A BIG QUESTION???

[nChrist]

Brothers in Christ,

I think that it might be a nice change to discuss a BIG AND VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION:

What are the Biblical duties of a Christian husband and father?

If you know of a Scripture that applies to this answer, please share it with us. I would also be curious to know if anyone thinks that the Biblical duties of a Christian husband and father have changed over the last 2,000 years.

Let's pull up a chair and have a nice visit. By the way, men who are not yet husbands and fathers are most welcome to participate.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Psalms 23:1 NASB  The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

[Soldier4Christ]

Amen brother, a very good and highly important question.

No I don't think that the Biblical duties of a Christian husband and father has changed one bit. With the problems that we face in society today it is much more important for a huband and father to know what those responsibilities are and what is expected of them by God.

There are many verses that apply to this but the first verses that come to my mind are :

Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27  That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


This does not mean that the man is to be a dictator type tyrant in ruling the home but rather to lead in a loving, caring manner.

[nChrist]

Amen Pastor Roger!

Brother, you chose some of the most beautiful portions of Scripture in the Bible that pertain to this BIG QUESTION.

Ephesians 5:25 tells the husband to love his wife in the same way the CHRIST loved the Church, even to the extent of giving His life.

My first thoughts would regard this depth of Love. This would not be a passing fancy or an infatuation like so many couples seem to have these days. I really wonder if some people have every experienced this type of love, especially when one considers the large percentages of failed marriages these days. I must add that many Christians also have failed marriages, and I would wonder why. Did they have real love to start with? Maybe this can be considered as others join in.

Love In Christ,
Tom

2 Corinthians 3:2-3 NASB  You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

[Amorus]

Amen Pastor Roger!

Brother, you chose some of the most beautiful portions of Scripture in the Bible that pertain to this BIG QUESTION.

Ephesians 5:25 tells the husband to love his wife in the same way the CHRIST loved the Church, even to the extent of giving His life.

My first thoughts would regard this depth of Love. This would not be a passing fancy or an infatuation like so many couples seem to have these days. I really wonder if some people have every experienced this type of love, especially when one considers the large percentages of failed marriages these days. I must add that many Christians also have failed marriages, and I would wonder why. Did they have real love to start with? Maybe this can be considered as others join in.

The first thing that comes to my mind is Love.  It is perfectly defined in 1 Corinthians 13.  I have read that scripture many times, trying to digest it word for word.  That is what I consider real love.  Marriage, like all relationships, takes work, prayer, and understanding, (I again emphasis work here  ) just as our walk and relationship with our glorious Savior takes work (meaning reading and understanding His Word, praying, having a relationship with the Lord, trying to do what is expected of us...ext).  I believe that I was married under the Lord, that when I took the vows with my wife we made a commitment to each other and to our Lord Jesus Christ.  I'm not pretending to understand why some marriages fail.  I do not walk in another man's shoes.  However I think it is a very sad situation to see so many marriages fall apart.  I will say the best marriage counselor in my life has been the Word of God.  I think the Lord has shown me many things through my wife.  (1 Peter 3: 1- 7) I am very blessed, no doubts here.  I believe that times have changed, but that the Word of God has not, therefore the Biblical Duties have not.  Maybe that is one point to consider about marriage and relationship failure in general.   Good discussion topic although my answer might be a bit off topic    I'll probably have more to comment on as I think about this.
Peace to you all!
-Am-

[Rookieupgrade1]

Amen brother, a very good and highly important question.

No I don't think that the Biblical duties of a Christian husband and father has changed one bit. With the problems that we face in society today it is much more important for a huband and father to know what those responsibilities are and what is expected of them by God.

There are many verses that apply to this but the first verses that come to my mind are :

Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27  That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


This does not mean that the man is to be a dictator type tyrant in ruling the home but rather to lead in a loving, caring manner.

I actually used this pasage in my wedding vows

[Shammu]

AMEN Pastor Roger..........................

Allow me to add.......... 1 Timothy 3:2 Now a bishop (superintendent, overseer) must give no grounds for accusation but must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, circumspect and temperate and self-controlled; [he must be] sensible and well behaved and dignified and lead an orderly (disciplined) life; [he must be] hospitable [showing love for and being a friend to the believers, especially strangers or foreigners, and be] a capable and qualified teacher,

[nChrist]

Thanks Brothers!

This is a beautiful thread, and I really hope that many more join us here. I'd like to mention a few more thoughts.

