Friendship boundaries in a marriage

[Hanging on]

I have a question about friendships in a marriage. I was wondering if there is a boundary to what you do with/for friends while married. Is it safe for a married person to be at a single friends house of the opposite sex? Or are they just asking for there to be trouble? Is there a time frame that they shouldn't be there(like after 10 pm or something)? Do these rules change at all if the marriage is on rocky ground?

[ebia]

If you're likely to do something you shouldn't, don't put yourself in that position. Otherwise, fine.

[Symphony]

ebia's seems to be a good rule of thumb...

[Psalm 119]

Hanging On,

The rule of thumb is to avoid all appearances of evil.

We know a dear Christian man, who was courting a woman, (both in their 30's and never married) she never came into his home, nor did he kiss her until their wedding day. This may seem "prudish" to some, but he did not want to put himself into a postion where he would sin against God.

As a general rule ,single men or women should not be hanging around married couples in a closed setting. And a single man should never be at a married woman's house when her husband is away, and vice versa. Nor should a pastor counsel a woman without the presence of another woman.

Here is a true story: Around 15 years ago, a pastor's wife was involved in a ministry that took her out of town on occasion. She would often be accompanied by a young single man that her and her husband were "discipling".Her husband (the pastor) encouraged this young man to look after his wife during these ministry events. Well he looked after her......she became pregnant with his baby. I guess the marriage was eventually restored. But the sad irony of the situation was that the pastor and his wife had been approached about this young man and the involvement with his wife. All counsel fell on deaf ears.

Use wise judgement, and avoid situations that would cause you to sin.

Psalm 119

[Whitehorse]

Good posts. I agree. Psalm 119, wow-that poor pastor!

[Coyote]

My wife and I had dealings with this when we first got married, 10 yrs ago. Since we were both young, and newlyweds the transition from single to married life was slow. We finally made a promise to each other that we would not let the opposite sex into our house without the both of us being there. We did amend that to a 5 min window if they wanted to wait, but just inside the door. Before we established those rules, I had almost clobbered a dear friend of mine. He would stop by while I was out, and chat with my wife. I know nothing ever happened, but it just had the perception of being extremely wrong. I finally had enough one evening when I came home from work and he was there. Needless to say my temper got away from me.

All my friends and her friends now call before the stop over to make sure we are home. Hopefully it is out of respect for us, and not the fact I answer the door with my sidearm ready.

[Symphony]

And a single man should never be at a married woman's house when her husband is away, and vice versa


Hm.  Or, a married man either, for that matter?  That is, neither a married man, nor a single man, should be at a married woman's house when her husband is away, and vice versa?

Whew, it sure gets complicated.  It was much easier when we were just kids.  I think that was the point of Peter Pan--he didn't want to grow up.   Sapphire here comments on it under Movies.



Anyway, here's one:  

You're a man, rainy bad weather, alone, driving highway.  Pedestrian, side of road walking, female, no head covering.

Whether you're single or married, what do you do?  

Drive on, ignore her?

[Whitehorse]

That is a stickler. But if she's wise, she wouldn't accept a ride from a strange man even if offered. But to be the one to offer it? I think it's okay unless the guy has a weakness he's aware of. In this case, it's an act of mercy and there is no repeated exposure. But he should know what he's going to do if she does anything wierd. I guess it isn't entirely possible that women can be crazies, too.

[sincereheart]

The rule of thumb is to avoid all appearances of evil.

I have to agree with Psalm119.  

You're a man, rainy bad weather, alone, driving highway.  Pedestrian, side of road walking, female, no head covering.

Whether you're single or married, what do you do?  

Drive on, ignore her?


Pull up beside her and ask her if she needs you to call someone for her. I can't imagine any woman getting into the car of a man she doesn't know, so not offering her a ride wouldn't seem ungentlemanly...

[Whitehorse]

Good point.

Psalm 119, what did they do with the baby???

[Symphony]

Maybe my point here is sometimes the guy is as vulnerable as the lady?

Not so much phsysically, but ramification-wise, or reputation-wise.

If you pick up a female, for whatever reason, can't she make any accusation she wants--even if its not a legal one.  It won't even matter if you're married or not, either way just the assistance could be interpreted in any number of ways?

In this kind of situation, it seems virtually a slamdunk you're going to have to do the bare minimum; even sincereheart's could be misinterpreted.

But if I'm a Christian, what am I doing ignoring or abandoning someone obviously in need?

Of course, if I'm married, it could be even further complicated, understandably.

[Hanging on]

I hear about a married women/man shouldn't have a single man/women in there home while there spouse is again. What about a married woman/man going to a single persons house of the opposite sex?

[Hanging on]

I hear about a married women/man shouldn't have a single man/women in there home while there spouse is away. What about a married woman/man going to a single persons house of the opposite sex?

[ebia]

Sheesh, you guys don't have a very high opinion of anyone's ability to resist temptation, do you?

I hear about a married women/man shouldn't have a single man/women in there home while there spouse is again. What about a married woman/man going to a single persons house of the opposite sex?

Why stop there?  Shouldn't you "ban" any person being alone with anyone of the opposite sex unless they are married to each other?

Maybe you should also stop going to the shops on your own in case you are tempted to shoplift.

 

[Symphony]

That's not a very good comparison, ebia.  Products on a market shelf can't scream back at you and accuse you of impropriety.