Committed or Careless?

[IrishAngel]

What makes a woman beautiful in God's eyes?  If your primary sources were women's magazines or even marriage self-help manuals, you might get the impression that a woman's beauty is based on her outer appearance or even her ability to be charming and confident.  God has a different standard though.  According to 1 Peter 3, God is impressed with a woman's ability to be gentle and submissive.  In other words, God values a woman's ability to demonstrate respect for Him and her husband.  To be a godly wife, a woman must go to God and His Word for instruction in her marriage.   Now, that you know what your standard should be, it's time to examine yourself.  Are you being the beautiful wife God wants you to be?

Are you committed or careless?

Do you remember your wedding day?  In the midst of all the guests, flowers, and fanfare, you made life-long vows.  You promised before God and many witnesses to love your husband until "death do you part."  Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 points out the importance of taking any vow you make before God very seriously.  When you make vows in the presence of God, it is a grave sin to go back on your word when times become challenging.

Undoubtedly, there will be difficult times.  Things may happen in your marriage that you never expected.  It's almost impossible for two people to live together for any length of time without any conflicts, emotional struggles, even betrayals.  If your marriage is built on the solid foundation of God's Word, you can get through the hard times.  Take a look at Matthew 7:24-27.  A foolish builder does not prepare for the storm.  When the rains come, his house falls.  On the other hand, a wise builder knows that storms are part of the natural order of things.  He makes sure that his home has a firm base to withstand ominous weather.  When you said your vows, you made a commitment to God and your husband "for better or worse."  Sometimes, when the "worse" part comes into our lives, our instincts tempt us to run or hide, but that's not God's plan.  God wants us to use the tools He's given us to keep our marriages strong.  In God's eyes, there is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences."  Anything can be forgiven.  True love perseveres and endures.

One of the tools God has given you to remain strong in your marriage is the power of prayer.  You have to remember that Satan is a thief.  He knows that if he can cause division in your marriage, he can cause division in the church.  Satan is no match for God and His army though.  When you pray, you are using the most effective ammunition you have against Satan.  When you are tempted to argue with your husband, be unforgiving, or hold onto a negative attitude, you must remember that you are in a spiritual battle.  God has given you everything you need to hold onto your marriage.  All you must do is hold onto His Word.

Are you a help or a hindrance?

In story of creation found in Genesis, we see that God made Eve as a "helper" for Adam because it was not good for him to be alone.  When you look at your daily interaction with your husband, can you honestly say that you are helping him?  Have you been harsh with him?  Do you judge him?  Are you rarely satisfied with the things he does?  Do you make an effort to mention the things he does that please you?  These are good questions to ask yourself regularly.

One of the ways you can truly help your husband is by always demonstrating an attitude of gratitude.  There are a few practical ways to do this.  First, continuously focus on the positive.  While there may be times when you need to bring problems to your husband's attention, do your very best to make those times rare compared to the moments when you say thank you or give him a compliment.  If you really need to "talk things out", remember you do have sisters in Christ that you can share with first.  Men and women think and communicate differently.  Bombarding your husband with concerns and complaints can cause unneeded tension in your marriage.

Are you happy or heartless?

Your disposition has an awful lot to do with how people perceive you - especially people (like your husband) who see you often.  If you do not work to have a cheerful heart, you can create an environment around you that disheartens others and causes your depression to grow.  Jesus gave his disciples some good advice about finding happiness in the Beatitudes which can be found in Matthew 5:3-12.  In this scripture, the synonym for "blessed" is "happy".  Jesus was reminding his followers that happiness did not come from their circumstances or the perceptions of others.  Instead, happiness comes from a relationship with God, faith, and a hope in Heaven.  Since the Word of God is living and active, we know that Jesus wasn't just giving this instruction to the crowd he was speaking to at the time but us as well.  When you are down, it's time to go to God in prayer and pour your heart out to Him.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

