What is forgiveness?

[Reba]

What is forgiveness?

How does one forgive?

   what are the steps

   what are the words

   etc

What are the differences  YOU see if any in forgiveness.

 (ie) some one stole your $$ **  children lieing *** cheating spouse

[FaithfulFollower]

Reba,

You bring up an interesting question for forgiveness is truly one of the harder things for many Christians and Non-Christians alike to do.

First you asked: What Is Forgiveness?

The answer is truly quite simple. Think of the price Christ paid even as those whom he was there to save spat upon him and cursed him. Jesus' only words in reply to such actions were "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Christ is truly the best definition of what forgiveness is, as well as what it is all about. For forgiveness is the openning of one's heart against one that has wrong you and loving them despite the mistake that was made.

Secondly you asked: What Are The Steps?

To be honest, these are what I feel the steps are to forgiving someone.

1. Acknowledging that what was done was wrong.

2. Think "What Would Jesus Do?"

3. Confront the one which has wronged you in a Christian/Civil manner.

4. Should the person which has wronged you listen and appologizes, accept the appology and forgive him/her as you would hope he/she would you if you were to have wronged him/her. Pray for this person, as well as yourself.

However, should the person who wronged you not listen to you and offer anything but apology turn the other cheek, just let the subject go. Be patient as well as understanding, pray for this person as well as yourself.

Thirdly you asked: What Are The Words?

Unfortunately to this question...I would not know how to answer. For I feel that no specific words would have to be used in order to forgive someone other than "I forgive you", or "I accept your apology."

Lastly you asked: What Are The Differences Seen If Any In Forgiveness?

Forgiving any and all of the crimes which you have listed are not easy, though honestly I would feel it would be easier to forgive a man/woman of taking some money from you than it would be to forgive a cheating spouse. Just the same it would be easier for a parent to forgive a child who lied than it would be to a cheating spouse as well. The process of forgiving itself within each of these would also be different. Seeing as money is a material object, it truly is not worth so much value though in this day and age it is what puts food on the table. More or less though, this would not take a person long to forgive should their heart be with the Lord for man does not live upon bread and water alone. When it comes to the lying child, this of course could more or less not be done without some form of punishment being laid upon the child so as to show that such actions are wrong and should not be taken. However when it comes to the cheating spouse...there is more than one way this can be dealt with. Forgiving a unfaithful husband or wife is not something I know much of seeing as I am still rather young in age. In the scripture the only given reason for divorce is on account of such actions. Just the same it is also written that one is to love thy neighbor as thyself. For one cannot hate a Christian brother or sister and truly call themselves a son/daughter of God...can they? These are just some thoughts to ponder, do hope that I was able to answer your questions fairly well seeing as I am rather new in my walk with Christ. God Bless

With Love In Christ,

Danielle

[Kristi Ann]

I see forgiveness as Unconditional Love towards each other. Plus in God and His Only Son; ("John 3:16-17").


PS. I cannot type to well right now, so, if there is some mispellings or errors, I am sorry.  My non-operable hernited disk in my neck affects my whole right side..  

[Gracey]

Forgiveness comes from the heart of Christ. If we are His, then we have the heart he has given us (regardless of what C.R. Stam says).

Forgiveness is as much for our sake, as for the sake of the wrongdoer.

"forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

The line from the Lord's prayer constantly reminds me: I am always asking God for forgiveness for something and He never fails to forgive, He is always faithful and loving; it would be shameless if I couldn't at least forgive someone else....I do not have to give my only child to offer forgiveness. God has done so much more for me.

It means going on as though the incident never happened - a tough thing, but with God all things are possible.

The words aren't that important when prayer and the spirit of Christ enter into the forgiveness.

peace
Gracey

[Brother Love]

Forgiveness comes from the heart of Christ. If we are His, then we have the heart he has given us (regardless of what C.R. Stam says).

Forgiveness is as much for our sake, as for the sake of the wrongdoer.

"forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

The line from the Lord's prayer constantly reminds me: I am always asking God for forgiveness for something and He never fails to forgive, He is always faithful and loving; it would be shameless if I couldn't at least forgive someone else....I do not have to give my only child to offer forgiveness. God has done so much more for me.

