DEZINFORMATSIAFrom the “Sympathy for the Devil” Department: “Governor Eliot Spitzer came to office vowing to restore ethics and integrity. But, as he said today, he failed to live up the standards he set for himself. It was a supremely humiliating press conference for a man who made his name as a crusading public servant.” — ABC reporter Dan Harris
Gasp!: “[N]ot to be outdone, one of [Obama’s] advisers... says that [Clinton’s] a monster... It doesn’t seem good. And the big question becomes, who is this helping? Who is this hurting? And even more troubling for the Democrats, are they paving the way for a Republican victory?” — ABC’s Chris Cuomo
Still bitter: “The [Democrat] convention could turn to a compromise candidate. Al Gore is the most obvious and perhaps the only contender who could head off a complete meltdown in the party. After all, he already won the popular vote for the presidency. It was only because of a fluke at the Supreme Court that he was denied his turn at the wheel. No one could deny that he’s ready on day one to assume the presidency.” — Newsweek’s Eleanor Clift
Hitting the Clintons: “Hillary successfully recast herself in Ohio as a beer-drinking former waitress. Only after last week’s reversals did the Obama camp raise a louder ruckus about her tax returns. Obviously, Ms. Night Shift does not want to reveal the details of the fortune that Bill Clinton has made, sometimes through dubious associations.” — New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd
Conspiracy theories: “Oil was $28 a barrel when George Bush was sworn in. It’s $104 right now and could go to $120 soon. Now, why do you suppose that is? It wouldn’t have to do with the policies of the Bush administration or the relationship they have with the oil companies, would it? Come on.” — CNN’s Jack Cafferty
VILLAGE IDIOTSLife’s rough: “We have become a nation of struggling folks who are barely making it every day. Folks are just jammed up, and it’s gotten worse over my lifetime. And, doggone it, I’m young. Forty-four!” — Michelle Obama on America, which she adds is “just downright mean”
>From the Sycophant Files: “I’ve never seen a more heroic person in politics than she’s been in these primaries in... Ohio and Texas. ...I love Senator Clinton to death. She’s probably my favorite person in the world.” — Clintonista James Carville Break “I looked at my friend Bill [Clinton] 30 years ago and I thought, ‘If there is anything inherently healthy in the universe, you should be president one day.’ And I looked at Hillary and thought, ‘Wow, do I dare to dream?”’ — actress Mary Steenburgen
“Supporting” the troops: “You think everyone over [in Iraq] is a college graduate? They’re 19 and 20-year-old kids who couldn’t get a job.” — actor Richard Belzer, who was invited to leave Dean Junior College in Massachusetts after a year and a half for being a bit too active on the student demonstration front
This week’s “Non Compos Mentis” Awards: “Now, when it all went down at 9/11 and [President Bush] said ‘we’re going get him,’ I was like ‘come on Georgie, let’s go.’ But he didn’t go where he said we were going. See, that’s where I got, because I woke up the next morning, we were in Iraq. I was like, what? I don’t think we’re in Afghanistan.” — Whoopi Goldberg on “The View,” who apparently slept through the 17 months between Afghanistan and Iraq Break “How am I gonna stand up and say, I’m a ‘gotcha11-friendly’ mayor to these cameras after ‘Chocolate City’ and some of the other stuff that I’ve done. But you know what? I’m in.” — New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin welcoming the author of the gotcha11 Monologues, Eve Ensler to the city to promote the “V-Day” celebration
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