1 - Some women think that the Holy Bible is pretty rough on them in terms of obeying their husbands. BUT, they should read further and see that the Holy Bible actually puts higher responsibilities on the man.

2 - CHRIST is to be the Head of the home, and the husband is to be in subjection to CHRIST. The more the husband yields to CHRIST, the more likely that he will be the type of man that his wife will love and respect. So, the husband is in a position of Biblical leadership in the home, and his success is dependant on how well he yields to CHRIST in all things.

3 - Is the husband also the spiritual leader of the home? Are his duties limited to Sunday, or does he have duties every day to his wife and children?

Love In Christ,
Tom

Proverbs 13:22 NASB  A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, And the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.

[Rookieupgrade1]

Deffinatly a daily responcibility.

I know that if left to my flesh I am a very mean and spitefull pearson. While walking with Christ, I now try to approach everything in love and compassion, to guide rather than reprimand.

Who am I to reprimand my wife or children. I simply, loveingly try to guide them.

It is a challange of my nature, to deny myself and obey God.

My wife is a much happier person for it though.

[Amorus]

Thanks Brothers!

This is a beautiful thread, and I really hope that many more join us here. I'd like to mention a few more thoughts.

1 - Some women think that the Holy Bible is pretty rough on them in terms of obeying their husbands. BUT, they should read further and see that the Holy Bible actually puts higher responsibilities on the man.

2 - CHRIST is to be the Head of the home, and the husband is to be in subjection to CHRIST. The more the husband yields to CHRIST, the more likely that he will be the type of man that his wife will love and respect. So, the husband is in a position of Biblical leadership in the home, and his success is dependant on how well he yields to CHRIST in all things.

3 - Is the husband also the spiritual leader of the home? Are his duties limited to Sunday, or does he have duties every day to his wife and children?

Love In Christ,
Tom

Proverbs 13:22 NASB  A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, And the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.

Duties need to be every day.  Charles Dickens said it the best through the Ghost of Christmas Present "The child born in Bethlehem does not live in the hearts of men only one day a year, but all the days of the year."  I always liked that.  The Lord is with us every second of every day and so we should be with him in our walk.  As Rookieupgrade1 pointed out with himself, I too am a different person, a much better person with much more understanding while I walk with Christ.  A challenge, yes, but as Tom pointed out, success is dependent on how well we yield to Christ in "all" things.  I praise the Lord Jesus for being with me through "all" things.  I would much rather have that everyday rather then just one.

[nChrist]

Amen Brothers!

Our Love and of JESUS CHRIST isn't forced. YES, HE does want us to love HIM as much as HE first loved us. Hopefully, we all mature and grow in the strength of JESUS CHRIST as we study GOD'S WORD and start walking closer and closer in our fellowship with HIM. We already have the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD living in our hearts to guide us and lead us in the paths that would be most pleasing to HIM. Everything is freely given to those who pray, humble themselves before GOD, and yield to HIS Will. YES, we do have a personal relationship and fellowship with GOD through JESUS and in the SPIRIT.  A walk in the SPIRIT with GOD is a beautiful thing, but it obviously means that we don't always do the things that we want to do.

Brothers, our love and union with our wives can also grow stronger and more beautiful as we mature. We learn about real love through JESUS CHRIST and GOD'S WORD. There are many portions of the Holy Bible that teach us about love, but the greatest example will always be the love of our LORD and SAVIOUR who died on the cross in our place. I want to share a beautiful portion of Scripture for study:

1 Corinthians 13:1 NASB  If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:2 NASB  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:3 NASB  And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:4 NASB  Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

1 Corinthians 13:5 NASB  does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

1 Corinthians 13:6 NASB  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

1 Corinthians 13:7 NASB  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:8 NASB  Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

1 Corinthians 13:9 NASB  For we know in part and we prophesy in part;

1 Corinthians 13:10 NASB  but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

1 Corinthians 13:11 NASB  When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:12 NASB  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:13 NASB  But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
___________________________________

Love can and does grow stronger for a Christian who is walking in the SPIRIT and yielded to GOD. Love is also the key to a beautiful marriage.

Love In Christ,
Tom

2 Corinthians 5:5-8 NASB  Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord -- for we walk by faith, not by sight -- we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

[Soldier4Christ]

Amen brother.


1Ch 28:9  And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.

[Amorus]

Love can and does grow stronger for a Christian who is walking in the SPIRIT and yielded to GOD. Love is also the key to a beautiful marriage.

