SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

[HisDaughter]

Before I tuck myself in for the night I have to share this very creative and funny email from my daughter.  I wonder where she gets it?   


SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my behind.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


Have a wonderful day....


Oh, by the way.....


A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Shammu]

[HisDaughter]

Yeah she's a funny girl!  My whole family are a bunch of characters.  You should be around our Thanksgiving table.  Our sides ache and it's not from eating too much turkey!

[HisDaughter]

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.

[nChrist]

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.

       I thought it was hilarious, and I haven't heard it before. What really makes this funny is that most of us have probably received spam emails like this. I finally have the spam under control after many years. I gave up fighting it and take only mail from folks in my address book. SO, I probably put several spammers out of business that had a career of sending me everything under the sun from around the world.   

   

[Shammu]

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.

Sister it is still a good one......................

[TigerLily]

I just read this and I have to say this is soo funny cause im sure i have read or heard of every thing in this letter hehe.. oka dn the part that got me the most is..

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

BECAUSE>>>> I was literally reading it with my hand on the flippin mouse ROFL.. oh my,
ty GrammyLuv for posting it and giving me a good LOL..

Hugs
Tigerlily

[HisDaughter]

I have to submit a correction on this.  As funny as my daughter is and with the sarcastic fun this email was written being so like her, she has informed me today that she did not write it.  Sorry and forgive me for giving her the credit, for something that she is sooooooo capable of but did not do in this case.

She actaully told me when we had lunch the other day about not writing it, but I just came across an email she must've wrote before we talked. 

I didn't write it you silly sausage.  Ha Ha!  But thanks for the credit!  I'm sure I could have come up with something like this in one of my typical rants! 
 
Love you,
 
-Rabbit

Just wait til I get her for calling me a "silly sausage"! 

Her name is Jessica (Jessi), but when she was 3 she decided to give those around her animal nicknames.  Her's is the only one that stuck!  She is 33 now and we still call her "Rabbit"!