Can somebody help me get a girlfriend

[Sapphire W34P0N]

I believe that as far as you are able, be led by God to the right person.

So does that mean you get engaged to the girl that you think God has led you to the moment you meet her?

[bemanisuperstar]

Sigh.

over at another forum I exploded at everybody.

It is easy to say trust in him. If you are a patent person.
I need a girl in my life very soon or I'll feel like I've accomplished nothing.

SO far not 1 person has given productive advice outside of Trust in him whish might as well just be saying I don't know.

If I wasn't a Chrstian I wouldn't be here ask for advice in the first place.

I'm all burnt out.

Sigh. how about a church data base so I can find a Singles fellowship around here? Would that be too much to ask for?

[Sapphire W34P0N]

I need a girl in my life very soon or I'll feel like I've accomplished nothing.

In all seriousness, why would a girl make you feel like your life was/is full of accomplishment, where a lack of one won't?

I guess I understand the thinking, but at the same time it's not making complete sense to me. I'm not passing judgement here, understand, but is all this a result of poor self image or low self-esteem? Do you need someone to confirm your accomplishments before you believe them to be so? That seems to be the message you're sending here, and I'm sorry if you think I'm wrong.

If so, it's a false way of thinking. What if the relationship doesn't work out? Then you'll be at a worse place than you started, and your ego will be even more damaged. I hate to jump on the bandwagon, as it were, but I think it looks like you're trying to take this into your own hands rather than to let God do what's best for you. If a girl for you isn't in His plan (and I know you're absolutely sick of hearing this), than you'll have to deal with it. You may be angry and sad and depressed, but it's really not something worth getting completely broken up over. The way I see it, you're trying to make something with things that simply aren't there yet.

[Bern]

Saphire: When I said I dont really agree with dating.. I didn't mean  you shouldnt go out with, or spend a lot of time with a  girl before being engaged! lol What I mean is that I'm against the attitude that you should just have a girlfriend for the sake of it, and view it as a "try before you buy" kind of affair. This is not God's way. Too many people, especially young people these days enter into relationships with no thought or prayer about how suitable a potential partner may be, spiritually or otherwise. If they fancy them, then they go for it.

bemanisuperstar: I totally uinderstand your frustration, I'm a single guy too and feel all the same feelings that all other guys feel. Its natural to want the love of a woman. I've got over feeling the way you do though, but I did feel like that for a long time. It is frustrating and you do feel a failure. "Why is everyone else paired up and I'm not?! What have I done to deserve this God? Its not fair!"

Well, when you look at "everyone else", you make a sweeping generalisation. It SEEMS like everyone else has a girlfriend, but really it is  some people, not all. Part of the desire for a woman is related to wanting to be valued and loved. The closer you are to God the more you will feel that from Him.

God in His rich love for you, has your best interests at heart, and while at the time it can prove frustrating, ultimately will lead you into better things and God's perfect will for your life.

I know that in my case, I wanted a girlfriend so much that it became an idol in my life. It got to the stage where I was usuing God as a cosmic Santa Claus, trying to get Him to grant my wish in any way I could. This my friend is simply wrong, and God will get that out of you one way or another.

Take heart, brother,
Matthew 6:33  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

[bemanisuperstar]

I am sick of hearing if it isn't God's plain,trust him.

Seems like you're just glossing over a No I don't know what to say answer. No offence. I just don't ever want to hear that again.

[Sapphire W34P0N]

Seems like you're just glossing over a No I don't know what to say answer. No offence. I just don't ever want to hear that again.

Well, guess what? Truth hurts sometimes. Suck it up and move on with your life. We're not going to tell you what you want to hear if we ourselves don't agree with or believe it. Maybe you should consider how many times you've heard about God's plan as opposed to what you actually want to hear, and think about how truthful it might be.

If you want a girlfriend, by your own argument, it's up to you to go out and find one. I realize that's what you're doing on this site, but you really should have expected this kind of response, given the environment here. Don't get mad at us and complain about how tired you are of hearing about God's plan for you when you decide to post on a Christian messageboard.

I understand you're frustrated, but at this point I think you're past needing or even wanting understanding.

[Bern]

I'm not saying this applies to you bemanisuperstar, but this is just an insight into this topic...

I used to often pine away for a girlfriend, then it occurred to me... was I ready for one? What sort of person did I want as a partner.. and was I the sort of person they would want to be with? I always wanted a spiritually mature partner, but it dawned on me that what #I wanted was at a level above where I was, and since the man is supposed to be the head in a  relationship, I would need to develop into a more mature godly man before I was truly ready to recieve what I was praying for.