Love In

Amen to that and all that has been said!

[nChrist]

The following advice is very OLD but also very beautiful in my opinion. Many portions of Scripture will probably come to mind in reading it. I hope you enjoy it and get some more ideas for our discussion.
_______________________________________________

Secrets of Happy Home Life - Page 1

by J. R. Miller, 1894

Home is among the holiest of words. A true home is one of the most
sacred of places. It is a sanctuary into which men flee from the world's
perils and alarms. It is a resting-place to which at close of day the
weary retire to gather new strength for the battle and toils of tomorrow.
It is the place where love learns its lessons, where life is schooled
into discipline and strength, where character is molded. Out of the homes
of a community comes the life of the community, as a river from the
thousand springs that gush out on the hillsides.

We are all concerned in the making of some one home—our own home. One
instrument out of tune in an orchestra mars the music which breaks upon
the ears of the listeners. One discordant life in a household mars the
perfectness of the music of love in the family. We should make sure that
our life is not the one that is out of tune. We do not need to worry
about the other lives; if each looks to his own, that will do.

When our Lord sent His disciples out to preach, one of His instructions
was—"Into whatever house you enter, first say, Peace be to this house."
Peace is a good word. It is more than a salutation; falling from
the Master's lips, it is a divine benediction as well. Peace, too, is a
fruit of grace, which includes all that is sweetest and most divine in
Christian culture. It is especially suggestive of the harmony of love,
which is the perfection of beautiful living. Christ's peace is a
blessing, which comes out of struggle and discipline. Well, therefore,
does the salutation "Peace!" befit a Christian home, which ought to be
the abode of peace.


What are some of the secrets of happy home life? The answer might be
given in one word—Christ. Christ at the marriage-altar; Christ on
the bridal journey; Christ when the new home is set up; Christ when the
baby is born; Christ when a child dies; Christ in the pinching times;
Christ in the days of plenty; Christ in the nursery, in the kitchen, in
the parlor; Christ in the toil and in the rest; Christ along all the
years; Christ when the wedded pair walk toward the sunset gates; Christ
in the sad hour when farewells are spoken, and one goes on before and the
other stays, bearing the unshared grief. Christ is the secret of happy
home life.


But the lesson may be broken up. The making of a home begins before there
is a home—it begins in the days when the life-choices are made. There are
many unhappy marriages. There are families sheltered in houses,
which are not homes. A happy home does not come as a matter of
course because there has been a marriage ceremony, with pledged vows and
a ring, and the minister's "Whom God has joined together, let no man put
asunder," and a benediction. Happiness does not come through any mere
forms or ceremonies; it has to be planned for, lived for, sacrificed for,
prayed for, and ofttimes suffered for.


There must be a wise choosing before marriage, or it may be
impossible to make a happy home. At few points in life is divine guidance
more severely needed than when the question of marriage is decided. A
mistake then will cast its shadows down all the years to the close of
life. Many a career is blighted by a foolish marriage. Wedded
happiness depends greatly on reverent, prayerful, deliberate, wise
choosing before marriage.

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[nChrist]

Secrets of Happy Home Life - Page 2

by J. R. Miller, 1894

But now the choices have been made—carefully made—we will say. The happy
day has come. The plighted lovers stand at the marriage-altar. Taking the
woman's hand, the man says to her—"I take you to be my wedded wife, to
have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until
death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge
you my fidelity." Taking the hand of the man, the woman says to him, with
slight verbal variations, the same words. The two are pronounced husband
and wife, and go forth to begin their wedded life together, no more
twain, but now one.

The happy pair are in their own home. It may be a fine, great house, with
rich furniture, costly pictures, and all the elegance of wealth; or it
may be a little house, with four rooms, cheap furniture, homemade
carpets, and empty of adornment. It makes very little difference what the
size of the house, or what its furniture may be. The happiness of the
home does not depend on the house or on what it contains; the people who
live in the house MAKE the happiness,—or MAR it.


The HUSBAND has his part. He must be a good man. Not every man who
marries thinks of the responsibility he assumes when he takes a young
girl away from the shelter of father-love and mother-love—the softest,
warmest nest in the world, and leads her into a new home, where
henceforth his love is to be her only shelter. Well may the woman say as
she goes to the marriage altar–
"Before I trust my fate to you,
Or place my hand in thine;
Before I let your future give
Color and form to mine;
Before I peril all to thee,
Question your soul tonight for me.

