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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
286863 Posts in 27569 Topics by 3790 Members
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1  Fellowship / Just For Women / Re: Pornography on: August 21, 2007, 11:15:57 AM
"Be very careful in asking for a "Wreath of Thorns" as the Lord may do so for your own sins."

What is the use in helping others if we ourselves can not admit our own sins and ask that God help us to overcome them?  Even if it is as harsh as this?  If you're not willing to ask for your own wreath, then you should not be willing to ask for another to have one.
2  Fellowship / Just For Women / Re: Pornography on: August 16, 2007, 02:02:14 PM
LisaR, did you know you can actually block what he views online?  Depending on what kind of internet source you use, there are different ways around this.  You will initiate a password and you will be the only one to be able to use it or change it.  You will have to do a little research to review the sites he needs to view on a regular basis like maybe yahoo news or any of his online banking he might do, then you can give full access to the sites you and your family need while those that do not have a rating or have a bad rating will be blocked requesting a password. 

I too have been on the receiving end of lovings from a porn addict.  I have read books and looked at sites trying to figure out if it is me or if it is him.  The truth is, this sin lies on your husband alone.  Do NOT try to take the blame or be held accountable for HIS sins.  I do believe that in marriage you both must be held accountable as you are one flesh in the eyes of God, however, if you are fully willing to submit to your husband and have informed him of this, you are doing all you can.  I know there are two sides to every story and I can not say that I have been fully pristine in God's eyes (as we are not married) however, if you truly take a look at yourself and discover yourself within God you will be able to do nothing but pray for your husband.  I heard once to pray for a wreath of thorns; so that when he attempts to do those things that are bringing him pleasure in a sinful nature, he will get hurt.  As much as we don't wish pain upon any of those we love, sometimes we need to help them with lessons.  After the wreath of thorns, ask for a wreath of protection so that once he finally can stop, the temptation won't return.  There is nothing worse than going back to a sin after you've defeated it.

I will pray for you and your husband.  I also pray for your health and emotions.
3  Fellowship / For Men Only / Re: Pornography- The silent killer of the Body of Christ on: July 14, 2007, 09:58:57 AM
Maybe I am too unclear with my words.  I do type in circles I've been told.  I am not justifying the sin.  I am accepting the sinner.  Jesus tells us to acknowledge the sin and accept the sinner, not to ignore the sin and accept the sinner or to accept the sin and ignore the sinner.  What our brother was doing by coming here for help is not wrong.  Jesus tells us to confess to one another as well as to our Lord.  Maybe our brother does not feel that confessing to his congregation is in his best interest right now but wishes to confess to strangers.  Let him confess how he sees fit.  He is doing nothing wrong with coming here.

I also gave inspiration on how to help himself as best I could.  I am not a man, I am not a minister and I am not addicted to pornography, I am not in his shoes.  But I am offering what I can, kind words and hopeful direction.

Let him be healed before he confesses to his congregation, but for now, he should step down and seriously pray.

I could quote the bible too and tell him where the bible says it's wrong, he KNOWS it's wrong and is coming here for a little assistance.  So what if he gave some insite from a site he's read.  You are all denying that it happens.  Denying it is the leading cause of sin.  IT HAPPENS.  ALL SIN HAPPENS.  It's nothing we should deny but in turn accept and forgive just as Jesus taught, because NONE of us are any better.
4  Fellowship / For Men Only / Re: Pornography- The silent killer of the Body of Christ on: July 13, 2007, 01:47:29 PM
God Bless you all for coming to confess your sins infront of others so that you might be forgiven. 

I believe it is sad that none of you so called disciples haven't come up with that one.  Jesus tells us to confess, these people are coming to you with a problem.  They are calling for your help, and some young lady weak in faith has to be the first to tell them what they are doing by coming here for help is right.  I believe you all need to take a look at what you are saying and expecting of one another.

A friend of mine was heavily addicted to porn.  I was not the loving friend I am today that can discuss it quietly and without demands.  I yelled and told him that God saw what he was looking at.  His excuse was that God tells us to admire the opposite sex.  Admire is not a gawk, stare or anything else.  I can admire a mans body without "elevator eyes".  I don't end up drooling or making a private idiot of myself.  Now I understand that each persons sin is their own and all i can do is try to help when help is needed.  First off, if you have a computer that you share with another person, ask them to put on a parental blocker for your log-on.  This will be a nucense at first, because they will have to type in the password a million times for everything good that you view, but after a while it will get better.  Also, try to look up beating pornography at the library or online. 

