How do you know?

[Coyote]

I've seem to have hit a hole I can't seem to get out of. I am faithfully studying the word as well as praying for guidance I know is coming. My marriage is doing great and everybody is doing well, but I seem to be stuck in this hole. As soon as I leave the house, I begin to get angry. It seems as if I can not find peace outside of mt home. When I goto work I do not have control over my emotions. I recently went off on my Boss and all of my subordinates. I am normally a gentle spirit, but lately I have become a borderline wacko. I am thinking I have let work and the problems associated with it saturate my being. There just isn't any joy for me anymore at work. Unfortunatly I have no way to just quit. I still have four years left on this enlistment. Could this be a trial set for me? Is it a sign that it is time for me to move on? I am listening for the answers but I can't seem to hear them.

I am beging to think I am on the verge of breakdown. I can not afford for that to happen. I need help, I feel so helpless. I know I am not alone, I know Christ is here with me, I do not doubt my faith at all. I am just a little scared of my temper, my emotions, and my future.

Thank you for listeing to this incoherent ramble.

Bless you all.

Jim

[Reba]

Wow Coyote...

And the  world says men dont talk.... No words of wisdom or happy little sayings to make smile for the minute... Just know you are cared for far  beyond that of the lilly and sparrow...

forums make for long prayer list    

[Whitehorse]

Well, if it helps any, I am in the same boat. And that's why I'm going on vacation. We should start our own club-The Decaf Club. The Lord keeps helping me refocus on heaven, and it's talking some time but I'm getting stronger in this area. (Thanks BEP-I'm looking up! )

I think God put me in an inescapable situation to show love to people who REEEEEEEALlY like to push my buttons. So God is helping me to disconnect those buttons. It takes time, and I expect this vacation is going to help a lot because I can take all the time I need to refocus and figure out what I'm going to do in advance when something happens. Or, maybe I can even resolve situations before they begin someway. At any rate, I'm too busy and too burned out and I need to take a break and refresh and refocus. Maybe you might benefit from a vacation, too. You don't even have to leave your house, although if you can that always helps. Maybe you just need to be alone with the Lord, a mug of java, the Bible and some really tasty theology books. I'm with you, bro.

[Symphony]

Whitehorse said: people who REEEEEEEALlY like to push my buttons.


Sorry, Whitehorse.  I just can't help it!    


Coyote says he can't leave his situation.  Whitehorse says her/his is inescapable.  I keep trying to figure out a way to leave mine.  Jesus prayed to let this cup pass from Him.



Am I detecting a pattern here?      

[Whitehorse]

Sorry, Whitehorse.  I just can't help it!

Sym, have you dome something naughty I should know about?  

[Coyote]

I did some real hard praying last night. I broke down and let Jesus take my problems from me, I felt alot better after I dried my eyes. I have talked to my Flight Chief and asked for a week of leave in two weeks. He told me that he would try to make it happen, but not to hold my breath since our workload is about to triple starting next week. I hope and pray I can take some time to spend with my familiy, and to pull back and regroup my sanity. I do not feel near as stressed as I did the other day, but I still have a pretty good stress problem.

I am suprised I haven't been asked to see the Chaplin or a doctor at mental health, for my outburst of anger/rage. I guess they understand some of the things I've been going through lately. I just hope I haven't been viewed as a weak link that can't handle the pressure... that is entirely untrue. I just have a problem with people passing the buck, sloughing off their work on others, not taking iniative, and not having integrity. I am a Christian to the core, and I do what is expected of me. I expect nothing less from my subordinates, and my superiors.

Please pray for my fellow workers. They are all having a hard time adjusting to our increasing work load. We are all stressed out to the max. The continuing pressures on our military gets more and more unbearable. The Air Force is starting a draw down of troops, so it is only going to get worse. All of my brothers/sisters in arms really need prayer to help them through these times.

Thank you all, for the help.

God Bless,

Jim

[Coyote]

It is amazing how the Spirit works. Sunday the wife and I went to see the "Passion" movie. It sobered us both. It made me realize that my trials are nothing compared to what Christ went through to save me. I really felt better about all my problems.