It means going on as though the incident never happened - a tough thing, but with God all things are possible.

The words aren't that important when prayer and the spirit of Christ enter into the forgiveness.

peace
Gracey

(regardless of what C.R. Stam says).

Please Gracey, tell us what C.R. Stam says about forgiveness, I didnt see anything in this thread by C.R. Stam


"GRACE & PEACE"

<))><

[Gracey]

Sorry BL, it wasn't about forgiveness perse, but that he does say that we are not "baptized in the spirit" (unless I misunderstood one of the posts, in which case, forgive me) today...makes it kinda hard to be given the heart of Christ, or at least to behave as if we have the heard of Christ.

http://forums.christiansunite.com/index.php?board=3;action=display;threadid=4705

I should have made the statement a little clearer.... and this thread really is about forgiveness, not about stam, so I should never have brought it up.


Gracey

[sincereheart]

FWIW:

Forgiveness Myths
If you've ever been on the receiving end of abuse or malice, you know that forgiveness is not simply saying "I forgive X for what they did to me," and pretending it never happened. Sadly, this is the view of forgiveness many people have, and propagate.

Merriam-Webster Collegiate® Dictionary definition:
forgive (verb.)
to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult)
to grant relief from payment of (forgive a debt)
to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)
 
My top myths about forgiveness are:

Forgiveness is always easy
Forgiveness requires rebuilding the relationship
Forgiveness means forgetting what happened
Forgiveness requires release from consequences
If they don't repent, I should not forgive

If someone insists that forgiveness is one of those myths, they will leave you with a heavy load of spiritual guilt.

Myth: Forgiveness is always easy
People who have been abused know this myth for what it is. Forgiveness is so much more than saying the words "I forgive." Anyone can say the words and sound sincere, it's only words. When you bear the consequences of someone's sin against you, it is hard work. You have to refuse to give in to resentment and bitterness, and commit to leave the revenge in God's hands, not your own.

If I borrowed a pencil from you and lost it, you would probably find it easy to forgive me. What I did has not caused you lasting physical, emotional or mental harm. You won't even remember the lost pencil a week from now. But if I'd lost control of my car and hit you, and you wound up paralysed from the waist down, forgiving me would be a lot harder. I have done something that affects your whole life, something that cannot be reversed.

Forgiveness is always difficult and often illogical, but it's the only remedy God offers to heal our hearts.
~When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Robert Jeffress
 
Anyone can say the words "I forgive." It is harder to really forgive someone from the heart, to genuinely place your desire for vengeance in Gods' hands, to let go of the anger and the resentment against the offender.

Myth: Forgiveness requires rebuilding the relationship
Forgiveness is a long way in the dictionary, and in life, from reconciliation.

Merriam-Webster Collegiate® Dictionary definition:
reconcile (verb.)
to restore to friendship or harmony
to make consistent or congruous
to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant
to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy
 
How do you restore friendship or harmony with someone who refuses to accept they wronged you? In a relationship where one person won't accept they wronged the other, you cannot have harmony because of this basic disagreement. Friends don't have to agree on everything, but behaviour matters. If you know your friend thinks they did nothing wrong in spreading something you told them in confidence, they will do it again. And you won't want to risk telling them your secrets again.

Forgiveness depends upon me; reconciliation depends upon us.
~When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Robert Jeffress
 
If one part of the us won't acknowledge they hurt the other, you cannot have a relationship. You can forgive, but you don't have to be friends with them again. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two separate things. One does not imply or require the other.

While God requires me to unconditionally forgive the business partner who cheats me, He does not require I stay in business with him. I can forgive someone without being reunited with that person. But ... if we want to build a broken relationship (with other people or with God), repentance is necessary.
~When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Robert Jeffress
 
Myth: Forgiveness means forgetting what happened
The human mind is an amazing piece of engineering, but it does not have the ability to forget at will. It's like trying not to think about elephants, the first thing that pops into your mind is a big grey mammal with tusks and a trunk.

