At the end of my rope

[skatergirl]

I don't know if this is the right board for this or not...

But I'm at the end of my rope. I need some prayers and advice. I'm a 13 year old girl (just so everyone knows).
About this time last year I came back to God after being, severly depressed and on the verge of killing myself. (This was after a 900 mile move from San Antonio, Texas) The very day I came back to God I found I no longer had feelings for my "boyfriend" (I guess you could call him that). Later that night I woke up hearing voices, telling me tha God hated me, that all my friends would desert me and that I was gay.
Since then I've been struggling with same-sex attractions.
I was in a panic. I talked to my mom about it a few days later, she said all the usuall parent stuff: "We'll love you no matter what. God loves you. You don't have to decide what you want to do right now".
And I was ready to accpet my new "identity". But something kept me from it. And I started looking for other answers. I read about people who had come out of the gay lifestyle and were now married. That seemed like a capital idea. So I prayed for God to make me striaght or get me out of this for about 5 months before anythig major happened. I started getting very close to God and decided to get baptized. I hardly had any (if at all) attraction during those two months. I was so happy.
But in the last month or so, I don't feel any conviction to change. All I hear are people saying I'm fine the way I am. And I don't want this at all. I'm going to high school this fall, and I need to have this sortted out by then.
I know God's word says homosexuality is wrong. It says the same thing about it as fornication and adlutery. "Flea sexual immorallity".
But I don't know how long I can go on anymore. I'm started to get depressed again. I can't find any hope of changing, anymore. And I want to so bad.
Can you all pray for me or give me any advice?









 

[Soldier4Christ]

You write very well for a 13 year old. Most 13 yr olds I know don't have the sentence structure or vocabulary that you have.

As to your problem turn it over to God. Immerse yourself in prayer and reading the Bible. He will guide you and help you through this problem. I will pray for you also.



Psa 69:16  Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.
Psa 69:17  And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily.


Pro 4:14  Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.
Pro 4:15  Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.

[SelahJoy]

I don't know if this is the right board for this or not...

But I'm at the end of my rope. I need some prayers and advice. I'm a 13 year old girl (just so everyone knows).
About this time last year I came back to God after being, severly depressed and on the verge of killing myself. (This was after a 900 mile move from San Antonio, Texas) The very day I came back to God I found I no longer had feelings for my "boyfriend" (I guess you could call him that). Later that night I woke up hearing voices, telling me tha God hated me, that all my friends would desert me and that I was gay.
Since then I've been struggling with same-sex attractions.
I was in a panic. I talked to my mom about it a few days later, she said all the usuall parent stuff: "We'll love you no matter what. God loves you. You don't have to decide what you want to do right now".
And I was ready to accpet my new "identity". But something kept me from it. And I started looking for other answers. I read about people who had come out of the gay lifestyle and were now married. That seemed like a capital idea. So I prayed for God to make me striaght or get me out of this for about 5 months before anythig major happened. I started getting very close to God and decided to get baptized. I hardly had any (if at all) attraction during those two months. I was so happy.
But in the last month or so, I don't feel any conviction to change. All I hear are people saying I'm fine the way I am. And I don't want this at all. I'm going to high school this fall, and I need to have this sortted out by then.
I know God's word says homosexuality is wrong. It says the same thing about it as fornication and adlutery. "Flea sexual immorallity".
But I don't know how long I can go on anymore. I'm started to get depressed again. I can't find any hope of changing, anymore. And I want to so bad.
Can you all pray for me or give me any advice?









 

skatergirl,

I just happen to be off work today so I'm not usually on this website at this time.  I want to write you to say a couple of things.  First, I'm a mom.  My youngest is a 20 yr old skater, and he is a Christian now.  I'm telling you so you will know that I have talked to my kids along the years about stuff that is important to you.

Second, I would like to add to the advice you have heard.  Please don't stop asking for help.  After you read the ideas below, can you talk about them with your mom?  If you want more ideas to discuss with her, let me know.  I'm sure there are many more.

