Clouded Judgement

[Wayfarer]

I know it only seems that I come here when I need something, and I'm sorry for that. But sometimes, I can't turn to my Church group here at home because they are all much too close to me and will judge me for what I'm going through.

I've been dating Justin for almost 2 months now (praise!!), and I love him with all my heart. I have to almost the entire three years that I've known him. But the fact that he's a timezone away is starting to wear on my resolve. And it's becoming a tool for Satan to use against me.

After my last relationship ended, the only guy I would let near me was my friend, David, whom I had helped through his recent break-up. I spent a lot of time with him, so much so that he became one of my best friends. To him, I am "Buddy," and to me, he is "Pal." We're just that close... and weird. He's exactly a week older than me (he turned 22 on 9/10, me on 9/17), and he's just a great guy. He's dating a very wonderful young lady whom he is happy as all get-out to be with. I know this. I understand this. I praise this, that he can finally be happy.

But during the time where neither of us was dating, I harbored the dream that he would ask me to be his girlfriend (sad, but true), and when he didn't I understood. David's a great guy, and I would never, NEVER compromise the relationship that I have with him. Not for anything is this world or beyond it.

My boyfriend got a job. After two years of searching and praying and disappointment, he was finally able to secure a position in a store where his skills can be fully utilized (praise!). But, as proud as we are of this, we are also frustrated that we can no longer speak online at night. He has to actually sleep so he can get up for work. I've spoken to him once in the past week, and then only for a few minutes. So, to fill the time, I spend it with my roommate, Julie, our friend Chelsea.... and David.

I think part of me has held on to those misguided feelings for David. I think that the only reason I felt that way was because of what had just happened at the time. And I know that I've put them away, because I know he's my best friend, almost like my brother. But sometimes, when I'm in a low point, the dredge up. I feel that it's a betrayal of Justin, whom I will never hurt (I hope I can keep that promise), when I feel like I do. It scares me that David and I are so close, but he's so easy-going, he's not bothered by it. He knows how I feel. He's known for a while, from what I can tell. I'm just glad that he's not one to exploit, but help.

I guess the problem right now is trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I love the time I spend with David. He listens to me, helps me. And I know that I'm probably wrong in so many ways for spending that time with him since I'm in love with another man. Justin knows about David, knows that he takes care of me. I'm just so afraid that my resolve will break down so much that I'll do something completely stupid that's going to hurt all of us. I never want to hurt them, especially Justin. He doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore. He's been through so much hell in his life, he doesn't need it from me.

Is there anything anyone can tell me that might help me make sense of this situation? Even if you just want to smack me in the head and call me a stupid little girl, I'm just looking for some guidance to get me through this maze. I'm falling into pockets of depression again, and I'm just so tired.

I pray every night for the way out of this mess. I pray that God will deliver me and my shattered mind from Satan's grasp... please help me...

[Soldier4Christ]

Remember now you asked for it .....



Silly little girl. (Just a little levity.)   


_____________

Seriously sister, my prayers are with you. The answers to this situation are right in front of you, I will be praying that the Lord will help you see the answers.

[Wayfarer]

Thank you, Pastor Roger. That brought a smile to my face. 

[nChrist]

Hello Wayfarer,

I'm a Christian grandfather, so I will warn you in advance that I think about things the old-fashioned way. There are a couple of things I would like to tell you, and you can take them for what they are worth - maybe nothing.

You currently have somewhat serious thoughts about two different men, one being a distance away. It's possible that GOD is giving you a message that you aren't ready for marriage yet. That's OK because you certainly don't want to marry someone who you don't love completely. Maybe you need more time, and that's OK also. In fact, it would be much better for you to take the extra time and not rush into something that you aren't absolutely sure of. Marriage is something that a Christian should devote much prayer to. If you make this a matter of regular prayer, GOD will help you know when you've met the right man for you. There really shouldn't be any questions at all because you will have to make vows before GOD. In fact, both of you will have to make vows before GOD, and there should be no questions for either of you. Pray, pray some more, and wait on the LORD. If there are questions or doubt, wait.

I will be praying for you and hope this helps some.

Love In Christ,
Tom

1 Thessalonians 5:8-10 NASB  But since we are of the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him.

[airIam2worship]

Welcome back Wayfarer 

First let me say Happy Birthday to you.

Robin, it has been decades since I was your age, but I can fully understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling. I have read and re-read your post and I have been carefully pondering the best advice that I can give you. I have daughters older than you and I have seen pain in their eyes when they have felt so distraught. After a little bit of praying for you and asking God to help me give you a wise answer I keep ending up in the same place PRAYER.

Human emotions are so confusing, and they are not reliable. Especially when you are a young adult. Understand that there is Someone Who is shining inside of you, even when darkness and gloom seems to surround you.

God understands you better than you understand yourself. He is always there.

It is easy to become emotionally attached to someone who has been by your side when you have been through the toughest times, so I can understand where the mixed emotions that you feel for David are coming from. If I were your age and in your situation I wouldn't know what to do either, but I have learned in life that no matter how well you think you know what you want, or how well you think you know yourself, God knows what is best for you and He knows your every thought, feeling and hurt. He hears your cries.

Continue to pray let God be Your guide, let Him be your best friend.

So my advice is get closer to God, go to Him in prayer about everything and anything.

I will keep you in my prayers as well and please don't feel bad when you ask for prayer, we love praying for others.

Love in Christ,
Maria

[skaiblue2]

Hey Wayfarer, I understand how you're feeling right now.. Although I think what they're saying is right.. Just a question though, Is your relationship with Justin God centered?
Maybe it's not the time yet to get into a serious relationship with another person right now and maybe you have spiritual gifts that God want's you to use. I don't know too much about it but God knows what's in your heart. I'll be praying for you, Take care okay? =)

[Wayfarer]

Hey Wayfarer, I understand how you're feeling right now.. Although I think what they're saying is right.. Just a question though, Is your relationship with Justin God centered?
Maybe it's not the time yet to get into a serious relationship with another person right now and maybe you have spiritual gifts that God want's you to use. I don't know too much about it but God knows what's in your heart. I'll be praying for you, Take care okay? =)

My relationship with Justin is VERY God centered. He began his Christian walk about a year and a half before I did, so we're both learning from and teaching each other many things. Our relationship was created out of prayer and conversation, with each other and with God. It took a long time for us to decide that we wanted to start a dating relationship, and neither of us wants it to end.

Update::

David and I had a talk and I told him what was on my mind. So, the tension that I brought between us was gone. He's still like a brother to me, and our relationship stronger than ever. Justin and I are still getting closer to one another, although the physical distance has yet to be overcome. He's working long hours everyday, so it's rare that we talk, but when we do, we spend most of that time talking about what matters.

Things are looking like they'll be okay. David's hard on himself because he's a Senior in college, as am I, and he really wants to get out. We look out for each other. The joke now is if we keep it up, people are going to start thinking we're related or something. We're just like siblings... it's kinda scary.

But... I think all may be well in Robin Land. ^__^!!  Thanks y'all!