DISCUSSION FORUMS
MAIN MENU
Home
Help
Advanced Search
Recent Posts
Site Statistics
Who's Online
Forum Rules
Bible Resources
• Bible Study Aids
• Bible Devotionals
• Audio Sermons
Community
• ChristiansUnite Blogs
• Christian Forums
• Facebook Apps
Web Search
• Christian Family Sites
• Top Christian Sites
• Christian RSS Feeds
Family Life
• Christian Finance
• ChristiansUnite KIDS
Shop
• Christian Magazines
• Christian Book Store
Read
• Christian News
• Christian Columns
• Christian Song Lyrics
• Christian Mailing Lists
Connect
• Christian Singles
• Christian Classifieds
Graphics
• Free Christian Clipart
• Christian Wallpaper
Fun Stuff
• Clean Christian Jokes
• Bible Trivia Quiz
• Online Video Games
• Bible Crosswords
Webmasters
• Christian Guestbooks
• Banner Exchange
• Dynamic Content

Subscribe to our Free Newsletter.
Enter your email address:

ChristiansUnite
Forums
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 12, 2017, 04:44:39 PM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
277965 Posts in 26514 Topics by 3790 Members
Latest Member: Goodwin
* Home Help Search Login Register
+  ChristiansUnite Forums
|-+  Entertainment
| |-+  Laughter (Good Medicine) (Moderator: admin)
| | |-+  SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Go Down Print
Author Topic: SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER  (Read 4220 times)
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4752


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« on: November 07, 2007, 11:52:07 PM »

Before I tuck myself in for the night I have to share this very creative and funny email from my daughter.  I wonder where she gets it?Huh   Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin


SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my behind.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


Have a wonderful day....


Oh, by the way.....


A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
Shammu
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 32182


B(asic) I(nstructions) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth)


View Profile WWW
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2007, 12:02:39 AM »



Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4752


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2007, 07:59:30 AM »



Yeah she's a funny girl!  My whole family are a bunch of characters.  You should be around our Thanksgiving table.  Our sides ache and it's not from eating too much turkey!
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4752


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2007, 07:21:13 PM »

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.

Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 60614


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2007, 08:11:03 PM »

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.



 Grin   Grin   I thought it was hilarious, and I haven't heard it before. What really makes this funny is that most of us have probably received spam emails like this. I finally have the spam under control after many years. I gave up fighting it and take only mail from folks in my address book. SO, I probably put several spammers out of business that had a career of sending me everything under the sun from around the world.   Grin

   
Logged

Shammu
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 32182


B(asic) I(nstructions) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth)


View Profile WWW
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2007, 08:51:33 PM »

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.



Sister it is still a good one......................
Logged

TigerLily
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 730


Laugh often,long & loud.Laugh until you feel it!


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2007, 05:32:38 PM »

I just read this and I have to say this is soo funny cause im sure i have read or heard of every thing in this letter hehe.. oka dn the part that got me the most is..

Quote
A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

BECAUSE>>>> I was literally reading it with my hand on the flippin mouse ROFL.. oh my,
ty GrammyLuv for posting it and giving me a good LOL..

Hugs
Tigerlily
Logged

Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4752


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2007, 04:16:05 AM »

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.



She actaully told me when we had lunch the other day about not writing it, but I just came across an email she must've wrote before we talked. 

I didn't write it you silly sausage.  Ha Ha!  But thanks for the credit!  I'm sure I could have come up with something like this in one of my typical rants! 
 
Love you,
 
-Rabbit


Just wait til I get her for calling me a "silly sausage"!  Cheesy Cheesy

Her name is Jessica (Jessi), but when she was 3 she decided to give those around her animal nicknames.  Her's is the only one that stuck!  She is 33 now and we still call her "Rabbit"!  Cheesy
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
Pages: [1] Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  



More From ChristiansUnite...    About Us | Privacy Policy | | ChristiansUnite.com Site Map | Statement of Beliefs



Copyright © 1999-2016 ChristiansUnite.com. All rights reserved.
Please send your questions, comments, or bug reports to the

Powered by SMF 1.1 RC2 | SMF © 2001-2005, Lewis Media