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« on: January 13, 2004, 12:25:32 PM »

I cannot do a ‘short’ testimony – there is simply too much to cover for you to understand where I was, where I’ve been, where I am, and what God has done in my life.  So if you wish to read on, please do – if not that’s OK too!
I was always (and still am, to an extent) afraid of people.  When I was about a year old we moved to a smallish island in Alaska, just south of Kodiak Island, called Sitkinak.  My father raised cattle and sheep, and we (Mom, Dad and my brother Tom) were the only human inhabitants.  As far as I was concerned, the only other human in the world was the supply-plane pilot who came once a month or so.  When we left the island and moved to Texas I was 4 years old, and had a deep distrust of all these “other” people who seemed to take away the time that my family used to spend entirely (so I thought) with me.  Thus began my fear of people.  I understand now that this fear was based completely on selfishness.  
Things only became worse when I began attending school.  I never “knew how to act” and so was quiet and reclusive.  Kids being kids; my peers saw this as a weakness and used it in fairly hurtful manners which only acted to strengthen my fear and distrust of others.  Even in Sunday school I was laughed at for each little gaffe and no one (even the teachers) took the time to actually guide me.  (I never realized that mostly they were laughing WITH me – if I would just laugh with them – and that if I had asked they would have told me!)  So my lonely life continued, and though I tried to fit in through my school years I really never did, and was endlessly uncomfortable.
Then, in 1972 when I had just turned 17, there was a revival at our football stadium – a week long affair that I attended nightly.  On the third night – I remember Dale Evans (as in Roy Rogers) was the key-note speaker – and I was led to Jesus.  What a glorious feeling!  I remember tingling from head to toe and the tears would not stop.  I had never felt so whole, so loved and so alive.  (I also had never felt so ashamed when I saw myself as I was before that moment!!!)  
But then the selfishness returned.  I was so alive for many months – and the life I felt made me less afraid of people, which gave me a sense of freedom I was unaccustomed to.  I prayed less and ‘socialized’ more.  It became easier to make friends, and I craved friends.  But I made the wrong kind of friends.  By the time I was 19 I was doing drugs and drinking regularly – and I liked it!  Of course, in my delusional state I justified everything.  Some of you may recognize the old arguments:  “God made marijuana grow…so indulge!” or “Jesus turned water into wine…so indulge!” all lies from Lucifer, but lies I wanted to hear.
In 1975, I had just turned 20; my best friend, Jim, and I were in my old ’59 ford.  We had been smoking dope and drinking.  I ran under the back of a parked flat-bed truck.  Jim was killed.  I killed him just as sure as if I had put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  I couldn’t blame God, I couldn’t blame Satan; I only had myself to blame and I did – for the following 20 years.  Those were definitely the ‘dark’ years.  To ease my mental anguish there was no drug I wouldn’t do.  Marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, speed, downers, alcohol – the more the better.  I’ll never know why, in all those years, I never killed anyone else or ended up in prison.  (But for the grace of God!)  Here’s the real kicker:  During those years I kept attending church regularly!  Drugs on Saturday, God on Sunday (followed by drugs)!  I was never unemployed – after all – I was a drug ‘user’ not a drug ‘abuser’, I told myself.  And if I ever got so loaded I couldn’t go to work the next day then I was ‘too’ loaded.  
I was so, so lost.
Through it all, Jesus never once turned His back on me.  I walked away from Him and He followed!  Everywhere I went, Jesus was with me – I just ignored Him.  In 1995 I moved my family to another town and the neighbors, Wayne and Jackie, from across the street dropped by for a visit.  They were really nice folks and I told Wayne to “drop by for a beer one of these days”.  He had kind of a sly grin and said, “Sure, I’ll drop by”.  And he did – but not for a beer.  As it turned out he was (still is!) the pastor of one of the local churches.  Brother Wayne helped me to see what I had become, helped me recognize the selfishness, and led me home again.  I had never been baptized, and Brother Wayne did the honors on a December night in 1995.  Praise the Lord I am still in Jesus hands!  
Yes – “The Parable of the Prodigal Son” is my favorite!  Should you be in doubt about the Lord as you have read this – PLEASE remember He will never, EVER leave you, and never, EVER quit loving you.  Come home to Him – just as you are – come home to Him.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2004, 12:30:36 PM by JudgeNot » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2004, 01:29:42 PM »

Wow, what a testimony!  Gods Grace is so merciful in our lives.   He is faithful and promises to finish what he started in each us.

Thank you for sharing this JudgeNot!  

Grace and Peace!
« Last Edit: January 13, 2004, 01:30:50 PM by 2nd Timothy » Logged


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« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2004, 01:44:32 AM »

Oklahoma Howdy to JudgeNot,

Brother, I'm really glad that I found and read your testimony. It was a blessing to me, and I thank you for sharing. It is beautiful to reflect and enjoy the love of our precious Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ!

Love In Christ,

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« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2004, 04:45:49 PM »

hey Judge not:

Isn't it great the love of God is not just something that he
does, it is what he is! 1John4:7-8

great test.

respectfully yours in Yeshua:



if not you, who? if not now, when?
if not here, where? if it is to be it is up to me!
John 3:17 for he came not into the world to condemn the world, but that the world thru him might be saved! Rom 8:1 there is therefore no con-
demnation to those who are in
christ Jesus...
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« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2004, 09:45:45 PM »

wow JN what a wonderful testimony.. God is so GOOD, thank God He didnt give up!
Thank you for sharing this, i know its not always easy to share about things that we went thru..
reading how God has been so good to pple and brought you and so many others out from a life of sin and dispair truly touches and encourages us to read!
God Bless

Remember that tho the storms of life may rage & stir things up, cause chaos and at times many hurts, etc...In the end, It can unearth the most beautiful of treasure! Keep Holding on to Jesus thru the storm & He will indeed show you the beauty of life after its all settled & peaceful, Its His Plan!
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« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2004, 10:17:18 PM »


I just read your testimony for the first time, too.  It gave me goosebumps all over. WOW  Oh how He loves you JN.  You are so precious in His sight.

Clearing my throat um um, considering the picture you posted, you're precious in CU's sight too  Wink Grin.


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« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2004, 12:04:54 PM »


I just read your testimony for the first time, too.  It gave me goosebumps all over. WOW  Oh how He loves you JN.  You are so precious in His sight.

Clearing my throat um um, considering the picture you posted, you're precious in CU's sight too  Wink Grin.


Too often it takes tragedy to bring us to the  brokenness that makes us reach up to God.  It takes great courage to share a testimony so personal and I thank you for being willing to put yourself out there in such a loving way.  You ARE precious in His sight and in ours.  I am so glad I found your testimony and your friendship at CU.


Psa 119:11  Thy word have I laid up in my heart, That I might not sin against thee.
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