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
Psalm 32:1-2
 
Revelations 20:12 mentions books containing all our deeds, as does Paul:

For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due to him for the things done in the body, whether good or bad.
1 Corinthians 5:10

 I believe God does not forget our sins, but instead, sees them as a debt, marked "Paid in Full." Christ has paid the price for all our sins.

Forgiveness is not denying the reality of our pain. To ask someone to simply forget a wrong is like asking a person who has lost both arms to pass the ketchup. He can't do it!
~When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Robert Jeffress

Myth: Forgiveness requires release from consequences
Suppose I've just stolen $1000 from you. I come to you and say:
"I sincerely repent of my actions, I will never do it again, please forgive me."  

Do I get to keep the $1000 because I apologised? What is my repentance worth if I keep the money? If I don't return what I stole, my supposed repentance is hollow and meaningless, I have no intention to turn from my previous behaviour.

When Zacchaeus repented of stealing from Jews by inflating their taxes, he offered to pay it back.

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount"

Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save what was lost."
Luke 19:8-9

People can be forgiven, and still go to prison for their crime. They face the consequences of breaking the law of the land. The law demands punishment and restitution, it does not forgive. But the victim of the crime may forgive the offender.

Myth: If they don't repent, I should not forgive
If someone stole from you and did not repent, they would not remain your friend. But should you forgive them? You certainly couldn't restore the relationship, but you can forgive.

While repentance and remorse are necessary to receive forgiveness, they are not prerequisites for granting forgiveness.
~When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Robert Jeffress

Repentance is necessary to receive God's forgiveness and restore our relationship with him. It's also necessary for reconciliation with your offender. But repentance is not necessary to grant forgiveness. Whether you tell the offender you have forgiven them is another matter, and I don't have the answer on that one.

Forgiveness cuts the emotional rope tying us to the offender. We release them from the debt they owe, and can move on with our lives.

Letting go of a rattlesnake might help the snake, but it benefits you as well. ~Anonymous

You are not likely to hear the person who jumped in front of you at the grocery store line repent. You can forgive, and move on, though you could move to another line.

Copyright © 2000 Alison Hawke

http://www.gospelcom.net/cdp/articles/forgiveness.htm

[musicllover]

      I agree with Sincereheart, the saying I forgive and the actually doing is much harder. Mothers of drunk drivers, the parent of a child that has been murdered. I lived with years of abuse I didnt realize the contempt I had for my abusers until years later.
   I believe it must start in the flesh first, the desire to want to forgive has to grow a little with each passing day. I've been told there will be a time when God will eventually give you the grace to release your grivances. And I'm working on it.
   For me it most assuradly has to come form a higher power than what I have with in myself, the hurt is great, the anger at my own abusers born anew when my daughter was abused. Is wanting to forgive enough?
   I wonder becuae my worse abuser died several years ago, denying any wrong doing on his part, as a young teen I hated him deeply, as a teen I fought the world to protect myself, once I become a Christian I was taught that we need to forgive.
    I say I have forgiven, feel as though I have forgiven, but everyonce in a while something will occur that raises that fear and anger up inside of me. A smell, a touch that I'm not expecting, is that forgiveness?  
      A while back I seen one of my abusers crossing the road in a busy parking lot one day, my first thought was.....someone run him over.......I was shocked at myself, the thought came so quickly, and anger, and the fear, then I was angry at myself, what kind of Christian thought was that.  The scriptures tell us the measure we forgive with is what God will forgive us with. The bigger the offense the more forgiveness that is going to be required, and the greater measure God will forgive me with.......I know that, I understand that, but my own quick physical reaction to seeing this man shocked me. So I guess my question is this, is the desire to forgive forgiveness, or is there something else involved? God understand that I WANT to forgive, is that enough. Or is forgiveness have to be to the point that I could walk up to this man and give him a hug or something........I shudder to even type that. How do I know when I've forgiven enough? Silly question isn't it, but I really am serious.  
      On the flip side of this, these men continued to deny their abuse am I (and my daughter) still scripturally obligated to forgive?  (if they think they did nothing wrong what am I to forgive?)

Kinda confused hope I didn't loose anyone in my merry go round.........