any parents of the STRONG WILLED and REBELLIOUS child here?

[sincereheart]

I got to hear from my mom..."i just cant love her anymore"
To give a child the impression that love for her is based on how pleasing she is..... How devastating for the child! What the prodigal son expected and did not get!


I was there through all of that.  Not my parents, ME.
Which she will always remember and more so as she gets older!

She has told me over and over again, she wants to be left alone...to have it like she used to have it  which was  doing everything she wanted to do without any thing coming from me.  I have told her that I can not live like that anymore, it was ripping me apart.  I have told her i felt more like the chamber maid in a motel than a parent.
This jumped out at me. So difficult for BOTH of you to know how to adjust to the changes!

I do hear her.
My apologies! I didn't mean to imply that you don't listen - I meant to imply that sometimes just knowing that someone cares enough to listen helps lift the load that she's obviously carrying! And I meant that sometimes we have to 'hear between the lines' of what they're not saying! Which does not mean kowtowing to her tantrums!  

Libby sounds bright (able to zero right in on what hurts you) and so scared (trying to keep those who say they love her at a distance). Self-protective... It's gonna take a lot to chisel through that stone! "When children are the least loveable, that's when they're needing love the most!" ~unknown

Stay in prayer and let her know you love HER even when you hate her behavior!

When she moved back with you, did she have to change schools?

Libby says things that blow me away sometimes.  Intelligent and seems to have it all together.  But then something happens, a word is said and she feels because she does not have the same thoughts that she is of no account.  (low self esteem)  She is totally gorgeous Shylynne.  Beautiful voice, excellent grades.  She gets made fun of a lot on school because ppl are jealous of her.  I try so hard to help in that area, but prayer is what works best as i dont know what to say to her on it half the time.  Her last name rhymes with whore so they use that really well.
Ouch!

Some thoughts:
Would it be possible for the two of you to volunteer somewhere together? Soup kitchen, homeless shelter, abused children's shelter, etc.?

If she likes to sing, maybe singing at a nursing home or senior center?

Maybe she could attend a local community college and take a class or two?

Local literacy programs to help or even reading to kids?

Anything to help her see past her own situation!

Praying for you both!

[grommie]

sincereheart,  

Stay in prayer and let her know you love HER even when you hate her behavior!  Yes your exactly correct here, the behavior that i seem to forget is what bothers me the most.

When she moved back with you, did she have to change schools?  No.  Small town, one school.  =)  Everyone knows me and my parents as they are retired teachers, so everyone knows everyone.

her singing, this will be her 4th year to sing for the district and state music festivals.  State, however, you go to when you receive a ONE rating at the District.  and yes, she sings all over the place.

Our relationship these past few weeks has been wonderful. God knew what He was doing when He created PRAYER! (not meaning He does not know everything.)    

i really dont know how ppl survive without him in their lives.

Thank you sincereheart, God has blessed me through you and i appreciate that very much.

[sincereheart]

Our relationship these past few weeks has been wonderful.
  That's wonderful!

God knew what He was doing when He created PRAYER!
ROFL!   Prayer and weeding my gardens have kept my children alive numerous times!  





Thank you sincereheart, God has blessed me through you and i appreciate that very much.
Awwww! Thanks!   It's nice to NOT be in trouble for a change!    

[Shylynne]

Thanks Shylynne.  Thought some of it made me incredibly mad, lol, I will bare in mind and take to prayer many things you have adviced me on.

God Bless

Your welcome grommie, I only wanted you to see as sincereheart said "that as hard as it's been for you, it's also been hard for her!" , was really no intent to upset you.
A young girl came to me recently, tho a little older than yours, and shes really messed up, mostly because the mothers dealing with  her daughter only involves change HER. This girl is a gem, even if all her mother can see is the 'rough', it makes my heart ache to know that if she would just look into her heart, and see beyond her own agenda for her,  it would change how she deals with her, and go a long way in helping better their relationship and in getting her daughter to listen to her. It`s been my experience that children wont usually listen, if they dont feel they are being heard and understood.  
Aside from that, I think an important thing for parents to remember in dealing with older children, that  whatever we may see, is not who they are...by that I mean...rage is external - it`s not who they are...drugs are external - it`s not who they are...etc...sometimes we get so focused on the symptoms, we are not able to see they are only external evidences, and the real inner problems must be taken care of if we are to help them eliminate the undesirable methods they are using to cope.
Anyways sincerehearts advice is excellent, and I am happy to read things are improving.    Prayer is the answer, God  knows how often I`ve asked for HIS wisdom, and how many times I messed up because I failed to.     Oft times God has even imparted to me wisdom THRU my children, imagine that

Jam 1:5  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all  liberally, and reproaches not; and it shall be given him.