[Shylynne]

That was a very good Bern!  




"Somewhere in The Meantime, God changed my theme verse from “How long, oh Lord?” to “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19). And I literally went to the desert of West Texas to find that “new thing.” I attended graduate school to study what I loved, mentored kids, traveled overseas, and overall, developed a fresh vision of God’s plan for my life."

http://www.boundless.org/2002_2003/departments/finding_your_place/a0000680.html

[The_8th_Person]

bemanisuperstar just convert some girl that you like and she is free game and your problems are over. ROFL, but seriously I realy can't help you that much just wish you luck.

[Getting_Real]

I'm not saying this applies to you bemanisuperstar, but this is just an insight into this topic...

I used to often pine away for a girlfriend, then it occurred to me... was I ready for one? What sort of person did I want as a partner.. and was I the sort of person they would want to be with? I always wanted a spiritually mature partner, but it dawned on me that what #I wanted was at a level above where I was, and since the man is supposed to be the head in a  relationship, I would need to develop into a more mature godly man before I was truly ready to recieve what I was praying for.

Wise words here - this is me to a T.

I'm still single - but I'm much more happy for God to bring the right woman along for me when he is ready now - because I know that I am much more ready than I was in the past.

We should not love the gift more than the giver.

[Bern]

Bemanisuperstar: Here's something that may help you with your issue of feeling like you have accomplished nothing, I have felt the same way before. It may not be "practical help" but I believe it to be true and more applicable for you than any quick fix solution we could give you.

You will never accomplish God's will in your life, and indeed nothing in your life will be successful unless you make Jesus the center of your life. For too long in my life I said all the right things, appeared the right way and tried to line up my thinking with God's Word. The trouble was that I wasn't walking with Jesus daily and didn't really know Him, despite my claims.

The deepest satisfaction and joy in life comes from being in Christ's prescence daily. I mean every day is a fresh day with Him. We can't rely on yesterdays relationship, or yesterdays manna if you like.

John 6:35  And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

Do we believe this, or do we think that it only applies to some people who are "spiritual and have time to seek God all day.. people who are retired"?

Well the truth is until we truly understand this and make communion with Christ our priority every day, we won't come into the fullness of joy and satisfaction God intends for all His children. That means walking in the Spirit.

"Yeah but HOW do I walk in the Spirit? I keep getting told this, but nobody tells me HOW!!"

I agonised over this for too long. The answer simple, yet one of the most difficult concepts for sinful man to come to terms with. The answer is simply to spend time with Jesus every day and pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you. When you are tempted (especially by lustfull thoughts in the case of single folks) don't see the Holy Spirit as a boost to your will power.... see Him as your only power. Ask Him to give you the strength to resist the temptation, and admit and KNOW that you are not able to resist.. if we trust on our own willpower we will eventually slip up, (usually more often than we think).

Well why have I deviated from the topic so much?

I truly believe that spending time with Jesus and learning to hear the Holy Spirit's voice are the solution to much discomfort that Christians experience. Trying to do what is right will get you nowhere, because it is mans will power trying to earn God's favour by works... no matter how much we try to line up with the bible and obey God's "rules for living".. it is futile to attempt it in the flesh.


2 Corinthians 3:6  Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

 Why did I mention temptation earlier? Because falling into sin is the main way in which we break our communion with Christ, by grieving the Holy Spirit. The more we learn to trust Him and know His prescence with us at all times the less we will grieve Him. Our worldy desires and passions become less of a restraint on us as we grow more like Christ. Ask God to make you more accutely aware of your sin, and to make you see it as He sees it.. and its effects on your relationship with Him. Daily repentance is essential.

The reason that you are so fixed upon getting a girlfriend may be because Christ is not first in your heart. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not judging you, or assessing your Christian walk... I know this only too well, I wasted years of my life i that very position, so I understand exactly how you feel. It won't change until you fully realise in your heart that Christ must be our only focus... AND put this into practice in a practical way every single day by taking time out to come before Him.. not just pouring out your prayers to Him like a wishlist, but focusing on Him... making Him the reason you come to spend time with Him, not to unload your troubles.

Forgive me if this sounds critical, harsh or judgemental. I don't presume to know your heart, but I do know what does and does not work.. what God requires of us all.. and if I have spoken out of turn then forgive me for that aswell. I truly hope that all of us reading this thread will know Him more personally each day and that we will recognise His voice more and more easily.

Bern