Aretha Franklin sang about it, but Christian wives are expected to exemplify it.  True respect begins with a reverence for God, His Word, and the vows you made to Him.  If you have a heart that is committed to obey God at all costs, you will practice what you preach.  God, the creator of all things, can transform your marriage and your life.  God knows that through His power, you can be an incredible wife.  He can't wait to show you how your marriage can be a fountain of love, comfort, joy, and strength.

by Ayn Nys

[IrishAngel]

Christians

Christian families should strive to be molded by the Bible. God knows how we can function best. If we will pay attention to His Word, then He will guide us to greater and greater happiness. It is our responsibility to fill the role that God gave us, whichever that role is.

I Corinthians 7:3-4 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

The Bible encourages a healthy expression of sexuality within the context of love and marriage.

Ephesians 5:21 Submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Submitting as a Christian does not suggest that one person is of less value than the other.

At every opening of the New Testament we can find instructions about how people are to treat other people. Jesus told us in Matthew 7:12 to treat other people the way we want them to treat us. Jesus taught us in Matthew 20:25 & 26 that if we desire to be someone special we should become servants of one another. Though passages like these do not mention husbands and wives, we must remember that God wants us to live first as Christians within our homes. If Christianity will not work in our homes, how can we expect it to work in the rest of the world.

I Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore comfort each other and build one another up, just as you also are doing.

A husband and wife should be building each other up. This is the opposite of tearing each other down. It is wrong when we discourage our spouse. Let us be encouraging each other.

Husbands and wives must treat each other as Christian brothers and sisters. My wife is my Christian sister. God is not pleased when I do not her treat as my Christian sister. You must first treat your husband as you would your Christian brother. When we get to heaven we will still be brother and sister, but husband and wife relationships will be no more. The most important relationships to develop within our marriage must be Christian love as it is explained throughout the New Testament.

In Colossians 3 is a section of Scripture that is meant to be understood by all Christians as the way we are to treat other Christians. Listen to what this passage says especially to you about your relationship with your spouse:

Colossians 3:12-17 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

God expects you to treat your wife as Christ would treat your wife. God expects you to treat your husband as Christ would treat your husband. Let us learn to be better Christians in our own homes. Let us treat our spouse first as a brother or sister in the Lord. Only with that kind of relationship can come the kind of love that God commands. With this Christian love we can develop the full marital relationship that God has designed for us to experience.

The divinely ordained relationship between husbands and wives will only exist when we follow God's pattern from the Bible. First, love as a Christian is commanded to love, then love as husband and wife are commanded to love.

The Christian husband-wife relationship is best seen when both the husband and the wife are easy to live with and each tries to help the other be all that he or she can be for Christ.

Michael S. Cole, M.D.

[IrishAngel]

When I think about the foundational elements of a strong marriage, I am reminded of the couples I know that have been happily married for a long time.  You always hear them speak fondly of the each other.  They are happy to spend time together because they enjoy each other's company.  They overlook the other person's flaws and choose to focus on the other's strengths instead.  They fiercely defend one another.  They rarely are divided on an issue.  If they have a difference of opinion, they don't allow that difference to come between them.  They seem to always know what the other person is thinking.  They don't hold grudges.  They cherish their relationship.  They have put into practice the first fundamental of a strong marriagebeing best friends.


As wives, we have an extraordinary role to fulfill.  In Genesis 2:18 God said "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him."  We were created by God to be our husband's best friend!  What an important position the Lord has given us.  By putting into practice the following Biblical principals, we can become the friend that God wants us to be.


1) Humility


Philippians 2: 3-5.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.


Wow!  God calls us to become like Jesus who humbled himself and became a servant.  He calls us to consider others better than ourselves.  I can't say that I am consistently like that.  I want my needs met first.  My husband needs to consider my feelings, my desires and my rights.  If I were striving to be like Jesus in this area as I should, I would be concerned with my husband's interests as well as my own.  Instead, I think things like, "Doesn't my husband see how hard I work all day taking care of the children, cleaning the house, cooking meals, running errands, etc?"  Does this sound familiar?  This is my heart when I am thinking only of myself.  Jesus taught that whoever wants to be first in the kingdom of God must be last and the servant of all.  Is this the attitude you have in your marriage?  God calls us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to.  He calls us to be humble and serve.


