Thank you butch, again I like what you had to say.  Thank you for your advice.  I do try really hard, I feel like I give and give of myself and don't get a whole lot in return.  I can't say I don't get anything though...it's just too infrequent for my preference!  Also, when I have to TELL my husband that I need him to treat me this way or that, spend time with me, be affectionate, ect...I feel like it doesn't mean that much to me because I had to tell him.  Someone told me I needed to get over that, is she right?  She probably is.  It's just that I have to tell him what I need several times because he always forgets, and that makes me not feel important to him (if I was, wouldn't he remember at least the second time??).  Then I feel bad or selfish for always telling him how I need my beeds met...like I'm being demanding.  I feel like I get on his nerves a lot by telling him everything I need from him.

He is very into God, a pretty strong Christian (though being married now, he isn't quite AS strong as I thought when we were dating, but we're all human and I can give him some grace and pray for him.  I probably just feel that way because I see more sin in his life now than before).

If women are not allowed to speak in church, why then are we commanded to wear a head covering when we get up to  puplicly pray or prophesy?  The head covering was symbolic, and today it can be applied still in a different way.  If she goes before the congregation, she needs to have a symbol (or at least today someone needs to let everyone know) that says she is not trying to usurp God's order of design (that being God, man, then woman), and that she is not wishing she was a man.  Really!  I think the other gal was right, we can probably translate this to mean gossiping and such.

I have some ideas about the disciples too.  Remember, Jesus was tempted like anyone.  He may have chosen all men disciples to eliminate that temptation (not that he would have sinned!)  He also may have chosen men because he knew that a woman for a disciple would make him look REALLY bad (women were like cattle back then) and give him more things to be accused and suspected of doing by those who hated him.  That new ridicule would have distracted people from his message.  There were quite a few women, however, that Jesus treated and taught as if they were disciples, but never chose them to actually be such for the possible reasons above.

While there were no women disciples, there have been many women prophets, and it is suspected by some theologians that Hebrews may have been written by Priscilla- a woman!

First, I was concerned about your going to hell comment.  If you are saved, no sin or mistake of yours can send you there!  Don't abuse that however.

Considering that TECHNICALLY he did divorce for a biblical reason (adultry), he is okay as long as he has confessed his sin and totally repented, which I imagine he has.  Normally I would say that you ought not marry him, but he was not a Christian when all this happen.  Not to mention, it sounds like he has tried to reconcile with her with no success.  Based on this, he is a new creation in Christ and SHE will answer for not allowing their brokeness to be reconciled.  Since then he is a new creation, I do not believe that Jesus would frown on him starting over with a new family.  But he really needs to be SURE that she will not be reconciled.  

That is my opinion, I do not claim to speak for the Bible.

Hi, I recently found something out.   God said that it was not good for man to be alone, and that he would created a "helper" or "helpmate" for him.  Some translations may even be companion.  I have yet to see a translation with the TRUE meaning.  The real word should translate as "rescuer".  Why?  Adam was alone, it was the first problem on earth, and Eve was created to RESCUE him from lonliness.

Unfortunately, over the thousands and thousands of years where women we regarded as cattle, or inferior at best, it was never translated properly.  What a conspiracy!

Now, about submitting to them....this does not mean OBEY.  It means more of a yielding your will and life to him.  Get this- HE IS SUPPOSED TO YEILD HIMSELF TO YOU AS WELL!  It is stressed on the woman's part because it seems that women have a harder time doing this.  Submission is not something a husband is supposed to force....it wouldn't be submission if it were!  It is a choice- you have FREE WILL.  It says to submit to him in love, not obedience to him.  MY husband never TELLs me to do anything...and vice versa.  That was a premarital agreement we had based on our interpretation of scripture.  

You are your own person, precious to God.  He never intended for you to be cattle, second rate, inferior, WHATEVER.  He never intended for what has been going on over the history of man to the present to happen.  You are created to RESCUE someone from lonliness!  How cool!

I understand your compassion for him, I have been in several simular situations.  I do have a little advice and encouragement for you.