Focus on the Family is a ministry that listens and cares very much for all of us.  I think their phone number is 1-800-4FAMILY. I think that would translate to be 1-800-432-6459.  If you try it and it is wrong, let me know and I'll look it up online for you.  Focus on the Family has caring people at the phones to even pray with us on the phones if we ask them for it.  I remember calling once (more than once) when my skater son was on drugs and they prayed for us.  They also gave me (free!) helpful books, tapes, and advice to help!  My son is now a strong Christian!  I'm thankful to God, but also to others who prayed and helped in other ways too.  Do you think your mom would approve of you calling Focus on the Family?

Another thing that might really help is if you get an adult from within your Bible believing church to mentor you.  Mentors do what Jesus did with His disciples while He was on the earth.  They teach from the Bible, and they show by example how Christians are supposed to treat each other.  Mentors are very important.  Can you ask your mom who she would recommend?

I think PR was the other person who responded to your post.  Who ever it was mentioned you keep praying and keep reading the Bible.  Those are super important to do!  I will join in your prayers that you will be strong in the love and power of Jesus!

I Tim 1:7  God has not given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind!

I Tim 1:13  Hold on tight to the sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Jesus!

Prayerfully,
selahjoy*

[cris]

SelahJoy,

What a blessing you are to CU!  May He bless you many times over!

Grace and peace,
cris

[skatergirl]

It's just I'm totally numb to all the scriptures. And I feel this overwhemling force pushing me to go ahead and accept it. Every time I call on God all I feel is this presence. It's like I can't get to God or God is telling me that it's okay, which contradicts his word completly.

I can think about how God created it in the beginning, I can read on Sodom and Gomoarah (spelling?), I can the verse in Leviticus, I can read the first chapter of Romans, and everything about sexuality immorality in the New Testement. And nothing happens all I get is this feeling pushing me to accept it.
I know God is the same today, yesterday and forever. But I can't get this conviction to do wrong to leave. No matter what I do; I'm beginning to wonder if it's God. It feels like God, but it totally contradicts his word. I don't know what to do...
I've talked to my mom about it 3 times already, and my youth pastor. And I'm okay after talking to them. But about an hour or so after I talk this comes back...

[Soldier4Christ]

It is not God if it is not of God. What this means is that if it contradicts God then it isn't God because God cannot go against himself.

Again I say please take it to God in prayer each time these feelings start to overwhelm you. Give this problem completely over to God. It is the only way to resist the Devil.

[skatergirl]

It is not God if it is not of God. What this means is that if it contradicts God then it isn't God because God cannot go against himself.

Again I say please take it to God in prayer each time these feelings start to overwhelm you. Give this problem completely over to God. It is the only way to resist the Devil.

I have countless times during worship, prayer, bible study...whatever. It keeps pushing and I've just about given up. I could keep fighting if God could give me some conviction that it was wrong again. I don't have that anymore.

[Soldier4Christ]

God has shown you through the Bible that it is wrong. Now it is up to you to do what is right or what is wrong, to follow after Him or to follow after the lusts of the flesh. This desire is no different than any other sin. If we don't turn our back to it and walk away from it then it will take hold of us. You have to decide whether you want to follow Jesus or follow after sin.

[skatergirl]

God has shown you through the Bible that it is wrong. Now it is up to you to do what is right or what is wrong, to follow after Him or to follow after the lusts of the flesh. This desire is no different than any other sin. If we don't turn our back to it and walk away from it then it will take hold of us. You have to decide whether you want to follow Jesus or follow after sin.

I want to follow Jesus... I dunno. Maybe God's just upping the anty a little to test my faith. I just wish I could stand on the word with assurance. I'll try to keep going. I just need God to step in soon, my spirit is weary.

