Our church offers free christian family counseling, but they can't get us in for another two weeks. My hasband has agreed to go.  He's a good man, and I agree that he feels he has to please his mother, however, I should be first in his life (second only to God) like he is to me.  He said that he would do this - but he's still letting her call all the time and not telling her it's time to stop.  I want to believe him, but the past keeps telling me it's not going to change.  It's very frustrating, and I appreciate that I'm able to get advice here since my husband and I struggle to discuss it.  Thank you.

[me]

Thank you for responding - any advice is truly appreciated.  However, being nice is what I've been doing for six years and now I'm tired.  This problem came up about three years ago and my husband and I had to sit down and reevaluate our marriage at that point.  He asked me then to "just be nice. . . for him".  I agreed and that's what I did.  Even though it really put a LOT of added stress on me, because she was hurting my child.  It would be different if she talked badly about me or said mean things to me - I could've cared less about that - however, it is my child who is hurting.  She would pick up the two oldest children to take them out shopping, and my other two would stand at the door crying because they wanted to go as well.  My younger two daughters will go running up to her when they see her at church only to get a quick hug and then pushed aside so she can see and talk to the older two.  The daughter that is only mine biologically was only a baby when we got married.  She could've welcomed her like a new grandchild into the family - but she did not.  It has gone so far at this point that I do not want my children around her.  My mom lives in a different state, so they don't get to see her enough to offset the inattentiveness shown by my husbands mother.  I am at a point where I feel she doesn't deserve the love of my children.  It used to be in the beginning of our marriage that if she was upset at my husband - my husband could not function until she was happy again.  Slowly, slowly that changed, but it took many years.  Not that she didn't continue to try to control him.  Soon it became my fault that she no longer had a 'good' relationship with her son.  (meaning she didn't have quite the control she had before).  I know this is not the Christian attitude that a loving wife should have, but I truly am at wits end.  Thank you for taking the time to respond - any advice is appreciated.

My husband and I have been married for six years now.  When we met, he had two children (of which he has custody) and I had one.  His were 4 and 5, mine had just turned 1.  After his divorce (kids were 2 and 3 by the time it was final) his mother cared for the children until he met me and we got married .  She has never treated my child equally - even talks badly about her.  My husband and I have another child now as well who is 4 and these two are never treated the same.  Not only that but she tries to tell me how to raise the children. My husband would get upset anytime I said something derogatory about his mother - even if it was true.  His mother and I finally came to blows not long ago and I told my husband that things must change.  He promised to put me first, and our family, and to trust him.  I'm finding it very hard - for his mother still calls at 'minimum', two times a day to make sure the kids are okay.  OUR kids.  He doesn't tell her that this is inappropriate, he just answers her questions and hangs up.  I am feeling like he is not understanding how troublesome she is even though we had this talk.  Any advice?