WHY, WHY, WHY!

[Shammu]

# 1...Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

# 2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

# 3...Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

# 4...Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

# 5...Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

# 6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

# 7...Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?  

# 8...Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

# 9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

#10..If people evolved from apes,    why are there still apes?

#11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

#12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

#14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

#15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

#16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

#17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

#18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?  

#19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?  

#21..If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

#22..And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!  

#23...And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

[Jemidon2004]

Very true...I do press harder on the remote...then i just throw it across the room when it goes dead....that's what happens in a dorm room. I can't necessarily throw my laptop around, but I can throw something imperishable . So if you visit my dorm room, watcho ut for flying things.

[Shammu]

Very true...I do press harder on the remote...then i just throw it across the room when it goes dead....that's what happens in a dorm room. I can't necessarily throw my laptop around, but I can throw something imperishable . So if you visit my dorm room, watcho ut for flying things.

*DUCKING!*

[Jemidon2004]

smart move...people stop when i throw something...cause normally it's my knife at the wall, and no i'm not a violent person....heee hee.

[Jemidon2004]

Oh yea, about the ankle one...best way to let someone know that it hurt...tell them you didn't need that ankle and that they make prosthetic ones for those of us who get hit with renegade carts.

That'll put them in their place

Trust me, i've done it before...

[Soldier4Christ]

Oh yea, about the ankle one...best way to let someone know that it hurt...tell them you didn't need that ankle and that they make prosthetic ones for those of us who get hit with renegade carts.

That'll put them in their place

Trust me, i've done it before...

Another thing that works is to fall on the floor grabbing your ankle and roll back and forth yelling "OW that hurt!"

[Jemidon2004]

That hurts too much...i never fall over right and I don't feel like having bruises where i fell, cause knowing my luck i'd be in an aisle and things would fall on me...LOL.

[Shammu]

That hurts too much...i never fall over right and I don't feel like having bruises where i fell, cause knowing my luck i'd be in an aisle and things would fall on me...LOL.

[size=12]*CRASH!*   [/size]

[Soldier4Christ]

That hurts too much...i never fall over right and I don't feel like having bruises where i fell, cause knowing my luck i'd be in an aisle and things would fall on me...LOL.

I don't any more. I use one of those motorised carts now and just bump back. Bumper carts are fun!

[Jemidon2004]

Shoot yea man. I love riding the bumper cars. We make our own bumper go-carts around here. It'll jar ya up, but it's quite a rush.

[Kris777]

Speaking of bumper carts, bruises, and pain.  Have you ever gotten run over by an amigo cart.  I work at a store and man that hurts.  What I don't understand is how when they are looking straight forward they still manage to hit something that is right in front of them.  Man, if I knew that that was coming I would have ran out of the way fast.  Can you imagine how they drive a car?

[nChrist]

Teacher, I studied for the wrong test!      

WHY?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

[airIam2worship]

DW Why do they have brail on the drive thru ATM's. I've been trying to figure that out for sometime now and now you come up with all those that we always knew about but.............
  were afraid to ask........

[Soldier4Christ]

DW Why do they have brail on the drive thru ATM's. I've been trying to figure that out for sometime now and now you come up with all those that we always knew about but.............
  were afraid to ask........

I don't have a funny quip on this one but I have an answer. My daughter-in-laws mother is blind. She is also has a difficult time walking. My daughter-in-law will take her to the ATM so she doesn't have to walk, doing her banking out the car window or doing it by computer from home.