Husband addicted to Everquest computer Game

[Terri]

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've been on the forum, but I am back and have some questions regarding this everquest computer game?

For those who don't know what Everquest is, it's a computer game you role play like D and D. Except you do it over the computer and you play online, so you role play with other people from around the world. What has me upset or concerned is there is alot of magic and spells in the game. The Bible is very clear on this subject.

My husband thinks I am being overboard about this but I am very concerned that by him entertaining himself this way, it allows an opening for the devil into our lives. (Mine and our kids too.)

I remember reading awhile back about someone here who had experience in witchcraft and spells and they became a Christian and turned there life over to Christ, but there friend or cousin was still into witchcraft and they tried to bring them to Christ too. The cousin was upset by that and put a spell on them and they saw the devils sign on there ceiling.

Anyway, the person who posted this said there was a great book to read to help free people from witchcraft and other dark side stuff. If someone recalls that story and can find it and tell me the name of the book that would be great. I tried looking for it and couldn't find it.

I've been praying for my husband, but he is still so wrapped up into this game. He will stay on this game till 3:00 in the morning. And then be late for work all because of this stupid game.

Any helpful advice or books on this subject would be greatly appreciated.
                                     Thanks Terri

[Shiro]

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've been on the forum, but I am back and have some questions regarding this everquest computer game?

For those who don't know what Everquest is, it's a computer game you role play like D and D. Except you do it over the computer and you play online, so you role play with other people from around the world. What has me upset or concerned is there is alot of magic and spells in the game. The Bible is very clear on this subject.

My husband thinks I am being overboard about this but I am very concerned that by him entertaining himself this way, it allows an opening for the devil into our lives. (Mine and our kids too.)

I remember reading awhile back about someone here who had experience in witchcraft and spells and they became a Christian and turned there life over to Christ, but there friend or cousin was still into witchcraft and they tried to bring them to Christ too. The cousin was upset by that and put a spell on them and they saw the devils sign on there ceiling.

Anyway, the person who posted this said there was a great book to read to help free people from witchcraft and other dark side stuff. If someone recalls that story and can find it and tell me the name of the book that would be great. I tried looking for it and couldn't find it.

I've been praying for my husband, but he is still so wrapped up into this game. He will stay on this game till 3:00 in the morning. And then be late for work all because of this stupid game.

Any helpful advice or books on this subject would be greatly appreciated.
                                     Thanks Terri

Addiction is NEVER good, be it to EQ, drugs, cars, whatever. It draws close to idolatry. What I have to say is that you need to find something you guys can do together that would be better to him than this game. You can also cancel your internet subscription, since such action is very close to needed.

Even though it's not like your husband is actually accepting the lie of the occult and reveling in the art of casting spells, you must still take all practical steps in keeping him off something that clearly has become a god to him (see EQ becoming more important than work.)

In addition, one can (and many do) play EQ and not like witchcraft. Some (like me) hate witchcraft with a passion and still like D&D type games (EQ does blow, but because of the player base more than anything). The real issue is more idolatry than occult involvement, and still deserves INCREDIBLE caution to ensure that this obsession can be beaten. May God help you.

Finally, it's actions like this that give online role-play a bad name to many.

As for the anecdote of the devil sign, if he really is so impressionable that he will get into witchcraft and try to put spells on people based on EQ information, then *alas* it may be good to ask him to choose you or it. The example given would probably pass for unfaithfulness to you, so there's a good last-ditch plan. You probably tried this already, but God be with you as you help kick this kind of idolatry in the butt.

[Symphony]

Hmmm.  Thanks Shiro.  Lots of good things you say there.  Right on target.

Hi, Terri.  I'm not sure about any books.  Three things that occur to me:

The idolatry aspect.  I too play a favorite computer game--but as an outlet or preoccupation while I'm mentally working on my regular work.  No, I don't play it into the night much.  But it doesn't include role playing.  Role playing doesn't sound too good.  Mine is just a board game.

