god does answer prayers in his time not ours

[airIam2worship]

Amen. Brother Roger, and Brother Jerry.

Gina, this may not sound like something you might want to hear, but if he is lusting after her so much as to keep you in these emotional chains, he is not just committing adultery, but he is also committing emotional abuse. This is very unhealthy for you. Physically and spiritually.  Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
You didn't mention if he has started to go to church with you or not. But if he is not willing to get some marriage counseling from the pastor, than you should go by yourself.

I am praying for you on this matter Gina.

[gina]

he goes to church with me on sunday mornings, since he has come back he has gone one sunday night, and two wednesday nights.  i asked him last night if he would go talk to the pastor and he said he would think about it.  i then asked him if he would go with me to talk to the pastor and he said we'll see.  so well i just keep on praying that god is in control of my life and he knows what is in my heart.  thanks for praying for me.

god bless,

gina

[gina]

help, i didn't let sleeping dogs lie.  i asked earlier if i should email this lady or not, well i did this morning.  first i talked to him, and told him that he had to make a choice.  he was still having contact with her, emails, text messages adn a couple of phone calls.  he has told me that she was trying to fix things so that they could get back together.  i said this morning if you are waiting for her again you have to go back down to your mom's and get a lawyer, or if you decide to be here then there has to be no contact with her.  i said how many chances did you give her, and how many did i give you, he said lots.  but then i said you really haven't given me a chance.  i can't go on like this anymore.  being hurt for almost two years is long enough.  so he went to work and i sat down at this computer, and re-read her emails that she had sent me.  i got even more mad and upset.  so i called him at work and asked him to tell me not to email her, and he said i don't want you too but i can't ask you not to because she contacted you too.  so i let him go and prayed and then i sent it to her.  well she emailed back and said she wasn't going to read it, and that he would tell her what it said.  i emailed back that he couldn't i just emailed it to her.  she emailed back quote"he does now!!! i just forwarded it to him, i am on the phone with him now".  so he read it, and now is mad at me for a couple of things i put in it, that he did not want her to know about. like that he spent the night with me after my nephew's funeral and that we did something that night.  she had asked him if he had and he lied to her and told her no.  i told her the truth, i was fed up with him and her and tired of him always asking me not to tell her things to protect her from things, nobody protected me from them, not even myself i allowed him to use me when i shouldn't of.
so now he is mad, and right at the moment i don't care.  i am fed up, he has crushed my spirit i don't know how many times.  he says i did it for pay back, but i did not, i am just tired of always hurting, and him putting her first all the time.  i know i probably screwed this up for me and him to fix things but he did not want to commit to me because he was waiting to see if she could fix things for them to be together.  i am not sorry for sending it, and i told him i will not back down from this, that i finally got my back bone.

pray for me, that i did the right thing, that he will finally see what his decisions to do me.  that i had to do this for me.  i am tired of being walked all over by the both of them.

gina

[David_james]

All I'm going to say is divorce him. He has hurt you long enough

[Soldier4Christ]

I see nothing wrong with your giving him a choice and carrying out on it. It is indeed senseless to continue in any other manner.

[HimAll4]

Gina, unfortuneately, I can relate to where you are.
Please do not be offended by me saying so, but you are being dragged into a game you cannot win.  You need to set your boundaries, have NO contact with HER, and realize he is enjoying your engaging in the game.  You will not win by playing, and the only way to "win" is by setting boundaries, sticking to them, and RESTING in the PURE, UNADULTERED love that Christ has for you.  This is no fun, it hurts ALOT, but these are his choices.  Do not let his sinful choices bring you to a place where you become bitter and resentful.  The ripping apart of a marriage being painful?  YES, AND IT SHOULD BE!  But this is not by your doing.  These are his choices, and he WILL be held accountable for them.  Let him.

I'm praying for you, Sister.