1.  Remember that you are BLESSED and your reward in heaven is great when people persecute you for the sake of Christ.  
2.  God's ways are so high above man's ways that we cannot comprehend them.  This DOES make defending your faith difficult at times, because man's "wisdom" can sound very convincing.  However, man's ways derive from Satan, the father of all lies.  For this, this man is worth pitying because he has bought into it apparently his entire long life.
3.  You are right, sometimes there is nothing you can do or say to turn a person.  If he is being rude and disrespectful of you as a person, there is probably nothing you could ever say or do that he will listen to.  This stems from a hatred that is not worth reasoning with. The Bible says to have nothing to do with people like him.  His heart is hardened and he is resisting the Holy Spirit working through you to save him.  This is the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit spoken of in the Bible that cannot be forgiven.  Pity him indeed.

Finally, I suggest you write him a final message (make it clear that it IS final and you will no longer respond to him no matter what he says, unless perhaps, if you wish, he is ready to have a civilized, kind discussion).  In this finaly reply, you might tell him that if you are wrong and he is right, you are loosing nothing.  If he is wrong and you are right, you gain more than he can understand and he looses and suffers more than he ever thought possible.  Tell him that THAT is worth considering, even if you don't have the factual and "man's wisdom" that he has.   Also, if you want to reap some coals on his head in your final reply, tell him that you have committed to pray for him every day for x-amount of time.  Then DO IT and END IT.

God bless sister!

I just adopted a cat from an animal shelter, and she smells kinda gross.  I don't want to give her a bath; is there anything else I can do for it??

I had an iguana for 8 years, he was my child!  He was over 4 feet and he retained his green color his whole life (it has to do with their diet).  If you EVER have questions about your pet, I'm your girl!  I also worked at Petco for two years, so I became the community iguana expert everyone would go to!  Then one day, my baby swallowed a penny behind my back.  Weeks later, it started to break down in his system and he stopped eating.  I took him to the vet to have it out, but he died two days after surgery because it was too late.  I cried through two of my college classes.  People shouldn't put them down, they are great pets!  They are so smart (mine was paper trained and used me as a ladder too!).  He always gave me kisses and used my body to keep warm.  He loved sitting on my boombox when it was playing, I think he could feel the beat.  Maybe they appreciate music.  They can become rather loyal too. He wouldn't eat much when I went out of town and someone else took care of him.  I feel so bad about what happened.  He was my pride and joy.  

Thanks for the advice.  He usually looks away now when stuff like that comes on the TV, still pretty slow on changing the channel though.  He knows it bothers me.  He wasn't tolerating it before because he liked it and was interested in it, he says he has just gotten so used to it being around all the time (he's air force), and no one ever explained to him HOW wrong it was an how it can hurt his healthy relationships.  Of course he's a Christian, I wouldn't marry anything else.  Butch, I think you are very intuitive.  I am not insulted.  He knows that I don't feel loved, and I guess I have felt that it was my own fault for not doing something that he needed.  He's known for quite a while, and just never did anything about it.  Now all of a sudden, he's decided he must not be doing something right if I don't feel like he cares for me.  So since you realized that maybe I am just trying to get his attention, is that the wrong route?  Should I hold back more and be more distant?  What should I do?

You said not to answer, but it's only fair that I do.  We have sex almost every night.  I have talked to him about that area and he is pretty satisfied.  I also initiate it a lot.  The thing is, he is not extremely interested in sex like it seems most men are.  I mean he is, but it isn't this huge driving force.  He says it hasn't been for years (we have been married 3 months).  He is mostly content with that though, he feels normal about it. So I want to know what else I can do, other than sex, that can let him know he is my priority and that I love him deeply.

I KNOW, I know, this is a men's only forum.  I just wanted to "ask the guys" a couple questions.  First, how can I show my husband that I love him?  What kinds of things make men feel like MEN?  

Also, I do notice the huge amount of porn EVERYWHERE, and it is so embarassing and humiliating to me. It really pains me to see it incorporated into everything.  Early in my marriage, my husband did not know to change the channel or fastforward inappropriate scenes, and I was so very very heartbroken and disapointed at some of the things he has tolerated his eyes to see.  He is learning now, and I am wondering if there is anything (besides pray for him) that I can do to help him in this area?  Can I offer any of the helpful tips I've read on this forum, or would that offend or threaten him?

Little House on the Prairie is ok, but in all honesty I can't stand Touched by an Angel.  They always came so close to presenting the truth but shyed away from it every time.  I also think it is a very poor representation of angels.  Maybe I'm too into facts...but if you judge it by accuracy it's not a good show. It's rather...lukewarm if you will.

