Depression Thread

[Allinall]

Yup, yup!  I had a guy I graduated H.S. with commit suicide.  We weren't really close, but I knew him, and knew he was saved.  Even saw fruit in his life.  At his funeral, the pastor expressed his certainty in John's salvation.  He related the life he'd led with Christ, and asked, if such a good life, then why this end?  He made a great point.  Regardless the decision, he was still in Christ.  His salvation wasn't dependent upon his decision to end his life, but in his decision to believe God, accept Jesus as his Savior and receive the gift of life eternal.  

That helped alot of us, because whether we know it or not, that is a question we all have.  Thank God He loves us inspite of us, and bases His salvific grace upon His gift, not our acts.

[musicllover]

I have also felt the unworthy or lacking in faith because I have depression. I done it to myself before any of my church family knew......"what is wrong with me, why can't I just believe and I'll be healed, my faith is weak or I wouldn't have had a nervous break down, Christians don't have mental illnesses" blah blah blah........once I finally found the courage to share with one of my most trusted Church friends, she!!!!! the one I trusted told me I need prayer to rid of me of the demon of drepression...... . I really didn't need to hear that just then.  I would NEVER refuse prayer for healing, I would love to be relieved of the deep sadness or the eager tears that are so close to falling most of the time.
    There are several forms of derpession, genetics enheritance, chemicla inbalance.....and then there is the emotional depression brought on by stress, physical brought on by illness, enviromental my own home, and spiritual that can be caused by a lack of relationship with Jesus Christ.
      I fall in all of these catagories, some of my depression is I feel so unworthy that this is what I deserve, but that is a lie as well. Its a matter of getting myself in a place where I can believe that all the time not part of the time. Working on the things around me that cause or trigger that sadness, I know all these things, but putting everything into practice is difficult.
         musicllover

[Mxyzptlk]

Musiclover,

I know very well the anguish of spiritual depression.  When I was saved from drug addiction, I was so excited I went practically nonstop for weeks, telling everybody I met all about what had happened to me.  My whole life had changed into one of trying to get to know this God I had neglected for so long.  Eventually I had to come down off the cloud and realize I needed a job, so I went to work, and the first opportunity that came along to go hang out with a couple of coworkers who were into the old lifestyle, along I went, even thinking somehow this was OK with God.  Turns out ol' slewfoot was at work instead, and I went for it hook, line, and sinker.  Next thing I know, he's got me convinced my next destination is eternity with him, and God is through with me for good, I had wasted my one last chance.  I walked around in a daze for several months.  When out and about, I thought every remark someone made was a hint to let me know that they knew all about it, and they were laughing too.  I thought God was going to let Satan just take my life any day, and was constantly looking over my shoulder every day wondering which direction it would come from.  Finally, one day I sat on the couch gazing at the shotgun in the corner and thinking to myself how easy it would be to stop the hell on earth that was my life at that time.  

Fortunately we have a God who cares, because at that moment, my brother drove up and came in and sat down.  We made some small talk for a bit, then when there was a break in the conversation, he started talking, just out of the blue, about Judas.  "Judas could have been forgiven, you know, just the same as Peter for denying, or anybody else for any other sin.  But he went and did away with himself, thinking it was all over, and removed the opportunity to ask."  

And very shortly after that, he got up, walked out and left, leaving me wondering, "What was that all about?"  But I knew, and I just looked up and wondered awhile.  It was then and there I came to know the two voices in the world, and to recognize them for what they are.  I knew with the sacredness I had for life, something wasn't as it should be, because that could not be me contemplating doing such a thing.  And I realized that if the thing I was being told had been true, that God was through with me, then why had my brother come down when he did, and said what he did?  And if it was true that I was his and nothing I could do to change it, then why would Satan still be fighting for me anyway?

Needless to say, it was upward all the way from that point.  I've since then taken a deeper look at depression and its causes and in its various forms, to try to understand what happened to me, and to be at least a little bit better informed.  And one thing I see involved in about every form is the negative thinking that accompanies it, and inevitably a debate over which came first and caused the other.  But either way, it's surely there.  I see it some in your posts, and feel I want to help, but really don't know the answers to dealing with that part of it.  I still do tend to have periods of depression, not like that first incident, but generally speaking, running in cycles like bipolar, just not so extreme.  And it definitely affects what I do in ministry.  I used to beat myself over the head with all my weaknesses and resolve to shore them up and do better, and they only got worse, expanding the mental loop even further and getting me more discouraged.

Somewhere in the middle of that, I remember reading "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald, who said something so simple, but so profound, and I never forgot it.  Working on your weaknesses, he says, is not the way to go about "getting it right."  We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses.  What if everybody took that approach, and neglected their strengths in favor of improving their weaknesses?  Instead, he said, work on the things that you do best, find ways to incorporate them and simply do the things you do best.  So worship and pastoral care became the benchmarks of what I do, and I would not even think of approaching things any other way.  