[gina]

hi thank you all for your prayers, things are not good right now.  he spent the night, i slept on the couch.  he is trying to decide if he should stay or go once again.  i told him he could stay if he could be a husband to me the way he should be, and if he can give her up.  he says he doesn't think he can give her up.  and he doesn't know if he can treat me the way he should.  i said that is because you are all consumed with her, she pushed me out of your heart and now she is trying  to push me from your life.  i said you have some feelings for me or you would not have any trouble leaving this time.  but he doesn't want to look at them because of her.  she emailed me a nasty email, but i know that it was just in rebuttal to mine i sent her.  mine was almost 2 years of anger that i never got to direct at her.  i have been having migraines over this, and as soon as i sent it, all the tension left my body.  i prayed before i sent it too, so i know both helped.  he says this time he is finding it hard to leave because he feels like he is leaving his kids this time.  i think that is because he knows he is leaving because of her this time, because of his feelings for her.  i asked him to go talk with our pastor or another male friend and he wouldn't go.  i said they might have a different perspective than i do.  they are not in our sitution, they are not a female.  they understand male thinking more than i do.

just keep on praying that god will direct this matter. thanks for being there for me.  sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers and not face to face per say. 

gina

[HimAll4]

Was just wondering how you are doing, Gina.

[gina]

i am struggling, we talked and talked on saturday.  but not really about anything, sunday i went to choir practice, and he called me there, said he had talked to her and that she was going to back off for her, that the email i sent her bothered her, that she did not leave him alone to give me a chance.  i told him i wanted him to make the decision not her, not me.  he does not want to make the decision.  he then came to church for the evening service, we came home but made a stop at the local corner store for some munchies.  we came home and he went upstairs and i was putting the things away that we got, and our neice and nephews were over with their dad.  they asked where was he at and i said he went upstairs, i thought he was changing, but then i realized that he had on work clothes, so i went upstairs to change and he was on the phone with her, in our bedroom.  i went and sat on our stairs and cried a little.  he came out of the room, and i said this isn't going to work she couldn't even last 3 hours.  how is she going to back off.  i asked him what was more important, spending time here with us and his extended family, or spending time with her.  he said truth and i said yes, he said it is close.  he doesn't want to leave because he missses things here, but when he is not with her he misses her.  he wants to be able to date her and come and go as he pleases here.  i told him that does not work.  i told him this morning before he went to work that i can't do this if she is involved.  i wanted him to choose, so he would not come back at me that i made him choose.  that i made him give her up.  i asked him also if he wanted me to ask him to leave, and he said not really.  i just don't know anymore.  i had prepared my self that he was going to leave again.  i am just doing alot of praying.   i told him that when we talk and i close my eyes for a few minutes that i am praying, praying for him and for me that i will say the right things to him, also to think things through. 

i am so thankful for my home church praying for me, and for all of you praying for me.

in christ's abiding love,  i know jesus loves me, but i also need the physical love, someone to hug me, someone to hold me, someone to share my life with.

gina

[HimAll4]

in christ's abiding love,  i know jesus loves me, but i also need the physical love, someone to hug me, someone to hold me, someone to share my life with.

gina

Gina, I understand.  My heart is with yours on this whole situation, and I am praying.  Please know you are not alone.  These are very normal desires that God has given us women.  We are designed to be protected, and when our protector does not do as he should, those desires do not just go away.  But God CAN and WILL minister to you as you poor all your needs on Him. 

Praying, praying, and praying more.........

[gina]

thank you for that.  himall4,  i don't have love in my life, i don't get it from my family, my parents are out for themselves and always havee been.  they don't know how to love.  my father is a user, and i try not to be like him, and i know that with jesus in my life i won't be like him. i will be like jesus.  i strive to be like him.  i thought i had love with my husband, i knew there was something wrong years ago, and then things seemed to change for the better.  he says they didn't but they did.  i know my kids love me, but that is a different kind of love.  i am very insecure about love and my self.  i sometimes think i don't deserve to be loved by anyone.  but i know that is my low self esteem talking and i try not to listen to it that often. 

gina

[HimAll4]

Gina, your value is immeasurable.  You need to understand how much love God has for you.
I know you just don't feel loved, and I know you don't feel worth being loved, but you need to understand God's love needs no explaining.  It makes no sense to human minds, we none of us are worth it, yet it is REAL.  Please do not measure your value through the eyes of those who are around you, but only through God's eyes.  In Him alone will you really be able to understand just how valuable you are.
You know, there is something about His timing that I've been having my eyes opened to, and I believe I've been blessed to have found this site so I could just tell you how much love I have for you as a Sister, how much I want to be able to help bear your burden.
This is not a life we live in a vacuum.  We do have an impact on others, and what you are going through can be turned over to God for Him to use in order to bless another.
These are not just words.  I have to believe my experiences will be used to help others, and you need to believe the same. 
May God's abiding love rest on you in ways you could never imagine.  That's my prayer for you.

