Hello. My name is Heather. I'm a 30-something tutor/school assistant from Wisconsin. I only work part time because I have fibromyalgia and several mental health issues including social phobia. I was raised in a mostly non-Christian home. (My dad and stepmom claimed to be Christians, but didn't pray, go to church, etc. and their hypocrisy is the main reason why my three siblings are not Christians. My mom is an ex-Catholic who left the church because of the cruelty and stupidity of other Christians and has never gone back.) Some of my friends growing up were Christians. I started out at a Lutheran college and joined IVCF while I was there. Some of the people I dealt with were terrific. Others, not so much. The leaders of my small group were the type who used prayer like a club, and I was afraid to ask any questions. I was terrified that they would figure out I wasn't a Christian and didn't belong and then they would pray for me because anyone who disagreed with them was a horrible person going straight to hell. It took several years to recover from the experience. I was finally saved by television and radio programs. I used to watch the 700 Club, which I found to mostly be a money-making machine for Pat Robinson (Donate to the 700 Club and God will make you rich!), but he does say the salvation prayer at the end of every program. I started praying it too. And wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't feel any different and dear old Pat kept telling me how much my life was supposed to change. I prayed the salvation prayer five days a week for about six months. Nothing happened. But I figure, if I'm not saved by now, it isn't going to happen. I've tried to join a church, but between the pain and exhaustion of fibromyalgia and the abject terror of facing the crowds and the pastor (authority figure) I've very rarely been able to attend services. I mostly end up sitting in the parking lot in my car crying if I can even manage to leave the house. So I don't know what to do. God wants me to attend church and have fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. He wants me to get baptized. But after more than a decade of prayer and effort, I'm no closer to joining a church than I was at the beginning. I want to scream! Sorry for ranting a bit. Thanks for listening! Heather
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