I went to another forum when I was super stressed about it and they directed me to a Christian Recording Artist named Clay Crosse.  He was addicted to pornography and he and his wife wrote a book about it.  I suggest that you try to find the link (since links are removed here) and do what you can to get this book.  It helped me understand things from the other side.  And verified what I was thinking about my friend.  It also helped me correct my thinking and how I came to my friend with this issue.

I can do nothing other than pray for you on this matter, so please, do not be afraid to confess your sins, even if it is to a stranger on a message board.  You are doing something right. 
5  Fellowship / Just For Women / Re: god does answer prayers in his time not ours on: July 12, 2007, 11:07:27 AM
Gina, I truly feel for you, the pain I read in your messages is deep and severe.  I will pray for you. 

It is time for your husband to make a decision.  He has let his lust overtake him for too long.  I can almost assure you that he does not LOVE this other woman, but only lusts after her physical being.  They call it the "honeymoon stage" which can last years.  This is the fun part of any relationship where everything is still new and exciting and you feel the butterflies all the time.  This will not make a relationship last.  What makes a relationship last is love, communication, trust and respect.  If he is not willing to give you what you need in a relationship, I suggest you tell him to leave.  Let him file the papers.  Give him a decent amount of custody since he says he'll miss the kids.  You will always love him.  I can't tell you how many of my friends are in this same situation of yours.  I can't say it will be easy or that you'll fall in love with another, but God will fill those holes in your heart and you will be okay.  That's all I can truly say because that's His promise.
6  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re: 4 years for nothing? on: July 10, 2007, 02:15:49 PM
I'm already lost.  I've strayed so far from that road, I question if I ever was on it in the first place.  I honestly do.  Talking to so many people and reading what people write and reading the bible, saying God only comes with loud trumpets and waves of power, I don't know if what I believed to be the Lord is actually what I encountered.  What I experienced when I believed to be a Christian was not fear at all, it was love so deep it made me sad because I knew I couldn't comprehend it.  Things so beautiful that I can't describe.  I don't fear the Lord like everyone says I have to in order to be a Christian.  I am in total awe of the power and love for us, this world, and everything around us, but I don't fear Him. 

I guess my situation is meaningless compared to my situation with God.  There are too many things in this world that I can't control.  I've just lost my job and I still have a home to keep up.  I appreciate all the thoughts and words and prayers.  I just don't know how to make things better.  Everyone can say, just leave, just do this, just do that, but I guess this fear and understanding and trust in the Lord isn't great enough within me yet to just pack up and live out of my car.  It's just my truth.
7  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re: 4 years for nothing? on: July 05, 2007, 08:41:44 AM
He is not physically abusing me.  Emotionally, mentally, I sometimes think so.  I have made a lot of changes with myself just in the last 6 months.  I've taken control over most of my life.  I still give in to some things and I've taken responsibility for the things I do wrong. 

He is a good person, just not the person for me, not now.  He's not off with other women, he doesn't have time for that, but he does try to find time to talk with them on occasion. 

I do not have anywhere else to go right now.  I am an hour and a half away from my home town where all of my family is located.  I do not have any friends down here, nor do I think I want to.  It is a great job, it's just part time, I was promised full time and then got it taken away for a deviation that occured 5 months prior to the punishment.  Now I have to wait until the earliest of August to go full time.

Art has helped me, whether for his benefit or mine.  I believe it is for both.  I know that our lifestyle isn't helping our future and that it needs to change.  I have been reading the Bible more and more and taking notes.  I talked with him yesterday and he suggested that I fast from sin.  He is willing to put aside his flesh desires for me to do this, which tells me he's not truly out to hurt me.  We prayed last night and I can only hope it works. 

Sometimes I fear that I am forgotten, that I've repeated the prayers in my heart too much and He does not choose to hear me now.  I am trying to focus on one thing at a time and it's impossible for me to do.  I wish I could just disappear from the world and focus on what I need to focus on, but that can't happen, I have responsibilities.  My first goal is to understand the fear I should feel for the Lord.  I am amazed at His power to create or disable things with nothing more than a thought to do so, but I don't think I fear Him like I should.  Any help on this subject is graciously accepted. 