[def]

Gina, your value is immeasurable.  You need to understand how much love God has for you.
I know you just don't feel loved, and I know you don't feel worth being loved, but you need to understand God's love needs no explaining.  It makes no sense to human minds, we none of us are worth it, yet it is REAL.  Please do not measure your value through the eyes of those who are around you, but only through God's eyes.  In Him alone will you really be able to understand just how valuable you are.
You know, there is something about His timing that I've been having my eyes opened to, and I believe I've been blessed to have found this site so I could just tell you how much love I have for you as a Sister, how much I want to be able to help bear your burden.
This is not a life we live in a vacuum.  We do have an impact on others, and what you are going through can be turned over to God for Him to use in order to bless another.
These are not just words.  I have to believe my experiences will be used to help others, and you need to believe the same. 
May God's abiding love rest on you in ways you could never imagine.  That's my prayer for you.

hi! gina ,i have been reading your cry for help .and it will come with time i suggest that you ask God to change your way of thinking for this situation,and when in your time of meditation,maybe  you can ask yourself ,"where do I come from,?" if you know the answer to that, then you will know were you are going. and the change in your situation will take you there.and I pray to God in Jesus our Lords Name that you will find some peace in your heart, one day at the time for changes will comme ,God will be on time for you ,Gina keep your eyes on christ He will come through for you.God is bigger than your problem let go for a while a little bit at a time in Jesus ..

[gina]

thank you both for what you have said to me.  i know god loves me.  i really do. and i know i matter to him too.  and yes i am trying to turn everything over to him.  and not to worry about things.  too much.  i told my husband this morning that i want the truth, even though it hurts that i am none hiding from it.  and the truth is he wants to leave but is scared to because he says it is the kids, and i told him it is because he can get not guarantees from his friend that she can put him first in her life.  and he doesn't want to be alone
he admits he has some sort of feeling for me, but he does not want to explore it for some reason.  i am hanging on to him, and he is trying to hang on to her.
i admitted to him today that i am alot of debt, and i don't know how i am going to get out of it.  i told him some of it was his fault because he made it hard to go to him for money if i was short. and some of it was my fault because instead of turning to food for comfort i turned to shopping.  which was wrong.  i tell myself now that if i can't pay cash then i can't have it.  and now save all my small silver and roll it up to have a little extra money for things.  i said how do you think i afforded christmas, the kids birthdays.  i babysit in my own home, i love it, i don't make alot of money but it pays the bills, just.  so there was never enough money for extras, so i used credit, stupid of me wasn't it.  he said we will go into the bank and remortgage the house and pay off my debt.  i said just another excuse you will use to leave.  that you will be mad at me for.  i just don't know what to do anymore, i just keep on praying and talking with you here on cu, and also my pastor's wife she has been a great support to me.

gina

[Stryder1030]

Gina, I truly feel for you, the pain I read in your messages is deep and severe.  I will pray for you. 

It is time for your husband to make a decision.  He has let his lust overtake him for too long.  I can almost assure you that he does not LOVE this other woman, but only lusts after her physical being.  They call it the "honeymoon stage" which can last years.  This is the fun part of any relationship where everything is still new and exciting and you feel the butterflies all the time.  This will not make a relationship last.  What makes a relationship last is love, communication, trust and respect.  If he is not willing to give you what you need in a relationship, I suggest you tell him to leave.  Let him file the papers.  Give him a decent amount of custody since he says he'll miss the kids.  You will always love him.  I can't tell you how many of my friends are in this same situation of yours.  I can't say it will be easy or that you'll fall in love with another, but God will fill those holes in your heart and you will be okay.  That's all I can truly say because that's His promise.