BULL

[Ambassador4Christ]

A husband read an article to his wife about  how many words women use a day ...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice. The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, "What?"

[Ambassador4Christ]

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

[Symphony]

[Brother Love]

A husband read an article to his wife about  how many words women use a day ...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice. The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, "What?"

LOL

Brother Love

[Ambassador4Christ]

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

[Brother Love]

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ LOL

Brother Love

[Forrest]

-Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.
 
-Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
 
-It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
 
-The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
 
-When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
 
-People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
 
-Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
 
-Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
 
-The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."
 
-If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
 
-God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
 
-To make a long story short, don't tell it.
 
-Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
 
-Peace starts with a smile.
 
-I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
 
-A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
 
-We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
 
-Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
 
-Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
 
-Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
 
-Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
 
-Forbidden fruits create many jams.
 
-God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
 
-God grades on the cross, not the curve.
 
-God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
 
-He who angers you, controls you!
 
-Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
 
-The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
 
-The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
 
-We don't change the message, the message changes us.
 
-You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
 
-The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
 
"Father, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day!"

[Brother Love]

-Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.
 
-Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
 
-It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
 
-The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
 
-When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
 
-People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
 
-Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
 
-Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
 
-The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."
 
-If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
 
-God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
 
-To make a long story short, don't tell it.
 
-Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
 
-Peace starts with a smile.
 
-I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
 
-A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
 
-We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
 
-Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
 
-Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
 
-Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
 
-Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
 
-Forbidden fruits create many jams.
 
-God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
 
-God grades on the cross, not the curve.
 
-God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
 
-He who angers you, controls you!
 
-Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
 
-The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
 
-The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
 
-We don't change the message, the message changes us.
 
-You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
 
-The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
 
"Father, bless this person in whatever it is that You know he or she may be needing this day!"

Thanks Forrest, I like them all


Brother Love

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to Forrest,

AMEN! Thanks, I think we all need to post these on the refrigerator and read them before each meal.

In Christ.

[Brother Love]

Oklahoma Howdy to Forrest,

AMEN! Thanks, I think we all need to post these on the refrigerator and read them before each meal.

In Christ.

Good idea Brother


Brother Love

[Brother Love]

Moral Dilemma


You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you  pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

 1.  An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

 2.  An old friend who once saved your life.

 3.  The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

 Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there  could only be one passenger in your car?

 Think before you continue reading...

 This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part  of a job application.

 You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and  thus you should save her first; Or you could take the old friend  because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect  chance to pay him back.  However, you may never be able to find  your perfect mate again.












 The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicates) had no trouble  coming up with his answer.  He simply answered: "I would give the car  keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.

 I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my  dreams."  Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.  


Brother Love

[Brother Love]

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"   And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads Scroll down



(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! ... I PROMISE !)










































"W I N -  A - B A G E L"

[Ambassador4Christ]

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"   And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads Scroll down



(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! ... I PROMISE !)










































"W I N -  A - B A G E L"

Brother Love You Get  

LOL

[Forrest]

WANNA RETIRE TO FLORIDA?  HERE'S WHAT ONE REFERENCE HAS TO SAY.

Dear diary:
April 30th:
Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this  is a state
that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings.
What  a  place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
beautiful.  I've finally found my home. I love it here.

May 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, I live in an
air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to  see  the sun every
day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 5th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of
palms and  rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE
SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 1st:
The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night.
Where are  those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot.
Getting used  to  it will take a while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection,
though. I'll have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my
car.
Got  one of  those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn
ointment for  my  hands.  I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though: got  to  respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this
morning. By  the  time I got out to the car for lunch, he'd swollen up to
the size of shopping  bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all
over $2,000 worth of  leather  upholstery. I told the kids he ran away.
The car now smells like  Kibble and  poop. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th:
Ocean breezes, my foot. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on
the  fritz  and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he
needed to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be
a  hurricane.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting
the swamp  mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn
house payments  and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here
Aug 4th:
100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and  gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost
as  much as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me
off  the road. I hate this state.

Aug 8th:
If another wise jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
to tear  his head off. Damn heat! By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted
Garfield!!

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and  sunny.
It's  been too hot for two #@*& months and the weatherman says it might
really  warm up  next week. And whoever came up with the statement,
"it may be hot, but at  least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat
exhaustion. Doesn't it ever rain in this God-forsaken place??

Aug 14th:
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack  the
window  and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to
fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?". My wife had to spend
the $1,500  house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th:
Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon
rains  finally  came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell and drove
the damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could  fly!
The  Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new
$500  windshield.
That does it, we're moving back to  Ohio where all you have to
worry about  is  getting mugged.

I hope this state breaks in half and floats to Cuba.

[Forrest]

these stories were checked on "TruthorFiction" and it says they are true.

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years  ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous
for anything heroic. His exploits were anything but  praise-worthy.
He was, however, notorious for enmeshing  the windy city in everything
from bootlegged booze and  prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer in Chicago nicknamed "Easy  Eddie." He was his lawyer
for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In  fact, Eddie's skill at
legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail  for a long time. To show
his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not  only was the money big,
but Eddie got special dividends. For  instance, he and his family
occupied
a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the
day. The estate was so  large that it filled an entire Chicago City
block.
Yes, Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little

consideration to  the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have
one
soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to  it
that
his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars, and  a good
education.

Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement
with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.
Yes, Eddie tried to teach his son to rise above his own sordid life.
Eddie
wanted his son to be a better man than he was.  Yet, with all his wealth
and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son;
two things that Eddie sacrificed to the Capone mob that he couldn't pass
on to his beloved son: a good name and a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Offering his son a good
name was far more important than all the riches he could lavish on him.
Easy Eddie wanted to rectify all the wrong he had done. He decided he

would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al  "Scarface"
Capone; he would try to clean up his tarnished name and offer his son
some semblance of integrity. But to do this, he would have to testify
against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.  But more
than anything, he wanted to be an example to his son. He  wanted to do
his best to make restoration and, hopefully, have a  good name to leave
his son. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a
lonely
Chicago Street.  But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift
he
had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay.
* * * * *

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes.  One such man was Lieutenant Commander
Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier
Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent
on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and

realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would
not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.

His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he
dropped
out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned
his blood cold. A squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their
way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a
sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his
squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he
warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do.
He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of
personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes.

Wing-mounted 50 calibers blazed as he charged in, attacking one
surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the

now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all
his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to
clip off a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as
possible and rendering them unfit to fly. He was desperate to do anything
he could to keep them from reaching the American ships. Finally, the
exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply
relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the
carrier.

Upon  arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding  his
return.
The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It
showed
the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact
destroyed five  enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and
for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the
first
Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of  Honor.


A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.
His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and
today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of
this
great man. So the next time  you find yourself at O'Hare International,
give
some thought to  visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his
Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1  and  2.
* * * * *
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.