignorant - since the sound of the gospel can hardly reach the latter without some awakening of the conscience - whereas on the former everything that can be said falls as a mere repetition of what had been fully known for years, but never deeply or effectually felt.
The spirit of Mr. Richmond, then - his fervent love for his children's souls, his never-ceasing concern, his constant watchfulness, his daily and hourly prayers, not of form but of faith - furnish unitedly a model, to which the attention of Christian parents may be most advantageously directed.
Resting in the form of godliness without its life and power - is one of the great dangers to which the church is peculiarly exposed in this day of general profession. And parents had need be very watchful that they do not unawares foster the most dangerous self-deception in their children, by giving them credit for genuine regeneration and conversion, where there has been nothing more than excited natural feelings without any real spiritual change. When the young possess nothing more that what naturally amiable dispositions under religious culture may easily produce, they are soon overset in the rough sea of this world's trials and temptations. Let parents beware of too soon speaking peace and rest to an awakened mind, or a troubled conscience.