I know I'm jumping from one subject to another, but there's a lot of mess in my life and like I said, I can't just focus on one thing, there's too much that needs to be done.  I appreciate all of your prayers and responses.  thank you.
8  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re: 4 years for nothing? on: July 03, 2007, 04:40:58 PM
He says that the Lord knows his heart and even though he does not lead a godly lifestyle, that his heart is set for the Lord.  He is waiting on his brothers return before he changes.  His brother will be arriving at earliest of April.  His brother is a very faithful man, he brings tears to my eyes just knowing the faith and obedience that lies within him for God.  I am afraid also that no matter how much i change to follow God's requests, I will never be good enough to enter Heaven's gates.  Such a small amount will be allowed in through the resurrection and I fear that I will not make it in time.

I have prayed a thousand times that God help me out of my burdens, yet I still see no resolution in the distance.  I don't know what else to do, if I don't give in, the days here can become minutes and I am afraid Art will throw me out with my cats to live in my car.  It is miserable and a stupid excuse, but if I give in to him at least he won't be angry for a few hours (usually). 

I have had friends tell me that I have done nothing wrong, that he does not deserve my love.  He was deeply upset by this, adding that he has given me a home to live in with my cats (and he is not a cat person) given me food and paid my bills when I couldn't, he says he's put up with a lot.  I don't doubt it, sometimes it is hard for me to deal with myself, let alone someone else deal with me.  I am tired of it feeling like a pity party, I just want things to change and I am not in control of the situation, nor will I be for a while.  I know God has ultimate control, but I believe that we do things to ourselves and turn to Him to change everything.  I know that I can't get a glass of milk just by praying, I need to get up, go to the fridge and get it myself, it is because of God that all my parts work and that I'm able to thirst, I just can't get up, something is weighing me down, and right now I feel that money and this relationship are those weights.
9  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re: 4 years for nothing? on: July 03, 2007, 03:02:02 PM
Pastor Roger, No, I am not a born again, nor would I dare consider myself a Christian at this point.  I believe, and have been raised to believe, and understand that Jesus is my saviour, but for many years now (about 7) I have had failing faith.  I have trouble accepting Jesus as my Saviour because I do not understand forgiveness.  I do not understand why He would choose to accept someone like me, who can't even stop snooping, and forgive me.  Possibly because of the addiction I face.  There are times when I sense His presence and feel that he has forgiven me, but for the most part, no, I have difficulty understanding and accepting.  However, I have begged on my knees for God to come and instruct me and give me strength and guidance and to take control.  I have been told I am too closed minded to accept what I ask for though, and that I do not shut my mouth enough for it.  I have been reading Proverbs and taking notes and trying to figure it all out, I understand what must be done, but am in such financial burdeon that I can not change my situation to better my relationship with my Lord.

I know that the life I have created is not one that follows His ways, unfortunately I am stuck here until my house sells and I am able to save enough money to move out and support myself again.  I am not able to move back home because my parents have disowned me (mostly) for my decisions.  They do not live a Christian lifestyle either, they are simply unhappy that Art and I have embarked on selling the house rather than selling it to them to benefit them. 

The other side of this sword is that, when we are together and getting along, he will tell me that he doesn't love me now, but once his life changes and he starts following the Lord, he will be willing to see me for who I am and might be able to love me the way I need.  His past rockstar lifestyle has left a bad taste in his mouth towards women and I am being condemned for it.  And because of the lack of trust I feel that I must submit to his constant asking for physical relations.  Many times I am praying to God that it will all be over soon while he's doing his own thing.  But at the same time, I feel that I am somehow sent to him to protect and defend him.  Part of me knows this is wrong, but part of me believes without me, he would have an STD by now or would not have quit drinking or drugs or women (for the most part). 

I do attend church at least once a month, I promised myself this.  One is quite radical, but I enjoy a traditional service.  I attended one that my hometown pastor suggested, though the format was the same, I did not enjoy it like I remember enjoying church.  I was raised Lutheran and remember all the old hymns, this church is mainly black or African and they do not sing hymns, they have an African woman leading a few young girls through their native songs.  The other radical church once had an entire service based on asking for money.  They usually have a good message, but it is one of those massive churches you see on TV.  I like it to be a little more personal where the Pastor knows my name. 

I am new to this town and am quite afraid of venturing out because most of it has turned to bad parts of town.  I do not feel safe in most areas alone but attempt to face my fears on occasion.

