Things to Ponder (or not)

[Willowbirch]

1. Can you cry under water?

2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just   "chunkydunk."

3. How important does a person have to be before they are  considered  assassinated instead of just murdered?

4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have  branches?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you   were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it  would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies  wake up like every two hours?

10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money  in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

12. How come we choose from just two people for President and  fifty for Miss America?

13. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

14. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-  fitting clothing. If I  HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't  have signed up in the first place!

15. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you  haven't fallen asleep yet.

17. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.  

18. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

19. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have  started with something called labor!

20. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

[Shammu]

I was going to answer some of them but, number 3 -- I started to cry about.

[sincereheart]

2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just  "chunkydunk."

ROFL!  

[Shylynne]

2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just  "chunkydunk."

ROFL!  

Eh!  

[Shylynne]

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

 EH!

[Willowbirch]

I was going to answer some of them but, number 3 -- I started to cry about.

Aww! I was trying to make you laugh, not spoil your reading time!

Here's something to cheer you up:
Coffee, once believed to be bad for your teeth (stains), is now thought to protect them to a certain extent.

Chocolate is beneficial to your health. It contains calcium and vitamins and necessary carbohydrates to help you function.

Dirt is good for you. By getting your regular dirt "fix", your body builds up immunities and absorbs some minerals that many of our diets lack. The Lord says we are to work with our hands; its not just a chore, its healthy!

 

[Gracey]

1. Can you cry under water?

Yes...we cry with our souls (the cries of the heart)

2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just  "chunkydunk."

I can totally relate to that!

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Taxes?  Postage & handling charges?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you  were buried in for eternity?

I hope not...that's gonna give me nightmares  

15. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Uhhhh, not if I have to start all over with the same programming, nope, uh uh. My life has been a lot like Windows ME, lol.

20. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

Indeed they do.    


Gracey

[2nd Timothy]

15. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
 
Uhhhh, not if I have to start all over with the same programming, nope, uh uh. My life has been a lot like Windows ME, lol.

According to scripture, God supports Windows XP...why?  Because of the Restore feature    (sorry couldn't resis)


Funny stuff Willow!

Grace and Peace!

[Evangelist]

According to scripture, God supports Windows XP...why?  Because of the Restore feature

Yeah, but He sure doesn't like the Outlook. (fatal exception error at address 02s8in77n2er8)

[Willowbirch]

According to scripture, God supports Windows XP...why?  Because of the Restore feature    (sorry couldn't resis)

[sincereheart]

I just had to......


Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused away.

They did spreadsheets,
They wrote reports.
They sent faxes.
They sent out e-mail.
They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards.
They did every known job.

But just a few minutes before the two hours were up lightening flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And of course the electricity went off.

Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved, all to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit the rains stopped and the electricity came back on.

Satan screamed, "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?"

Jesus just sat and smiled. Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen glowed and when he pushed "print," it was all there.

"How did he do it?" Satan asked.

God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."

 

[JudgeNot]

Sister Shylynne asks "facetiously"  

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Shylynne - the ACLU is working hard to rid our prisons of bibles - prisons are, afterall, 'government' facilities and we certainly can't have Bibles in government...  And what if an inmate is offended by the True Word of God?  We certainly can't have an offender being offended - they could sue the state!  (And, with the ACLU's help, WIN!!!!)

The end is indeed near!

Knowing the end is near - I don't know whether to laugh out loud or cry!  I guess I'll do both: Cry for the unsaved and laugh out loud at Satan!  

[Willowbirch]

I just had to......

God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."

 

I was gonna post that...then I thought it might sound mildly blasphemous, so I left it to you...  

[2nd Timothy]

According to scripture, God supports Windows XP...why?  Because of the Restore feature

Yeah, but He sure doesn't like the Outlook. (fatal exception error at address 02s8in77n2er8)

ROFL...I gotta remember that one!

Grace and Peace!

[2nd Timothy]

I just had to......

God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."

 

I was gonna post that...then I thought it might sound mildly blasphemous, so I left it to you...  

LOL  

JN, AKA-X, I fear you are becoming too predictable around here to some  You fell right into Willo's trap!

Grace and Peace!