A Safe Haven of Kindness

[Debp]

I enjoyed this article and thought others might, too.

Written by Joe Beckler

I was 12 years old when I participated in my first Boy Scout camp. As my activity for the week, I signed up for the archery course because I’d always wanted to learn and because I knew the archery instructor. He was a 16-year-old from my Boy Scout troop. As a 12-year-old, I looked up to this guy. He seemed cool and I wanted to be like him.

The first day of archery class I was filled with anxiety. I didn’t understand how to use the equipment and was clumsily attempting to load an arrow when I noticed that the other boys had finished dispensing their arrows and were watching me. I slowly, awkwardly shot my first arrow and was struggling to notch another arrow when the 16-year-old instructor approached me and picked up one of my arrows. “Man,” he said, “I can throw these arrows faster than you can shoot them. What’s your problem?” Everyone laughed as he picked up my remaining arrows and threw them at the target.

My heart sank as I felt his ridicule pierce my soul. I put down my equipment, quietly sat with the other boys and shamefully endured the rest of class. As I left the archery range, dragging my feet down the dirt road, I pledged to never come back to that class. My 12-year-old confidence and self-esteem suffered a wound. It was a bitter gash that contributed to the way I saw myself as a teenager.

We’ve all experienced moments in which we suffered ridicule and felt shot by arrows of unkindness. A parent’s careless words, a friend’s betrayal, a co-worker’s slander — such experiences create painful wounds in our lives, shaping the way we view ourselves and others.

A Safe Haven

Whereas unkindness destroys the spirit, kindness does the opposite. Kindness uplifts and offers hope. The apostle Paul understood this when he wrote about the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. Like the other qualities mentioned, kindness is a virtue evident in the life of a Christ-follower. The Christian, instead of dispensing arrows of unkindness, should offer a safe haven where kindness is given to wounded souls.

Our world is like a battlefield, with arrows of hatred flying constantly. Eventually, we’re hit with one or maybe a series of darts that carry verbal or physical poison. All of us need to know there are places where we can find soothing words of kindness rather than ridicule. The Christian is called to be such a place — an island of kindness in a sea of hurt. But kindness doesn’t happen by accident. In a world where we’re conditioned by cruelty, true and authentic kindness occurs only when the Holy Spirit brings forth the attribute. Man-made kindness wears thin, but spirit-made kindness has an eternal shelf life.

Breaking the Cycle

Jesus understood that the only way to break the cycle of hatred in our world is to offer kindness. This is why He gives a radical message in Matthew 5:38-48, commanding His followers to love even our enemies.

Kindness is far more powerful than unkindness. Yet, for all its power, kindness is the road less traveled since it seems easier to walk a path of anger in responding to others. Offering kindness to those who hate us seems ridiculous, because love doesn’t permit revenge — which is what our offenders really need to fix them, right? Yet every time we fight back with unkindness, we contribute to that cycle of hatred and pain. The only way to break the cycle is with kindness and love.

Kindness is about going the extra mile. Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:41 that “if someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” He was referring to a practice of the Roman soldiers who occupied Palestine. A Roman soldier, at any time, could demand that someone (usually a Jew) carry his pack and gear for a certain distance. To refuse meant punishment. Jesus was teaching that anger wasn’t the solution to the unkindness shown by the Romans toward the Jews. Instead, Jesus insisted that the Jews, when forced to carry a soldier’s gear, should offer to carry it double the distance. Instead of reacting with anger, Jesus tells His followers to serve up kindness.

When we pursue a life of love toward all people, we’ll understand the heart of God’s kindness. Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” referring to the love and kindness of God. The Greek word used for “perfect” in this verse carries the idea of completeness. Jesus is saying that the love and kindness of God is complete and distributed equally among all people. God loves all people, even those who oppose Him. As verse 45 explains, God gives life freely and equally to those who love Him as well as those who oppose Him. He shows kindness with no partiality, so that all might see His goodness and eventually embrace His love.

Matthew 5:38-48 offers tips as to how kindness can interrupt patterns of hatred. Read through this passage and identify the ways Jesus calls His followers to show kindness. How do you handle the hard-to-love people in your life? What specific ways can you go the extra mile to dissolve anger and serve up kindness?

A Glimpse of God

Jesus was a lover of His friends and enemies, and the same must be true of us. Our enemies especially need to see our kindness, so they can receive a glimpse of the loving nature of God. It’s through God’s kindness, flowing through our lives, that people will discover a shielded place where arrows of unkindness are absent and wounds can heal. So we must learn to be safe havens even to those who hate us. This impossible task can come about only through God’s love in us.

