I knew this time would come but one is never prepared.  I need some good Christian advice.  I'll try to recap so that you can have a better understanding of the situation at hand.

 My mother was widowed quite young and has never remarried.  She is now 80 and living alone in a large house (with stairs)  There are only 2 of us kids.  I live 1,000 miles away and am married and raising my kids and work part time.  My sister (older) has never married and has no children.  She has always lived in the same state as our mother and at one point moved in with our mother after mom had a heart attack (I flew down and looked after mom for a month then, while my sister made arragements to move).  I always told my sister how much her sacrifice of living with mom meant to me since I am unable to get there to see/help her more than once or twice a year (finances and responsibilities with my own family prevent me from traveling that distance unless it is an emergency situation).  My husband has tried to find work somewhere in the state where my mother lives but has been unable to find any.  His parents are not well either and they live in a state that boarders where my mother lives so it would be perfect if we could move back to that area, but so far nothing.

We have tried to talk mom into moving in with us or moving closer to my sister but she won't do it.  So far we are blessed that Mom can still take care of herself, gets out to church and still drives (although she limits herself there --she knows her limits and doesn't go out after dark or on the interstate). The problem now is that there are signs of physical weakness and some very minor forgetfullness.  Although I do not believe she needs someone living in the house with her, she does need someone to check in on her on a regular basis.  I call at least once a day but if something was wrong, I couldn't get there until 48 hours later.  My sister is dating a fellow and has decided to move closer to him which puts her even further away from our mother, about a 5 hours drive verses the 1 hour drive now.  I know my sister must live her life but I am becoming concerned that she is putting a "boyfriend" (who isn't interested in marriage but would like a live in arrangement) before her own mother.  Am I wrong in thinking that if an adult child is not married  that  their first priority should be to the aging parent?  I feel helpless and don't know which direction turn.  I don't want our different views on how to best help our mother to cause a rift between us (thus far I have kept my mouth shut). As much as I want to, I can't afford to fly back and forth to check on my mother several times a year but my sister has let it be known that this is what I need to do.  

  The only neighbor that was faithful to check on our mother from time to time has now passed away.  There are no other family  members to draw from either.  Our mother has always been very independant and doesn't see that she needs to be looked in on, but she does admit she is lonely and needs help with household repairs,grass cutting etc.  She doesn't want a stranger in her home --such as a caregiver.    My mother is still active in her church but the church is over a 30 minute drive from her home and most people there that could help, work or are too old to help.

I want to keep peace in the family and do what Christ would have us do for our mother.  How do you accomplish this long distance? Does anyone else out there, who has been though this, have any advise to give?

Worried Daughter~