Yesterday our shop got volunteers from other squadrons to help with our increased workload. In that group of volunteers is a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 2 yrs. We immediatly began catching up, and come to find out we have both givin our lives to Christ, at about the same time. He has been going through alot of the same problems I have with work. I believe in my heart we were reunited for a reason. We have already paired off while we work and witness to each other, and discuss and praise what we are here for.

 I witnessed to one of my troops yesterday afternoon. I've been witnessing to him for months now. His mother and I have prayed together on the phone for him. I know he will eventually turn around and surrender it all. He is close to giving it all up and walking with the Lord.

The power of prayer is an awesome thing. Thank you all who have prayed through this thread. We are all being blessed.


Jim

[JudgeNot]

 
Jim,
The Lord does INDEED watch out for us, love us, and HEARS our prayers!
Praise HIM!
Jim

[Coyote]

Well just when I thought it was looking up.... I hit a wall today, not a physical wall, but a sanity wall. I have managed to lose my temper twice while I was at work. I am really starting to get scared. I am fully aware of the perils of not being able to control my temper. My friend (see earlier post) and I went outside and prayed after the first outbreak. It got better, but 4 hours later I lost it again. what is scary is that it just comes on all of the sudden. Like a bolt of lightning BOOM!!! and the thunder rolls.... 10 minutes later I have calmed down. It is a seething hot type of anger. Almost animal.

Work is still extremely stressful. I have been given even more responsibility(sp). It was assumed earlier today that I had not followed procedure while I replaced a component last night. Of course that got me a little steamed, so I went in to my boss's office shut the door, and proceeded to set the facts straight. Thats when I began to lose my temper, for them questioning my integrity. They apologized but I was still hurt. I was then told my young troop who I had been praying for had screwed up yet again and that I had to go see the First Sergant tommrow. Then it was a discussion about personnel reports that I had turned in 3 weeks ago. AARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I told the boss that I was getting close to the end of my rope. He just smiled like it was no big deal. I told him to bite me and walked out. I heard him laughing so I guess he didn't think I was serious.

Flash forward to end of shift. Just finished rewriting those personell reports. Walk into the other office to retive the reports from the printer.... "There's the man you need to talk to" blindsided once again... I got questioned about that component change... AGAIN... so I explain the facts to them 3 times before they got it straight. Needless to say it was a heated discussion. My other boss forcefully pulled me out of the area, and saved someone a whoopin, and my career.

So here I sit, so wound up I can't sleep. Pouring out my pathetic problems on this keyboard. I prayed all the way home tonight. I don't expect a response to this. I just need to get it off my chest. I needed to talk and I didn't want to wake my wife this late at night. Thank you for the ear.

God Bless,

Jim

[Coyote]

Well here it is Sunday. Day after I went to a Sonicflood concert. Life is good. I was able to truely ask Christ to take it all from me. Ahhhhhhh what a relief. I don't know why I hang on to stuff like that. Guess I am a glutton for punishment.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!


Jim

[sincereheart]

That's wonderful news! I kept forgetting to ask my husband's opinion on this and finally remembered to last night!

In the event that it comes up again, my husband suggested that you RUN! Even if it's just a short run at lunch. He said it will help burn off the anger and give you time to talk to God while you run. To re-center with God.... He's a retired Marine and he said it worked for him....

[Tibby]

Be careful not to be taken away a temporary high. The enjoyment of a concert may, for a time, cover the issue, but when work rolls around, you may not be on cloud 9. Of course, I could be all wrong, I'm just offering a friendly warning, I've seen that kind of them many times before.

