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April 22, 2024, 09:04:48 AM

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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
286802 Posts in 27568 Topics by 3790 Members
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Author Topic: BULL  (Read 79720 times)
Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #30 on: April 19, 2003, 09:22:36 PM »

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I
want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
instead of the bridge, I wish that I could understand my wife! I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"  Grin

 more BULL  Roll Eyes

OK  Grin
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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #31 on: April 19, 2003, 09:25:34 PM »

There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes SL convertible. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 80 mph, and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But then he looked in his rearview mirror, and there was a State Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem " thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him.

The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked back at the Trooper and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a State
Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The State Trooper said, "Have a nice day.  Grin Grin
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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2003, 09:37:33 PM »

A Christian Puppy

A Baptist couple decide that they want to get a dog. As they are walking down the street in town, they notice that a sign in the pet shop is advertising "Christian Puppies." Their interest piqued, they go inside.

"How do you know they're Christian puppies?"

"Watch," says the owner, as he takes one of the dogs and says, "Fetch the Bible." The dog runs over to the desk, and grabs the Bible in its mouth and returns. Putting the Bible on the floor, the owner says, "Find Psalm 23." The dog flips pages with its paw until he reaches the right page, and then stops. Amazed and delighted, the couple purchase the dog and head home.

That evening, they invite some friends over and show them the dog, having him run through his Psalm 23 routine. Impressed, one of the visitors asks "Does he also know 'regular' commands?"

"Gee, we don't know. We didn't ask," replies the husband.

Turning to the dog, he says, "Sit." The dog sits. He says, "Lie down." The dog lies down. He says "Roll over." The dog rolls over.

He says "Heel." The dog runs over to him, jumps up on the sofa, puts both paws on the owner's forehead and bows his head.

"Oh look!" the wife exclaims. "He's PENTECOSTAL!"  Grin Grin
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IrishAngel
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« Reply #33 on: April 20, 2003, 07:12:40 AM »

LOL!

methinks if God can use a donkey, He can surely use a lil ole dog to get ye unbelievin  lot to HEEL   Cheesy
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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #34 on: April 20, 2003, 08:25:33 AM »

OUT TO DINNER MATHMATICS



This is pretty neat how it works out.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST

It takes less than a minute.......

Work this out as you read.

Don't cheat and read the bottom until you've worked through it!

This is fun!



1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have dinner out. (try for more than once but less than 10)


2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)



3. Add 5. (for Sunday)



4. Multiply it by 50 - I'll wait while you get the calculator................



5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1753.... If you haven't, add 1752..........



6.. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.



You should have a three digit number ..




The first digit of this was your original number

(I.e., how many times you want to have eat out each week.)



The next two numbers are...





YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it IS!!!!!)  


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2003) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS. IMPRESSIVE, ISN'T IT?  Grin
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« Reply #35 on: April 20, 2003, 08:30:39 AM »

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest Stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

Can I come over to your place after while?

Ok, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite and End the conversation.

I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"LISTEN, I'll have to call you back.
There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions!"


 Grin Grin Grin
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TigerLily
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« Reply #36 on: April 20, 2003, 06:26:54 PM »

 Grin Grin Grin
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Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #37 on: April 21, 2003, 02:56:09 PM »

Grin Grin Grin

DITTO  Grin Grin Grin
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« Reply #38 on: April 21, 2003, 02:59:32 PM »

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede on their position. As they passed a
barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws." Grin Grin Grin


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TigerLily
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« Reply #39 on: April 21, 2003, 03:12:40 PM »



Grin Grin Grin
« Last Edit: April 21, 2003, 03:19:30 PM by tigerlily » Logged

Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #40 on: April 22, 2003, 04:21:09 PM »



Grin Grin Grin

 Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
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« Reply #41 on: April 22, 2003, 04:23:21 PM »

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses."

"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."  Grin Grin
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IrishAngel
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« Reply #42 on: April 22, 2003, 07:09:22 PM »

soon be a whole barnyard fulla BULLS in here  Roll Eyes
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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #43 on: April 23, 2003, 02:37:31 AM »

soon be a whole barnyard fulla BULLS in here  Roll Eyes

 Grin Grin Grin
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« Reply #44 on: April 23, 2003, 12:44:07 PM »

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when
his attractive blond
female neighbor came out of the house and went
straight to the mailbox..
She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back
in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box
and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came out again, marched
to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions
the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"


My stupid computer keeps saying,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."  Grin Grin Grin
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