I lift my voice and seek your face, standing in this holy place.
Lifting my eyes in this sanctuary, I see the cross you didn't have to carry.
I close my eyes and picture the attack-the flesh hanging loosly on your back,
stripped, beaten, object of mock
bleading, bruised, your body in shock.
Thrown to the ground, nails driven in,
placed on a hill and mocked again.
"it is finished" you faintly said,
with a speared side and thorns on your head.
deserted, betrayed, alone, naked
murder, adultry, deceit, hatred
drunkeness, gossip, demon possesion
cursing, incest, porn addiction
drugs, wickedness, anger, violence,
homosexuality, pride, wrath, arrogance
foolishness, theft, prostitution.
you became my substitution.


Lord teach me to pray, and to listen;
show me the way, and give me passion.
Be my master and king, and forever I will sing:
I'm free, no longer slave to sin, I belong to Jesus, he's coming agian.
I can throw all my sin at his throne, and never again will I walk alone.
I can lay my troubles down at his feet,I don't have to worry, I am complete.
Alpha, omega, beginning and end
creator, almighty, I call him friend.
I am so in debt for what he's done
for sendng his only begotten son.
Grace, truth, hope, righteousness,
love, joy, praise, faithfulness,
goodness, kindness, upright, purity,
morals, loyalty, blessed, integrity,
humility, peace, mercy, godliness,
happiness, generousity, courage, holiness,
forgiven, redeemed, saved, adopted
fullfilled, paid for, he died instead.

I agree with willow. If you say nothing you are almost guilty yourself.

I was dating a guy that wasn't good for me.  He was controlling and looking back, probably wasn't really a Christian.  He had lied to me about so many things, and I compromised so much.  My parents said nothing but good things about him, they seemed very approving.  I was thinking and thinking for months about breaking up with him.  I thought maybe it would work out, or this or that.  I had already gone too far with him physically (not sex but almost) and the relationship really hurt me spiritually.  I wrestled with the idea of breaking up for months, but I wasn't sure if it was right.  Not to mention I was afraid because we worked together.  He knew all my secrets and fears, and I knew he'd betray them in his anger.  I finally did break up with him though.  Afterwards, my parents boasted to their friends that they had prayed so long and hard that we would break up, and how they thought he was bad for me.  I was so angry with them.  I realized that I often don't like what they say and don't always take their advice, but I felt like they were obligated to say something to me anyway as my parents.  Honestly, despite my typical opposition to them, if they had said what they felt that would have been all I would have needed to get it over with.  TALK TO HER.  It doesn't sound like she's anything like me, I know, but say something.  Please.

I will pray for your daughter and for you.  I pray that you will have boldness and courage, and that you would communicate Jesus' and your unconditional love for her.  I pray that she will listen and be wise.  Blessed is he who turns a man from the error of his way!!  

My husband and I have been married since January. He is active duty Air Force, an assistant scoutmaster for the Boyscouts,he tries to go to the gym everday for an hour (I go with him often times) and we both help lead a small youth ministry at our church. During our three month marriage, I think he has played his video games once, because he was sick. How much time he gets to play these games has never been an issue to him. Considering his schedule, how much time he spends with me has always been an issue to ME. Spending time is extremely high on my needs list. Typically, if I don't feel second, I feel last place.  Recently, he wouldn't come to bed with me and he ended up playing video games until 3am. This was very upsetting to me. Now he is posing the problem of never having enough time to play his games. I strongly dislike video games. I think they are meaningless and a complete waste of time. I was really into a game for a few months once, but every time I played, I felt like a total looser for spending so much time on something that accomplished nothing! He tells me that it helps him "relax". It leaves me wondering why I'm not relaxing enough anymore. He's decided that he needs to play these games for 4 hours each week. This really bothers me...I feel very jealous for his time and attention. I feel like he's got a lot on his plate and this only takes more of his time. His comment to me was, "don't worry, I'm not hanging you out to dry." I don't know what that meant, but it didn't sound good. I know he didn't mean anything mean by it, but I feel really hurt that he wants to play these games so much. Am I being selfish? Am I being too co-dependant? Am I alone in this?? He offered once to give up boyscouts because it took up so much of his time, and he knew how it affected me.  He's not offering that with the video games, and I hesitate to ask because I want to please him.  I would really rather just throw them all out!  Am I wrong?