Does there within your dimmest dreams
A possible future shine
Wherein your life could henceforth breathe
Untouched, unshared by mine?
If so, at any pain or cost,
Oh, tell me before all is lost."

No man is fit to be a husband who is not a good man. He need not be
great, nor rich, nor brilliant, nor clever, but he must be good, or he is
not worthy to take a gentle, trusting woman's tender life into his
keeping. Of course he must love his wife; without love there is no
real marriage, and ceremony and ring and vows and prayer are only empty
formalities. He must love his wife and be always her lover. The world has
read and heard quite enough moralizing about a wife's duty to be always
winning and attractive, retaining the charm of girlhood amid all cares,
toils, and sorrows. Of course; but is a husband under less obligation to
love his wife and always to be lover-like? This is a good rule, which
should work both ways.

But affectionateness, however desirable, is not all that is needed in a
husband who would do his full share in happy home making. Life is not all
sentiment. We cannot live on ambrosia. Happiness must have a very
practical basis. A good husband must be a man. He must be a good
man-manly, true, worthy, brave, generous, a man whom a noble woman can
respect and honor all the days of her life. He must be a sober man; no
man who comes home under the influence of intoxicating drink, even
occasionally only, is going to do quite his share in making happiness for
the woman who has trusted her all to him. He must be a man of pure,
unblemished life, whose character is above suspicion, whose name will
always be an honor and a pride in his own home. The husband has a great
deal to do with the question of home happiness.

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[nChrist]

Secrets of Happy Home Life - Page 3

by J. R. Miller, 1894

The WIFE, too, has a responsibility. The prosaic arts of
housekeeping are far more important factors of home happiness than many
people without experience imagine. John Ruskin talks to young women of
the etymology of the name 'wife'—"What do you think the beautiful word
'wife' comes from?" he asks. "It means 'weaver.' You must either be
house-wives or house-moths; remember that. In the deep sense, you must
weave men's fortunes, and embroider them, or feed upon them, and bring
them to decay. Wherever a true wife comes, home is always around her. The
stars may be the canopy over her head, the glow-worm in the night's cold
grass be the fire at her feet, but home is where she is; and for a noble
woman it stretches far around her,—better than houses with ceilings of
cedar, or with paintings of the masters, shedding its quiet light for
those who else were homeless."


Home is the true wife's kingdom. There, first of all places, she must
be strong and beautiful. She may touch life outside in many ways, if she
can do it without slighting the duties that are hers within her own
doors. But if any calls for her service must be declined, they should not
be the duties of her home. These are hers, and no other one's. Very
largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness
and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there. The best
husband—the truest, the noblest, the gentlest, the richest-hearted—cannot
make his home happy if his wife be not, in every reasonable sense, a
helpmate to him.

In the last analysis, home happiness depends on the wife. Her spirit
gives the home its atmosphere. Her hands fashion its beauty. Her heart
makes its love. And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no
woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call,
should consider any price too great to pay, to be the light, the joy, the
blessing, the inspiration of a home.

Men with fine gifts think it worth while to live to paint a few great
pictures which shall be looked at and admired for generations; or to
write a few songs which shall sing themselves into the ears and hearts of
men. But the woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with
love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else
her hands could find to do beneath the skies.


Some marriages are unhappy. How can husband and wife live happily in
their wedded life? Wedded happiness is a lesson that must be learned. No
two lives brought into this close relation can blend into one without
self-discipline. "Marriage is the beautiful unfolding of many years."

Ofttimes it takes a long while for a wedded pair to learn the lesson of
living happily together. They are discouraged because such love as theirs
does not yield perfect happiness from the very first day. It always costs
to learn the lesson. The block of marble must wane, as the statue is
sculptured and grows. There must be the cutting away of much in both
lives; there must be restraint, self-denial, self-effacement, while they
are being trained to live one life rather than two. Love is always
discipline.


Paul lays down the basis for happy wedded life in the words—"Wives, be in
subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love
your wives, and be not bitter against them" (Colossians 3:18-19). Perhaps
these instructions are not always well understood. Sometimes one of the
counsels, and sometimes the other, is unduly emphasized. Some men insist
upon the first—"Wives, be in subjection to your husbands." They interpret
the words somewhat harshly, as if a wife were to be only as a child to
her husband, or even as a servant, whose duty is to minister to his
desires, to please him, to run at his every call and command. This is in
accordance with heathen notions of the marriage relation, but it is not
after Christian teaching.

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