The role playing aspect.  This is just my opinion, but seems that can lead to other similar pursuits.  Adopting roles via the Net doesn't sound good to me.  Kim Komando just this last weekend was asking her radio program callers whether they thought Internet affairs were really wrong.  An obvious yes, of course, for us here.  But for many I guess they see no wrong in it.  And I've heard this complaint by spouses for some years now--their spouse having an Internet affair, and what to do.  Obviously, most are very anxious wives whose husbands are up to no good.  It's adultery and idolatry, for starters.

The escape aspect.  This could be where the relationship is suffering for other reasons to begin with, and the Net turns out to be just the handiest and perhaps even least expensive "escape"--unlike golf, for instance, where you have to buy stuff and go somewhere, or going places, where too you have to budget, etc.  The "Net" is very handy to "escape" for hours.  If there's already something wrong, the Net is just presenting the closest and handiest road of least resistence, for a frustrated or wandering spouse.  I'm not justifying his behaviour at all.  But the critical question might be how to handle that, esp. if the spouse is demonstrating unusual determination.  If they're determined, much additional requests may drive them further into it.   What I'm saying is regardless of whether there's a Net around, he may be actually seeking some escape.  If that were the case, there may be the chance this is a temporary thing; I'm guessing we all go through dry spells in our relationships, as spouses, or as just friends even.  Perhaps if he isn't too far gone, he just needs the periods away for awhile, espcially if he sense's too much "control".  It's just a thought.  I'm not saying this is happening.

I've heard a counselor counsel callers on the frequent question, and in the advanced stages it seemed his suggestion was that we are all in a spiritual warfare, which presents ifself in many places and ways.  For the married couple, this is one of the many attacks and ever-present risk.  His thought was for the spouse to begin to accept the possiblity that that may indeed not turn out to be all roses, and that one of the worst things a growing spouse can do--that is, growing in the Lord--is to be "needy" towards the offending spouse.  I.e., we have love them so much that we don't "need" them--at least in the sence that my real needs appeal to a higher power than what the spouse can offer.  Maybe his point was to be "inter-dependent" with the other person, as we learn what the weaknesses of the other person are.  In this case, maybe there's the part of a little boy, who has never grown up, and there would need to be someone around with firmness, but with loving or respectful firmness--but at the same time a carefully secreted admition inside of oneself that this may not turn out perfectly, no matter what I try to do(which in itself will give you an added strength, I think).

Hope this will go well for you , Terri, in this.  In Jesus' Name...

[Terri]

Hi Shiro,

Thanks for your advice. I agree any addiction is always bad. And yes he is addicted to this game.

I think you missunderstood my post. When I was speaking of the person who was into witchcraft and cast a spell on the Christian friend. I was referring to a post I read here awhile back. That is not my husband casting spells on people. My husband only does spells on this game Everquest. He doesn't do them in real life, nor is he into witchcraft. But my concern is the Bible tells us not to have any doings with witchcraft, or spells, or anything that is evil. And I see this game as messing with spells and I feel he needs to stop playing it.

I am afraid by him play this game (role playing and casting spells and what ever else this games is about) he is allowing an opening or porthole for the devil to slip into our lives. And it scares me. I feel he is disobeying Gods orders to stay away from this stuff.

But my husband thinks I am over reacting, he thinks this game is fine and that it is not evil. But my husband doesn't read the Bible either so he isn't aware of the warnings in the Bible about this stuff.

So I pray and pray that God will open his eyes and show him this is wrong before it has a really bad effect in our lives.

That is why I posted this was to get some input, and maybe someone to share some negative experiences or books that would convince my husband this is wrong. Because so far everything I have said has had no effect on him he continues to play this game.

Thanks for your input
        Terri

[Terri]

Hi Symphany,

Thanks so much for your view on this. I think my husband is using this game as an escape also. An escape from reality an escape from me and the kids. It is frustrating because I have no ideas how long this will go on. In the mean time me and kids make due without him.

So your advice would be to back off and give him his space? Continue to pray for him but give him some space and not bug him over this game because I could cause him to get deeper into it?  