[Shylynne]

Awwww! Thanks!   It's nice to NOT be in trouble for a change!

LOL!  yea she much prefers it when its ME thats in trouble  

[love4god]

I am currently raising a strong willed child and no how difficult it can be   I takes a lot of patience and depending on the relationship with the child and if you guys have similiar personalities you have to try to see things from the child point of veiw and then decide what the best course of action is to take.  My child happens to thrive of my moods if I stay calm and cool he is well behaved pretty much.  Of course he is still stubborn and wants to have his way but when I let him know with out losing it that it is not going to happen and there is not  any way around it then he does as he is told.  My son used to throw massive fits that would require me or my husband to physically restrain him.  One time at church it took three very large men to restrain him because he didn't want to go to sunday school.  But with a lot of consistancy and love and strict discipline he has mellowed quite a bit.  He still relapses everynow and then but that is just part of his personallity.  You say your parents wanted you to be submissive to their authority and to a certain extent that should be expected but to always have keeps the child from expressing his or herself and really is kind of lazzy on the parents part, not that I am calling you lazy because I would never judge you, I don't even know you but I does sound like when she questions or gives you a hard time you get extremely frustrated and really all you have to let her know is that she can talk all day long you are not going to change your mind and also she has to understand that if she keeps talking about something you have settled on that there will be consequences like grounding or taking the car away or the phone or what ever is most precious to her.  I haven't seen where you are giving her any reason to stop.  You are arunning from her and acting as if you are more afraid of her then anything else.

[grommie]

Shylynne, sincereheart, and love4God.


you guys, have really hit the nails on the heads lol.  

Yes, i had been running from her to a certain extent, but i do realize that i am all she has, other than God of course....

Yes it is hard for me to keep things away from her for a certain period of time, due partly because i just believe she has made a significant change.  though the past 2 days she has not been home much and i will have to sit down with her and discuss that thoroughly with her again.

I believe one of my best qualities, in dealing with my daughter is that I REMEMBER being her age and how horrible i had it due to the fact that i was MADE to SUBMIT and yes i have had a hard time telling any one my opinion out of a fear of being wrong.  While i do understand that just because opinions are different does not make one wrong or right, it has been difficult for me to say the least and I PRAY that my child learns more about that this year before she goes off to college that HER OPINION COUNTS for something.

YES I GOT MAD because you hit the nail on the head sincereheart, and i needed to get mad to deal with it.  Please do not feel horrible about that.  One thing God instilled me with is the ability to change no matter what.

And you guys, man, you are all a blessing due in part that You know where i am coming from and i did not have anyone to talk to about this here, where i live, at all.   Yes i love Jesus and He has always been there and will always be there, but wow PEOPLE can really help each other when they are going through things they are familiar with.

Peace to you all!
=)

[sincereheart]

Grommie, You are refreshingly humble and honest! Thank you for reminding me of the need for that!  



LOL!  yea she much prefers it when its ME thats in trouble
But of course! It IS your turn!  

[Shylynne]

YES I GOT MAD because you hit the nail on the head sincereheart

ok now i`m confused bout who you really got mad at  
please let it be sincereheart      

[sincereheart]

ok now i`m confused bout who you really got mad at  
please let it be sincereheart

ROFL! Sorry! Name mix-up! It was YOU!!!!!!

Just in case you're not sure:

Thanks Shylynne.  Thought some of it made me incredibly mad, lol, I will bare in mind and take to prayer many things you have adviced me on.
God Bless  

*chants: It's not me this time. It's not me this time. It's not me this time. It's not me this time.*

[Shylynne]

I believe one of my best qualities, in dealing with my daughter is that I REMEMBER being her age

you got it!  sometimes adults get impatient with young uns because they dont have their 'act' together, and forget it took years for us to get ours together and then some!  
If we can be as patient with our childrens mess ups as God is with ours we might be more effective role models.

Where did I read about the mother who got angry with her child for not keeping her room clean, when her own was a pigsty    

[grommie]

Shylynne AND sincereheart


okay, which one of you is the kettle and which one is the pot because I am obviously the SOUP INSIDE


MUAHAHAHA!!  

[sincereheart]

ROFL!  

[Brother Love]

I have three sons and they are NOTHING like I was, I was a STRONG WILLED and REBELLIOUS son. Only the Lord could have changed me.

Grace & Peace

[Reba]

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