When we discover a lifestyle of kindness, however, we’ll also discover personal freedom. When we learn to go the extra mile with our enemies, we’ll find God’s healing hand upon our own wounds, soothing past unkindness and transforming us into agents of hope. Kindness from God, dwelling within our souls, is where a journey of healing and freedom begins, helping us become safe havens that shield others from ridicule, preventing further unkindness from spreading in the world.

Showing kindness to those you love is easy. But consider showing kindness to your adversaries. List three people with whom you have ongoing struggles. Pray over the names. Ask the Holy Spirit to make you a safe haven of kindness for these individuals.

[islandboy]

Kindness to others is indeed what helps break the cycle, and the pain and the anger, the want of revenge. Having gone through such ridicule and mental abuse as a child I know how dishearting it can be. But at a early age I learned instead of fighting "fire with fire", I used love and compassion and kindness in the face of my enemies. And with God's help through prayer and giving thanks onto him I won, the hearts of many.

[Jon-Marc]

As a victim of unkind words all through my childhood and teen years and then being married to a woman who constantly criticized me, I know how destructive words can be. I think of a horse as the rider tries to break the horse's will without breaking his spirit. Once the horse's spirit is broken, he's pretty much useless. My dad broke my spirit. Peers added to that by their constant criticism of my shyness (and my second-hand clothes) caused by my abusive dad. In the military I was told that I was lower that whale manure. An abusive wife didn't help, but at least I could divorce her. Life in general hasn't helped any. Many people are so unkind and uncaring. I try to live the way God says to live and treat others as I want to be treated, but it isn't easy. Mostly, I just prefer to be by myself where there's no one criticizing me. Being retired I can do that most of the time.

[Soldier4Christ]

Kindness to others is indeed what helps break the cycle, and the pain and the anger, the want of revenge. Having gone through such ridicule and mental abuse as a child I know how dishearting it can be. But at a early age I learned instead of fighting "fire with fire", I used love and compassion and kindness in the face of my enemies. And with God's help through prayer and giving thanks onto him I won, the hearts of many.

Amen!

It is of importance that we realize every minute, every second of the day that we are not trying to please others but God only. He is the one and only one that truly counts. With Him we can overcome all such abuses and not be afraid to face others. We do have a need to do so as we do have the need to be able to witness to others. As Christians we will face abuse of others and we have the sincere need to be able to deal with negative criticism without it bothering us.

I'm sure there are those that are saying right now, "It's easy for him to say." I can sympathize with Jon-Marc in some of what he said. As a child my parents were financially poor. I not only wore second hand clothes but hand-me-downs. The problem with that is that all of my older brothers were twice my size. Pants that were a size 32" waist and 30" inseam when I was a boys size 14. I had bailing twine for a belt. Yep, a hillbilly living in the north. You can imagine I received a lot of ridicule from the other kids. In the Military it was not only whale manure but slime, dirtbag and few other choice names.

I am not saying any of this for sympathy as I know and thank God that it could have been much worse. We must keep in mind who we are in Christ and to stand accordingly. Remember the clothing that John the Baptist wore and those things that he had to eat yet he was considered a great man of God. We are "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:
Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy".

[Debp]

As a victim of unkind words all through my childhood and teen years and then being married to a woman who constantly criticized me, I know how destructive words can be. I think of a horse as the rider tries to break the horse's will without breaking his spirit. Once the horse's spirit is broken, he's pretty much useless. My dad broke my spirit. Peers added to that by their constant criticism of my shyness (and my second-hand clothes) caused by my abusive dad. In the military I was told that I was lower that whale manure. An abusive wife didn't help, but at least I could divorce her. Life in general hasn't helped any. Many people are so unkind and uncaring. I try to live the way God says to live and treat others as I want to be treated, but it isn't easy. Mostly, I just prefer to be by myself where there's no one criticizing me. Being retired I can do that most of the time.

Jon-Marc, I am so sorry for the abuse you received as a child, and then the other abuses throughout your life.  Although many of us suffered abuse from classmates, I think it is so much harder when one suffers abuse from a parent.  Because the home should be a place where the child can return to and receive some comfort, even when abused at school.

I pray that the Lord will heal your hurts more and more.....perhaps you can find some loving Christians as friends....even if you do not spend alot of time with them, just to know some nice people.  I pray this for you.  God bless you always.