My biggest fear is that he is messing in an area God has forbid, and since he is not obeying Gods commands, I have a feeling some bad things are going to happen.

My husband is on a business trip to Missouri this week and guess what he took, his lap top and that stupid game with him.

Well, thanks for your advice, I think I've said all I can say to him, he knows how I feel, so I will leave it in Gods hands and pray he changes the situation.
                                   Thanks Symphony

[Symphony]

thank you, Terri.

Yes, after reading yours again, and to Shiro, I'm thinking regardless of other factors, if a spouse doesn't like what the other is doing, that other spouse should at least be willing to listen.  Yours apparently isn't even listening, so I'm not sure here.

If something I'm doing is offending someone else(my spouse or anyone else), even tho itself isn't necessarily wrong, in Christian love I have to be willing to at least listen, if not cease that activity, lest I cause another to fall.  The scripture is clear on that.

But, if hubby isn't even reading the Bible, he probably isn't a Christian or maybe just isn't being too smart.  

I'm praying with you that your husband will be led out of this.  

As for my suggestions in my first post above, I'm not sure.  

Also, Psalm119 here may be of some good help.  She has helped others I think, and can speak from some personal experience.

I will IM her here and email her too.

[Psalm 119]

Terri,

I'm not too familiar with these type of games, but the verse that came to mind was "But shun profane and idle babblings for they will increase to more ungodliness." 2 Timothy 2:16

Regarding your situation....I believe that your husband has never been truly born again. I would recommend that you pray for him to have a heart transformation (repentance). If someone loves Jesus they will love His Word.

Terri, my husband was not a believer for the first 17 years of our marriage, he now has known the Lord for 11 years. The transformation was remarkable ( as it should be). I would encourage you to intercede on his behalf. Pray against the power of darkness. And above all never give up...or the enemy will have his way.

I would ( in love) ,continue to share your displeasure with this behavior....and give Scriptual reasons....then if he rejects it, he rejects God and not you. You need to keep yourself from sin, regardless of your husband's behavior. ( and it's difficult! The flesh would love to get radical)

Love,
Psalm 119

[Tibby]

My 2 cents, the fact that he plays EQ, and plays with spells and magic is fine, the key word there is PLAY. If he isn’t in some delusion that he can cast a spell on people, it is fine. If Magic was good enough for C.S. Lewis, it is good enough for me, as long as we keep it into perspective, and understand there is no such thing as REAL magic.

The Problem is mainly with the fact you say he is addicted to it . Online Gaming can be an very addicting thing, like chat, only with more to do. And EQ is one of the largest Gaming Networks to date, who know how many people are on it at any given time! Take him out to eat, make he go to the movies with you. If that doesn’t work, try to find thing simpler to EQ that will get him off the comp. Play a 1on1 pen and paper RPG or D&D Storytelling session with him. Take him to the local SCA or Ampguard meeting, Hack and slash online just doesn’t compare to the mass battles those groups hold. It will keep him in shape, and get him off the comp, and maybe out meeting some people with similar interest.

But if your fear is the spells, and not the addiction, the LARP may not be the best thing. I would check out the SCA, they strive for historical Accuracy, and they don’t use any kinds of spells for talk of magic. The website is:

www.sca.org

[Psalm 119]

Tibby,

You have not given Terri good counsel....on the contrary. Does not the scripture say that the devil is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. What does the enemy look for? opportunity!

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." Ephesians 6:13

The main problem with our mindset (within Christian circles) is that we like to push the envelope. Let's see how far we can get to edge of the cliff without falling off. I fear hell will be full of those who thought that they could pursue such things and God would just wink.

Psalm 119

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to Terri,

It's very nice to hear from you and see you back on Christians Unite. I'm very sorry to hear about your recent concerns and will be praying for you.

As an older guy, I don't know very much about role playing games, and I've never heard of EQ. However, it is plain to see that his addiction with it is robbing the family and him of more constructive and worthwhile things. I play a 1980 Atari Game called Centipede several times per week 10-20 minutes at a time. I think that I play it just for fun, and I doubt I would miss it at all. I hate to say it, but it sounds like hubby is acting like a little kid. I don't understand this type of addiction, so I'll simply pray for you.