2) Submission


Colossians 3:18-19. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  
Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them.


Ephesians 5:21.  Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.


Now, before you get upset, let's talk about what submission is not.


*Giving into your husband because the Bible says so.  Submission with an attitude.


*Going along with something that is wrong because you "have to" submit.


*Not expressing your thoughts and feelings.


*Arguing rather than discussing.


*Freaking out.


*Not trusting God to work things out.


What is submission?


*Being open with your thoughts and feelings.


*Talking things out calmly with your husband.


*Offering suggestions.


*Supporting your husband's decisions.


*Trusting that God will take care of you even if your husband makes a mistake.


The world teaches us that we need to stand up for ourselves.  "Don't let anyone walk all over you."  The way of Jesus is completely the opposite.  His way calls us to yield our rights and allow our husbands to lead.  Now you might say "But what if my husband makes a mistake?"  God would not ask us to do something and then not be there for us.  The important lesson to learn here is to trust God as you submit to your husband.  As long as what he is doing is not illegal, immoral, or unbiblical (which you are Biblically not obligated to submit to) then you can trust God to work things out.  Sometimes we have to bear the consequences of our husband's bad decisions.  I have seen God work through that type of situation, humbling a husband and bringing him to his senses so that he sees how much he hurt his family.  You must be willing to wait on the Lord.


3) Respect


Ephesians 5:33.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


Respecting your husband is probably the most important thing you can do to be your husband's best friend.  No man feels believed in when his wife second guesses him or badmouths him.  When a wife supports her husband he feels respected.  Respect to a man is synonymous with love.  If you want a strong marriage then you need to respect your husband.  That means not throwing his mistakes back in his face, not speaking rudely to him, and not embarrassing him in public or talking badly about him to others (not even to your best girlfriend or your mother).


4) Forgiveness


Colossians 3:13.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.


Ephesians 4:32.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


It's interesting how easily we will forgive our girlfriends before we forgive our husbands.  How can we expect to be our husband's best friend if we harbor bitterness and resentment toward him?  We can try to ignore these feelings by burying them, but eventually they come flooding out.  Before we know it we have said things that cannot be taken back.  We have forgotten what God says to us about forgiveness.  God asks us to bear with each other and to forgive one another.  Forgiveness cleans the slate and brings healing in a marriage.  Only when there is complete forgiveness can there be true friendship.


As wives we can be our husband's greatest asset or his greatest embarrassment.  The choice is ours.  Proverbs 31: 10, which is our theme scripture for Wives of Excellence, says "A wife of noble character, who can find?  She is worth more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."


You may think to yourself that you are doing great in each of these areas, but here is the real test.  Ask your husband what he thinks.  That can be a real eye opener.  Be humble and accept his input.  Then put it into practice.  Be the best friend to your husband that you can be.


To God be the glory!
By Martha Matthews

[Willowbirch]

  How very true!

[Tamara]

A beautiful marriage would be wonderful. Being a widow, I knew that once!  Marriage is about loving, giving, caring and sharing.  Allowing our husbands to guide us and stand by us.
In return, we give them all the love and support they need. In gentleness and understanding. OH what a beautiful life!
How I miss it...
Love...Tamara

[Shylynne]

Yes, what a beautiful life Tamara, sorry for your loss  
Pray an abundance of blessings for you!  

[Willowbirch]

A beautiful marriage would be wonderful. Being a widow, I knew that once!  Marriage is about loving, giving, caring and sharing.  Allowing our husbands to guide us and stand by us.
In return, we give them all the love and support they need. In gentleness and understanding. OH what a beautiful life!
How I miss it...
Love...Tamara

Thank you for sharing this, Tamara!