The Secret to a Fantastic Marriage

[Lioness]

Okay...I know that God reveals information on how to do something really right to some so that they, in turn, can share what they have learned with others. If YOU know some of the secrets to having a fantastic marriage please share them with us.

I would appreciate some rubber-meets-the-road kind of advice rather than generic things like "respect him", "love him", etc.

Is it common interests? Is it tending to your own needs so you are happy and can meet his needs? Is it just accepting things the way they are... or is it striving to make things what you want them to be? ...Please share what you have learned. 

[La Gaile]

Okay...I know that God reveals information on how to do something really right to some so that they, in turn, can share what they have learned with others. If YOU know some of the secrets to having a fantastic marriage please share them with us.

I would appreciate some rubber-meets-the-road kind of advice rather than generic things like "respect him", "love him", etc.

Is it common interests? Is it tending to your own needs so you are happy and can meet his needs? Is it just accepting things the way they are... or is it striving to make things what you want them to be? ...Please share what you have learned. 

So, what can we do? The old saying is "When all else fails, read the directions." That is good advice. In this case, we need to pick up the Bible and see what God says about building a marriage which will work as He intended. Today we take a look at the directions He gives us in Ephesians 5:22-33. Friends, there are a lot of good books out there on how to have a better marriage. Books have been written by James Dobson, Gary Smalley, Dennis Rainey, etc., etc., but what we are going to explore today is far more important than all of them put together. God is the Creator of marriage. These are His instructions to us through Paul. These words apply to people who lived in Ephesus in 60 A.D., to folks in northern Minnesota in 1999, and to every time and place in between. In fact, they will apply to people who live in Zimbabwe in 2599, if Jesus doesn't return to earth before then. If we are to make our marriages work, we need to listen to what God has to say. Let's pray that the Lord would help us do that.

[Lioness]

I think this is a tough issue because it really does take two to tango, so to speak. One partner could be doing everything right that they know to do while the other may remain relatively clueless.  If both partners are not committed to putting the time and energy into the relationship that is needed, then an imbalance may occur, leaving one spouse feeling used and neglected. But, in this imperfect world there are many things that are not as they should be. On the other hand, we may be expecting too much from someone or not reading their behavior right, they may have a different love language, energy level, personality, etc.

Truth is...marriage takes work. Just as you must work at work or work at school, marriage is not a free and easy ride. You get out of it what you put into it.

 There are some interesting questions we can ask ourselves to kind of see where we are at and what we want. Like...If you were married to you, would you want you for a spouse?  What can you do that you are not doing to make it better? Are there some creative things or ways of doing things that you haven't tried yet that might make things more fun? What are your goals for your relationship and how do you plan on getting there? Are you always kind and considerate of your spouse's feelings? Do you ignore minor flaws and faults or are you always trying to fix each other up? Do you seek professional help if you need it? (You would see a doctor if you broke your leg, you should probably seek help if you have a broken relationship.) Are you really doing what it takes to make it work? Do you study your Bible and read good Christian books to get a marriage education or are you simply winging it?  How is winging it working for you? What things would you be doing for your spouse if you were trying to win them that you don't do because you are now married? (Are you taking your partner for granted?)

There are also differences of personality. Some people are strong, workaholic leaders. Some just want to have friends, & fun and help us to see the lighter side of life.  Some want to live a perfect, detailed,  quiet, orderly life. Some just want to be friendly, nice, relaxed, accepted, and loved for who they are, without having to prove themselves. When you mix two different personality types together... there is the perfect opportunity for differing views on life and for conflict, particularly if they do not understand that not everyone is alike and we have to make room for other people's ways and needs.

 Then there's the male, female issue. Then there's the coming from different families and cultures thing too.


I think what's really needed is a lot of love, acceptance of differences, and understanding, mixed with utter faithfulness. We need to always keep the positive aspects of our spouses in the forefront of our minds. We need to be diligent in trying to meet our spouse's needs. Most of all, we need to be obedient and faithful to God and to being Christlike. We need to put our spouse ahead of everyone but God and honor that relationship above everything else in life and if things are not working we need to be committed to doing whatever it takes to make it work.