In Christ.

[Terri]

Hi Psalm 119,

Thanks so much for your great Christian advice. I am really not sure  if my husband is born again. He says he believes in God but he never wants to go to church, his life is the same as when I ment him, not much has changed in his life. He doesn't read the Bible. So I have been praying and asking God to change him.

My patients are growing thin with my husband. I go to Church without him so do the children. My son even asked him one day Daddy do you love God. My husband was shocked that my 7 year old was asking him that. But my son sees me going to church and doesn't see daddy going. So in his mind daddy doesn't love God. I could tell that bothered my husband, but it wasn't enought to get his butt into Church.

 Psalm119 sounds like you might understand where I am coming from, having lived with a non Christian husband. That is really great God answered your prayers and your husband is now a Christian for 11 years!!!!!!

I pray for the day that happens with my husband. It's just hard being a Christian and your own family not understand where you are coming from. I feel so distant from my husband. And I know he doesn't understand me or where I am coming from it is sooo frustrating.

Hi Tibby,

Thanks for your input, I know you may mean well with all you said. But I feel firm that any spells or magic or anything the Bible tell us not to have anything to do with, we as Christians need to stay clear of those things!!!!! I realize the world is trying to make these things seem non harmful to our lives but the truth is we as Christian need to stay firm to what the Bible says and not what the world says.

Thanks for the advice, and concern all you have giving me
                                   Terri

[Symphony]

I'm not sure if you've visited it, but IrishAngel here has a really nice refreshing website,

http://www.geocities.com/shellysplace_nb/.

The music is really refreshing and the different pages she has there, some for the ladies, and children.  

It's just a nice break.

I'm praying for you today Terri, and for hubby and family...

In Jesus' Name....

[Tibby]

If magic is what is bothering you, then I would advise just looking into the SCA. It will get him off the Computer, and out of the magic you fear he is dabbling in. Any kind of frontward assault on the Game he loves so much will just make him defensive, and he will continue to say it is harmless fun, and that you are over reacting. You would do better to find a Christian alternative, or at least one that doesn’t conflict with your Christian Beliefs. If he just gvies it up because you keep bugging him about it, it will most likely be half-hearted, and he might fall back into it. Addictions are a strong thing. I know you are more upset by the spells, but it is the addiction it self that keeps him coming back for more.

Symphony - nice site, by what how does it help? I’m confused.

[LanceA]

Terri,

I know what you are dealing with.  I was addicted to EQ and several other games.  I went through a number of years where I lived my life without God.  I fell into Paganism and got caught up in the games.  Many of my friends are still trapped in the games Satan uses.  I had to finally get rid of my computer to stop myself from playing.  I recently gave my life back to the Lord but still have struggles with what I use to do.  All my friends are addicted to games and are mostly Pagans.  I even took a computer back from a friend who was addicted to EQ and I saw what it was doing to his life.  He eventually found a way to buy another one so my effort didn't help much.  Have you tried counseling or maybe have your pastor talk with him?  Or how about stripping him of his computer?  Might sound a bit harsh but if you want the marriage to work and for him to actually see what it is doing to him maybe it would be a good idea.  Just remember he can always find another addiction to occupy his time.  My new addiction is reading the Bible as much as possible.  I still have struggles but for now it helps.  

Lance

[Psalm 119]

Terri,

I wanted to add ,that you should continue in what you know to be right. Continue to train up the children in the way they should go. This may be the cross that the Lord would have you carry right now. The cross can get heavy and burdensome, but it does bring forth the fruit of righteousness.

I remember the years I cried to the Lord to change my husband. Guess what ? He wanted to change me first. Yes, I would lose my patience and sometimes have no hope. But the Lord carried me through those years, and He brought me to the other side. God is faithful!

If you would like to IM me and talk further I would be delighted to talk with you.

Love in Christ,
Psalm 119