I do not know what else to do until my home is sold because Art accuses me of cheating if I do not surrender to his requests.  And even when I do, he still hurts me with untrusting words and glances.  I have no where else to go because all of my money is taken and my bills are so incredibly high.  I can't afford to drive from my old town back to this one to work, especially at part time hours and there are no jobs for me in my old town.

I am just lost and need some guidance, and maybe I don't shut my mouth enough, but I'm trying to ask the questions to receive the answers.

Thanks for your response, I will continue to pray as I do each and every day.
10  Welcome / About You! / New and growing on: July 03, 2007, 01:53:40 PM
Hello, my name is Terisa, I'm from Michigan.  I'm 25 years old right now and have owned my home for over 5 years, though I am soon to sell it (I hope).  I have an associates degree in Natural Science and am currently working in the only place in the United States that makes the vaccine for Anthrax. 

I have two wonderful kitties, Kamala has one eye and Gotnun or as I like to call her "Fuzzy" or "Twitch" used to have a snotty nose (used to call her Snot Nose) but she is healthy now.

I have a rather large extended family that used to be VERY tight, we don't get to spend time together like we used to, now that most of the cousins are in college.  But the memories are fond and we still try to get together for Christmas.  But as far as siblings, I have one younger brother who is engaged to be married.

Currently I am in love with the man I am living with, and if you found my other post you will read that the situation is not so hot.  But I believe in love and believe God works through love. 

I still am weak in faith and turn to my own mind to sort things out rather than the Word of God.  And I believe in luck and wish upon stars (more like they remind me to pray extra special for love).

I've lost all my highschool friends, due to bad arguments between them and I, but I still hold them dear in my heart and wish them the best in their lives. 

The current picture is of me and my mother last Christmas.  My mom is amazing and I wish to be as great a mother as she has been to me some day. 

I love classic rock music and adore Aerosmith.  I have no real talents, but I play in making bead jewlery and crafts. 

What else?  Not much.  But Hello!!
11  Fellowship / You name it!! / 4 years for nothing? on: July 03, 2007, 01:26:48 PM
Hello, I am new here and I am here because I need some serious Christian advice.  I will tell the story to the best of my ability and try to give perspectives of those that were involved.  Please, I need to know how to continue and which direction God would suggest for me.  I am at a complete loss with many things in life, this is the biggest I would say, second to my lack of true faith in our Lord (which I'm always trying to work on).

I was 21 years and a couple months.  I ventured to a bar for the first time with my best friend.  Enjoyed myself so I continued, I became friends with local bands and followed many of them quite frequently.  Alcohol was a big part of the picture then.  I met Art in January when one band split and he was a newer member to one half.  I was totally struck by this man, very attractive, attentive, gave me attention and free beer.  He complimented me and made me feel like a young woman, he'd dance with me on occasion to the dirty rap songs during intermission but was often "working" the crowds.  I discovered he had a girlfriend but remained his friend at the bar.  In September (22 years old now) Art told me how he and his girlfriend were not going to make it, and I invited him over.  This was my first sexual experience. 

Please let me be clear, that I never gave the image of a virgin.  I am ashamed to say that I wore less clothes than Cher with 2 feet of snow outside.  I danced and kissed many men though before Art I NEVER went home with any of them.  I consider my phase a period of hiding myself because I was ashamed of my "goodie, goodie" image.  I didn't want these bar people to know who I was, and they ate up the false image of "Gypsy Star" to the end.  To an extent I thought it was fun, but looking back, it was not who I was or am and I am ashamed.

The sex continued, and so did the lies.  He told me he no longer had a girlfriend and would spend the weekend at my home almost every single weekend.  As this happened, I started having feelings for him and was honest with him that the feelings were coming about and growing quickly.  Little did I know, he was going home to his girlfriend and telling her he was sleeping at a band members home.  Little did I know, he was also collecting phone numbers and bed partners while I was (practically) standing next to him.  I do not actually know how many women he had been with since I came into the picture (part of me is frightened for this, and I thank God that he and I are clean).  He made it very clear to me that he wanted nothing but sex from me and that it would never evolve into something meaningful.  Somewhere, somehow I felt otherwise.

He invited another woman into his bed while he was still with his girlfriend and I.  I started to get the picture.  After a long year struggle with trying to stay away from him and still having "loving" feelings for him, I could refrain no longer and terminated both his third fling and girlfriend.  (Not killed, just was persuasive with my words and they left.)  Of course this made me the enemy in his eyes, but the sex never ended.  At some point he was frustrated with me enough to tell me to "go @@@@ someone else" twice.  Unfortunately I did, both times and regret them whole heartedly.