Replying to the first post, sounds like you, my friend, have some stress to deal with. Do you work out any? Maybe you should start walking. You can do a "Prayer walk" Walk and pray. Or go to the track. Or the gym. Maybe get some friend or a church group together and play some football or basketball or baseball or soccer. Do you listen to much music? Music can do wonders for a persons psyche. Music Therapy is now a lagit form of Psychotherapy. Maybe you would try and learn an instrament if you haven't already. These are just 2 ideas. Take up a hobby. But if you do, don't drown the stress in the hobby, DEAL with the stress thru the hobby. Maybe start a bible study group. You say you have been studying your bible, maybe you should try studying with a group, a group that you can share your feelings with, and can trust. That might help you out.

Thats my 2 cents.

[Coyote]

Tibby, your right... I need a good hobby. I started working out again, and have decided to get back into woodworking. I feel alot better after my work outs. I'm sore but it is for the better. I'll keep posting until I have this thing resolved.

[Coyote]

GOD IS AWESOME!!!!!

I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T PRAISE HIM ENOUGH FOR HIS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Well He gave me the strength to make it through another week. My leave got approved at the last minute, so I have a week of not working on airplanes... WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO


I am going to do some much needed carprenty around the house, clean my garage out, and just relax.



Thank you for the prayers,

Love Jim

[Whitehorse]

Hi, Jim.

I'm so sorry about the situation. I know how that goes and I'm glad you got some time off.

Since I've gone through similar circumstances, I'll tell you what happpened on my vacation and maybe it will help you, too. I don't know if you're upset for the same reasons, so it may do nothing to help, or if there's something in there that might be useful, enjoy.

In my situation, the time off was helpful in that I really had an opportunity to be alone with God, reassess my priorities, and I find that some things that seemed so important to me at the time were not the same as God's priorities which actually allow for spiritual rest. I could have been using my sabbaths better. It's one thing to simply not to work, but it's another to really use the rest time to get in close contact with the Lord. The distraction of what I thought the Lord wanted me to do was keeping me from what He actually wanted me to do. He doesn't want me burned out-He'll give me the time to do what I need to do.

As for the people who were adding to my stress, I can see they're doing it for their own entertainment because of what I represent, so instead of letting them push my buttons, which is what they actually want, I've just handed them over to the Lord to deal with-completely handed them up lock, stock, and barrel. After all, their sin is their problem, not mine unless I let it become mine. Now that I've given them their admonishment, once, I can't let their sin become my problem so that it causes division between me and the Lord. That's the devil's work, and we can actually stop satan's scheme through the blood and strength of Christ.

I guess what I learned is, I'm not responsible for casting pearls. Or wearing myself out for the spiritual wellbeing of people who are opposed God. It's simply my job to do what God really has called me to do, in His Spirit, and some will be influenced along the way as God influences them. But that won't happen if I'm letting myself become worn out over burdens God never called me to accept. The actual work may be His burden, but future plights of these people are not my burden once I've done everything the Lord has called me to do, which starts with not spending my godgiven time and resources on enemies of the Lord who've made it known they want nothing to do with Him. It's my burden to do what God has called me to do, and that means feeding His sheep, not self-proclaimed goats, or wolves in sheep's clothing. I was giving the sheep's food to the wrong herd and I didn't even know it. So the Lord allowed me to become tired so I'd get back to intense study and quiet time with Him and reassess. He is so beautiful and so compassionate.

Sometimes the best way to win a soul is to become impervious to their attmpts to get us riled, knowing the Lord is just, and just letting Him get their attention. His way. Which, I've seen, really is very effective if that's His will. Others He hardens. And that is effective when that is His will. That has taken away the bitterness that angered me and wore me out.

Here's what I'm taking comfort in now:

Isaiah 40

40:27Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

40:28Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

40:29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

40:30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

40:31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

The thing I take so much comfort in when I read these verses is in verse 28: the strength is he Lord's. The way we receive that strength from Him is to wait upon Him. That means doing what He called us to do, and doing it His way. Zeal is a great and powerful tool, when it is used to accomplish the Lord's tasks. Sometimes misguided altruism causes us to waste our spiritual and mental resources on unprofitable tasks. Instead, we wait and rest. After all, there are certain burdens we're not meant to carry. Just let Him deal with it, trusting completely that He will. And when the time is right, He will.

Blessings,
Whitehorse