[Soldier4Christ]

It is the Devil that is tempting you. We all get tempted in similar fashion with one sin or another. Jesus will be our strength if we but let him. Prayer to Jesus will bring us closer to Him and will strengthen us through Him.

My prayers for you will continue.

[Kris777]

The Devil tempted me to say something against God.  I was tormented with this for months.  Finally one night when he said in my mind that I would be left alone if I gave in and just did it I said out loud "Ok!!!, you want me to say something about God!!! How about this. He is my Savior, Friend, Redeemer and God!!!  I will never give in!!!!"

After that I haven't been tormented as much and all have seemed to gone away.  I just wanted to tell you that to show you that you can fight the Devil.  Just read the bible verses out loud.  Claim what you are reading to be truth!!!!  I was to the point that I figured that I was hopeless and almost gave up on God.  But then I remembered all the times that I disapointed Him and He never gave up on me.  We all go through things for a reason.  Maybe this will help someone.  But what better way to glorify God then to use Him to fight off the Devil? And give God praise in the process.

[revvv]

Just a note from someone who cares about what you are going through. To someone who has never experienced the other side of life, quoting scripture is the easiest advice. However, the truth is, that you are going through a real struggle and you need to know that others have gone through the same things. The best answer that I can offer is this: I once lived that life and there is absolutely NO satisfaction in it. It leads to much misery, pain, and anguish. It sinply comes down to what you want most in life. Will it be our Father with all the peace and goodness that He offers or will it be the world with all the misery that it offers?

[Gaurav]

Hey
I'm not great at giving advice but whatyou have written indicates to me that you are struggling. I have never had this sort of feeling towards the same sex but I have wanted to give into my flesh. It's not easy trying to go God's way but it's the best way. Trust me! God will bless you so many times if you go His way but going the wrong way will only result in negative consequences. God hasn't made our life on earth easy.We are continuously tested and we alone have to make decisions. I hope that you will consult God in your decison making. Don't let the enemy win, because, if you choose the wrong path, you will get no true satisfaction in life.

[ZakDar]

Hi skatergirl,

That presence you sense is a devil, demon, fallen angel, unclean spirit or whatever name you know it by. It is one of satan's minions and answers to him. Its purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.

And just to clarify, no you are not possessed. But you are being oppressed by this demon. Oppression is what a Christian experiences when the devil puts pressure on you to sin.

But do not fear. For Jesus has given you His authority over ALL demons, and you can command this thing to leave. Let me give you scriptural background because to do this you will need some faith, and faith comes by hearing the Word of God.

First, the delegation of authority from Jesus to us:

Mat 28:18  And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power (authority) is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
Mat 28:19  Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
Mat 28:20  Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Here Jesus states that he has been given ALL authority. He then delegates His authority to us. That's what he means by "Therefore you go..."

Another example of Jesus delegating His authority is Mat. 10:1

Mat 10:1  And when he had called unto him his twelve disciples, he gave them power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease.

Mar 6:7  And he called unto him the twelve, and began to send them forth by two and two; and gave them power over unclean spirits;

And just so you know this authority wasn't given just to the Apostles:

Luk 10:17  And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.
Luk 10:18  And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.
Luk 10:19  Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Note that seventy, (not just the twelve), received this authority over ALL the power of the enemy (satan).

And one last Word:

Mar 16:17  And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

So, I think it is established that believers are given the authority from Jesus to cast the devil out. But note this last verse because it tells you HOW to do it. IN MY NAME. That is, in the name of Jesus, do you cast the devil out.

Here is how the Apostle Paul cast out a devil:

Act 16:18  And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour.

Now once you command the unclean spirit to leave you, stand your ground. If those thoughts or voices try to return, you tell it that you've commanded to get out in the name of Jesus, and it must obey. Another thing you might want to do is this, read out loud the 8th chapter of the book of Romans. Devils just can't stand to hear the Word of God, and they won't last but a few moments in the presence of this particular chapter being read.

God bless you little sister, and I will pray for your victory in Jesus!!