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October 20, 2017, 07:23:39 PM

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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
277684 Posts in 26446 Topics by 3790 Members
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Author Topic: NO BULL  (Read 5020 times)
Ambassador4Christ
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Are You GOING TO HEAVEN?


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« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2003, 03:05:41 PM »

A young private sought permission from his Commanding
Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see,"
he explained, "my wife's expecting."

"Oh," said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell
your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier was back again with
the same explanation, "My wife's expecting."

The Officer looked surprised.
"Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must
be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend
off."

When the same soldier appeared again the third week,
however, the Officer lost his temper.
"Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

"Yes, sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

"What in heaven is she expecting?" yelled the Officer.

"Me." said the soldier simply.


LOL  Grin Grin Grin
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Galatians 4:16   Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
Symphony
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« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2003, 08:47:27 PM »



Do you know why the Lone Ranger always has to eat in the kitchen?



He's the *Lone* Ranger!

   
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Symphony
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« Reply #17 on: November 08, 2003, 03:56:10 PM »


Irish's original one here is still perfect:

A preacher said to the farmer,
"Do you belong to the Christian family ?"
"No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me
know. My wife will probably want to go both days !"

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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2003, 07:45:20 PM »



Do you know why the Lone Ranger always has to eat in the kitchen?



He's the *Lone* Ranger!

   
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 Huh

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Galatians 4:16   Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2003, 05:07:58 PM »

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Grin
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Galatians 4:16   Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
Shylynne
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« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2004, 05:28:08 PM »

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

  Grin
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“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.”   — Joni Eareckson Tada

There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God -  Shylynne
Shylynne
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« Reply #21 on: June 30, 2004, 08:39:50 AM »

 After trying to start a conversation several
times and getting only distracted grunts Doug  asks Bill what
the problem is.

"Well," said Bill, "I ran afoul of one of those questions
women ask. Now Im in big trouble!"

"What kind of question?, asked Doug.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was
old, fat and ugly."

"Thats easy," said Doug. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah", said Bill, "Thats what I did, except I said
'Of course I DO....'"



Lips Sealed
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“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.”   — Joni Eareckson Tada

There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God -  Shylynne
Shylynne
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« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2004, 09:25:03 PM »

What is an Oxymoron?

Definition: A rhetorical speech construct in which incongruous or contradictory terms or ideas are combined.

EXAMPLE: "Oxymoron" - Removing the Ten Commandments from the courthouse while making people in court swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God... while your hand is on the Bible.

  Roll Eyes
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“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.”   — Joni Eareckson Tada

There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God -  Shylynne
Shylynne
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« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2004, 09:30:47 PM »

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

   Undecided
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“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.”   — Joni Eareckson Tada

There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God -  Shylynne
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