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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
284851 Posts in 27555 Topics by 3790 Members
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| | |-+  Favorite Jokes :)
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Author Topic: Favorite Jokes :)  (Read 28097 times)
The Crusader
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« Reply #30 on: February 17, 2004, 05:24:10 AM »

I enjoyed them all. LOL

Your friend and brother

The Crusader
<Smiley))><
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2nd Timothy
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« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2004, 12:33:13 PM »

Tiger - I KNOW you are a girl - I've seen your picture!  What part of "For Men Only" is unclear???   Grin Grin Grin
Cute poem.
 Smiley

ROFL  Cheesy

Come on JN, nothing like a gal hanging out with the guys for a good laugh!

Just funnin ya man!  Keep em comin TL!
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Tim

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JudgeNot
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« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2004, 01:11:53 PM »

While on a road trip, an elderly couple (probably older even than Mr. & Mrs BEP) stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
 
  When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. She didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
 
 All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
 
 To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, her husband yelled to her: "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat."
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Paul2
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« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2004, 02:47:53 PM »

      You guys crack me up, funny stuff, ROTFLMHO! Grin

                                                    Paul2 Grin
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TigerLily
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« Reply #34 on: February 18, 2004, 03:16:29 PM »

Quote
ROFL  

Come on JN, nothing like a gal hanging out with the guys for a good laugh!
LOl um ty 2nd timothy I um think?? hehe

Quote
Keep em comin TL!
ok heres a little something for ya's...


Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast




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Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
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« Reply #35 on: February 18, 2004, 04:41:24 PM »

Quote
LOl um ty 2nd timothy I um think?? hehe

lol, I really did mean that in a kind way TL...I promise!

Quote
3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

ROF
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Tim

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nChrist
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« Reply #36 on: February 18, 2004, 08:51:01 PM »

Quote
While on a road trip, an elderly couple (probably older even than Mr. & Mrs BEP) stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

Brother JudgeNot,

 Grin   Grin  I resemble that remark, but I wear the glasses and my wife wears the hat.
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nChrist
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« Reply #37 on: February 18, 2004, 08:56:26 PM »

Oklahoma Howdy to Tigerlily,

ROFL - I'm glad you've been saving up some funnies for us. The sign picture made me think of signs all over Oklahoma that say "Watch for Ice on Bridge". We rarely have really cold weather, but we look for the ice, even on 110 degree days.

Love In Christ,
Tom
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« Reply #38 on: February 18, 2004, 09:23:20 PM »

OK here's another blond joke:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.

That definitely must be FICTION!  Grin But Funny! Grin
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TigerLily
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« Reply #39 on: February 19, 2004, 08:55:39 AM »

Quote
lol, I really did mean that in a kind way TL...I promise!
hehe.. ok, then ty ty ty Wink
Hope yous enjoy these little "funnies"
Quote
ROFL - I'm glad you've been saving up some funnies for us.
hi tom, Glad your enjoying them,,  Grin

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. Grin


The Fridge

70 year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally,emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof! The light goes on &I go to the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off!"

"Wow,"commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife."Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great.But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?"

Thelma replied, "Darn fool! He's peeing in the fridge again!" Lips Sealed Wink

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new
dentist, I noticed his framed Dental Certificate on the wall. The reason I
noticed it I think is that it had his full name written on it.
Thinking that it sounded very familiar, I realized that he was a High
School classmate of mine 50 some years ago!
Suddenly, I remembered this tall handsome boy, with brown wavy hair, and a
smile that would make the room light up. Smiling to myself, I also
remembered the "crush" I had on him! But somehow, we never "made contact."
After completing all of the necessary forms, and waiting for a few minutes,
I was ushered into a room, "napkined" and was told that "The Dr. will be in
a few moments."
Upon seeing him however I quickly discarded my "dreamy" thoughts o him.
My "dream boat" was now gray haired, beginning to bald, a little stooped,
and had a deeply lined face that was much too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, and we were waiting for the X-ray's to be
developed, I asked him if he had attended a local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1951."
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely for a moment, then asked, "What class did you
teach?"  Roll Eyes Grin


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Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
nChrist
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« Reply #40 on: February 19, 2004, 10:21:31 AM »

Oklahoma Howdy to Tigerlily,


Thanks, I needed those laughs.

Love In Christ,
Tom
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TigerLily
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« Reply #41 on: February 19, 2004, 10:38:35 AM »

Tom, Your Very Grin

(loved those loling lips hehe very cute)
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Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
JudgeNot
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« Reply #42 on: February 19, 2004, 11:32:58 PM »

Could ADMIN boost the memory of this website so I could post a reply to Tiger's reply to Mr. BEP's reply?  If I'm going to keep up with the Jones' (covet my neighbor?) I need POWER.   Grin Grin

Just kidding guys.   Grin  Honest!  Just kidding!!!!

It reminds me of the classic suburbian battle for "best Christmas lights" - blew out the local power plant.

(He-he-he.  I kill me!)  Grin
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« Reply #43 on: February 20, 2004, 01:06:50 PM »

  ;D8)
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Ambassador4Christ
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« Reply #44 on: February 21, 2004, 05:09:27 PM »

Thanks tigerlily, LOL Grin
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Are You GOING TO HEAVEN?

http://forums.christiansunite.com/index.php?board=3;action=display;threadid=550

Galatians 4:16   Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
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