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Author Topic: request for what? I don't know  (Read 1225 times)
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I'm a llama!

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« on: June 17, 2004, 02:52:36 AM »

Share with me brethern my heart.  It is a heart of passion for the unsaved, a heart that has witnessed in joy of the Lord seeing many children, adults born again, a heart that reared, lost, then reared four children who are saved- all but one is fallen, hear me Lord on this for I know your time comes and these children are falling, falling.  My Lord knows my heart has suffered many mournful offensive heartbreaking times with children, husband and hard times in spite of my warnings of the Lord's infallable principles.  My Lord knows how I thanked him for tragedies that would be building stones for His Glory and my Lord knows this stuck with the ones I loved as the seed that fell on thorny ground.
The Lord knows I have lost all things in the past and worked hard to rebuild only to be losing my home for the sin that does exist in my home once again.  I am mournful bretheren, and usually carry on.  I know all the love from God, I know what is real and nothing is impossible, yet my years have made me weary, my eyes are now failing, my physical condition is poor, and I do not even have more than a dollar twenty five to keep going for two weeks.  God knows I stayed home to work with my daughter, build her up, increase her acknowledgment of God's love and her purpose in life.  He knows I mourn for her horrible experiences where we moved, how they have change her, and knowing she knows she has changed being frustrated and trying so hard to get back.
Losing all in life once again, I do believe Satan has touched it all, even the van that now has no muffler and barely runs.  I lost hours at work because of testing for my daughter, counseling to no avail and my presence at home was more fruitful and needed for counseling was unaffordable.  It's been a long haul bretheren, and I'm crying as I write this.  I know that this is so not good to hear, and I feel that I shouldn't even write this but I have to write somewhere as man's nature is to vent.  I just pray that God knows I still wait on him even though I have a heavy heart that I cannot comprehend. I can't understand it at all, even though I know I have worked diligently in between the problems late at night, in the day, and worked on other incomes that failed also.  I just don't understand how hard I worked as opposed to how everything has failed.  All I want to do is some kind of involvement in spreading the good news with what I work with now.
 I know that Satan wants me to curse God, to which I know God's glory will come out of this because I praise Him for all His will is perfect and righteous. I will leave that dark spiritual world up to God.   I know somewhat of the feelings Job must have had.  I don't want this, but God knows the answer, I do not want to even begin a thought of knowing what God's will is.  I only want to continue and hopefully He will show me soon.  I am so bereaved with all the matter of life yet can see the light but don't know why.  
Has anybody ever been through this a million times as I?
I have always been the one to do the work and pull it together only for the others to go on their merry ways and reap the rewards.  Although we know there are no true rewards except in heaven.
Have you always prayed and then left the rest up to God? I have never mistrusted God.  I have always spoken of the Lord when an opportunity arises in my daily life to which I work around the youngest allowed to work to the oldest and handicapped.  
Has anybody ever been here where I am at and not have a way to turn financially, reasonably, and stuck for an eternity all on your own?  I have, but not losing a home and having nothing to bail me out anywhere.  I have met people here, but I still am in a strange place.  A place I don't want to live.  But there's a reason for this all.  Thank you for your ear.  I know I've displayed more than what people usually do, but it is a hopeful situation for the Lord to work with and receive glory, amen.  I lost eveything I owned and worked for in ten years when I moved here, family things, pictures, equipment, my dog,a lot believe me, yet that is nothing, this is something I just don't understand.  
I am going to pray for the whole body of Christ tonight.  I've been watching like all of you probably, and it's a bewildering world that has excellerated in confusion.  I don't want to be part of that, that is what I want to be protected from.  
I have to go, I just found out a neighbor had a stroke and I have to take the two young daughters to the hospital.  Now that needs prayer.  I will try to keep focused on the Lord, ask for wisdom.  I am forgetting all this lately with all that has pressured my time.  Thank you for sharing with me.  I'm sorry this is so poorly written.  I just don't understand how this can be this way when one plans, works, and really has no doubt about God's love and being in their life.Huh  I know I'm missing something major to continue in this way.
Thank God we are His children, keep looking up.

HEADS UP Faithful!.... and you are Christ's
                                         and Christ is God's.
                                         1 Cor. 3:23
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