I know that was a severe digression, but I say all that to say this, that I was touched by your honesty and willingness to speak up, a lot of people wouldn't.  I can remember a time when I would never have even considered such a thing.  And because you were willing to do so, I hope that everyone here with even an ounce of compassion will respond and reach out to let you know you have many friends through our Savior.  When I saw your comment about "working on the things around me that cause or trigger that sadness," I thought of those words I had read so long ago.  And I wanted to just pop in and say, "Why not try the opposite, and work on the things that produce joy in your life?"  But somehow it sounded so simplistic when I thought of just sticking the statement up by itself, and so I went back and gathered all the thoughts that came with it and did some window dressing.  

And if nothing else, you have one more here who can truthfully say, "I've been there too."  Believe me, after thinking you've committed the unpardonable sin somehow, that can be the biggest blessing in the world to know you're not alone.  For me, it came in reading a book describing the planting of that seed-thought as one of the most common tricks of the enemy of our souls.  

I'm glad you shared with all of us, and I will definitely be keeping you in prayer.  

R.M.

[nChrist]

AMEN!! Brothers and Sisters.

It's amazing what Jesus can do with a yielded lump of clay, a vessel made fit for the Master's Use.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[musicllover]

Musiclover,

I know very well the anguish of spiritual depression.  When I was saved from drug addiction, I was so excited I went practically nonstop for weeks, telling everybody I met all about what had happened to me.  My whole life had changed into one of trying to get to know this God I had neglected for so long.  Eventually I had to come down off the cloud and realize I needed a job, so I went to work, and the first opportunity that came along to go hang out with a couple of coworkers who were into the old lifestyle, along I went, even thinking somehow this was OK with God.  Turns out ol' slewfoot was at work instead, and I went for it hook, line, and sinker.  Next thing I know, he's got me convinced my next destination is eternity with him, and God is through with me for good, I had wasted my one last chance.  I walked around in a daze for several months.  When out and about, I thought every remark someone made was a hint to let me know that they knew all about it, and they were laughing too.  I thought God was going to let Satan just take my life any day, and was constantly looking over my shoulder every day wondering which direction it would come from.  Finally, one day I sat on the couch gazing at the shotgun in the corner and thinking to myself how easy it would be to stop the hell on earth that was my life at that time.  

Fortunately we have a God who cares, because at that moment, my brother drove up and came in and sat down.  We made some small talk for a bit, then when there was a break in the conversation, he started talking, just out of the blue, about Judas.  "Judas could have been forgiven, you know, just the same as Peter for denying, or anybody else for any other sin.  But he went and did away with himself, thinking it was all over, and removed the opportunity to ask."  

And very shortly after that, he got up, walked out and left, leaving me wondering, "What was that all about?"  But I knew, and I just looked up and wondered awhile.  It was then and there I came to know the two voices in the world, and to recognize them for what they are.  I knew with the sacredness I had for life, something wasn't as it should be, because that could not be me contemplating doing such a thing.  And I realized that if the thing I was being told had been true, that God was through with me, then why had my brother come down when he did, and said what he did?  And if it was true that I was his and nothing I could do to change it, then why would Satan still be fighting for me anyway?

Needless to say, it was upward all the way from that point.  I've since then taken a deeper look at depression and its causes and in its various forms, to try to understand what happened to me, and to be at least a little bit better informed.  And one thing I see involved in about every form is the negative thinking that accompanies it, and inevitably a debate over which came first and caused the other.  But either way, it's surely there.  I see it some in your posts, and feel I want to help, but really don't know the answers to dealing with that part of it.  I still do tend to have periods of depression, not like that first incident, but generally speaking, running in cycles like bipolar, just not so extreme.  And it definitely affects what I do in ministry.  I used to beat myself over the head with all my weaknesses and resolve to shore them up and do better, and they only got worse, expanding the mental loop even further and getting me more discouraged.

Somewhere in the middle of that, I remember reading "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald, who said something so simple, but so profound, and I never forgot it.  Working on your weaknesses, he says, is not the way to go about "getting it right."  We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses.  What if everybody took that approach, and neglected their strengths in favor of improving their weaknesses?  Instead, he said, work on the things that you do best, find ways to incorporate them and simply do the things you do best.  So worship and pastoral care became the benchmarks of what I do, and I would not even think of approaching things any other way.  

I know that was a severe digression, but I say all that to say this, that I was touched by your honesty and willingness to speak up, a lot of people wouldn't.  I can remember a time when I would never have even considered such a thing.  And because you were willing to do so, I hope that everyone here with even an ounce of compassion will respond and reach out to let you know you have many friends through our Savior.  When I saw your comment about "working on the things around me that cause or trigger that sadness," I thought of those words I had read so long ago.  And I wanted to just pop in and say, "Why not try the opposite, and work on the things that produce joy in your life?"  But somehow it sounded so simplistic when I thought of just sticking the statement up by itself, and so I went back and gathered all the thoughts that came with it and did some window dressing.  

And if nothing else, you have one more here who can truthfully say, "I've been there too."  Believe me, after thinking you've committed the unpardonable sin somehow, that can be the biggest blessing in the world to know you're not alone.  For me, it came in reading a book describing the planting of that seed-thought as one of the most common tricks of the enemy of our souls.  

I'm glad you shared with all of us, and I will definitely be keeping you in prayer.  

R.M.

R.M,
     I am speechless, ME can you believe that, Thank you, from your mouth to God's ears.
musicllover