Now, it has been 2 years since I am sure he has had no extra partners (almost 5 years total), though, how sure can one be?  However, through this time, he has collected numerous phone numbers and made many secret phone calls (even within my own home) to these "women". 

One I know, Tina, he had made out with and made every possible attempt to find secret time with her, but I don't believe that it evolved once I got a hold of her phone number and threatened her. 

One woman, Leslie, told me she knew about me and still gave her phone number, but then told him not to call because she felt remorse. 

Another, Chris, is a long time friend of his from the bar, whom he swears he's never had sex with, but still would talk to her at 1:30 in the morning. 

Shelly came out to see him on a lie, she came up with a horrible lie about finding Art's new band on-line through a mistype, but through checking his e-mail he had just sent her his phone number asking her to call.  Come to find out, she is married, but for some reason, he has her home address in his phone book. 

Kathy, he met at New Years Eve, after I drove him 5 days in a row 300 miles each day in my car, paying with my gas to a gig, in the dress he bought me and the diamond necklace too.  I confronted her and she lied to me, then called him a few days later, he then lied to me also.  I called and threatened her as well.

Lori, he met at another gig, that I drove him to.  And even took the paper with his phone number out of her friends hand, they all lied to me saying they were going to book another gig.  The next day he talked to her for an hour.

Monica is the first "young one" since me.  I am 25, he is 39.  She is 23-24, and in dire need of attention.  He met her the night I was babysitting his youngest child (I wonder if he set that up?) then collected her phone number at another gig, while I was in attendance.  I called her as well.

Through all of this (2 years) I have checked his e-mail and phone and phone messages.  I have called most of these women to advise them not to continue until I was at least moved out of his home, but most of them gave it another shot or two before I called again and threatened again.  Most of them have ceased all communication with him, finally realizing that what he says isn't true.  From what I gather, he tells these women that I am infatuated with him, and that he is sick of me being around him all the time, that he doesn't trust me or respect me because I don't give him trust or respect.  He is absolutely set on telling me he still does not love me nor ever will, nor will he ever marry me, "so help me God" as he says. 

What confuses me is that, I hit a rough financial spot and lost my job, and he encouraged me to come live with him, I could have moved home with my parents, but he wanted my company.  He took my cats in with a fight, but I became majorly depressed without them.  He supports me financially right now because I am still trying to sell my home and am only working part time so I can drive him to gigs on the weekends (because he works 40-60+ hours a week).  He will not go to a gig alone, even if he doesn't have to work on the weekend, and won't allow me to go out with old friends because he doesn't believe I am talking to girls.  I encourage him to check my e-mail and phone so he feels secure, but that does not help.  Because of my part time job, he accuses me of cheating around on him because I have "extra" time.  Out of all the women he gawks at every single day, I have found 2 men at the bar I found decently attractive, I never walked up to them or danced with them, or exchanged names or numbers with them.  All things he has done right in front of me (or behind me).  I have no inclination to fool around on him because through being with him and knowing who he is, I do love the real Art.  I don't like the ego craving band guy that needs women to make himself feel "complete".  I love the one that sits and prays with me and helps me emotionally and spiritually through every day issues.  I admit that it has been almost one year since I've had an alcoholic beverage (minus one half shot) and we both quit the same day because I punched him in his head (not the first and not the last) because of a phone call from one of his chicks.

I don't know what else to add to the story.  He is desperate to get me out, and calling women every day at work trying to feed his ego.  Unfortunately for him, I changed their numbers and he thinks they are disconnected.

I pray for God to help get me out of this situation, but I fear that the sexual control will remain for a while.  I want to be strong and leave for good, I would be his friend, but fear I will do as he wishes in a couple weeks or months.  I believe that I have given my entire heart to him and any relationship from this point on will suffer because of it.  I have asked God to forgive me for the phone calls and e-mails and checking up on him all the time, but can't seem to stop doing it, so my prayers are in vain. 

Any help?
12  Entertainment / Music / Re: YOUR FAVORITE WORSHIP SONG AND WHY. on: July 02, 2007, 01:54:54 PM
"That Great Day" or "Only A Man" by Jonny Lang.  I suggest you all take a listen to it on the album "Turn Around".  It's amazing.  I cried.  I also like Casting Crowns.
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