DISCUSSION FORUMS
MAIN MENU
Home
Help
Advanced Search
Recent Posts
Site Statistics
Who's Online
Forum Rules
Bible Resources
• Bible Study Aids
• Bible Devotionals
• Audio Sermons
Community
• ChristiansUnite Blogs
• Christian Forums
Web Search
• Christian Family Sites
• Top Christian Sites
Family Life
• Christian Finance
• ChristiansUnite KIDS
Read
• Christian News
• Christian Columns
• Christian Song Lyrics
• Christian Mailing Lists
Connect
• Christian Singles
• Christian Classifieds
Graphics
• Free Christian Clipart
• Christian Wallpaper
Fun Stuff
• Clean Christian Jokes
• Bible Trivia Quiz
• Online Video Games
• Bible Crosswords
Webmasters
• Christian Guestbooks
• Banner Exchange
• Dynamic Content

Subscribe to our Free Newsletter.
Enter your email address:

ChristiansUnite
Forums
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 22, 2024, 08:41:24 PM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
287025 Posts in 27572 Topics by 3790 Members
Latest Member: Goodwin
* Home Help Search Login Register
+  ChristiansUnite Forums
|-+  Fellowship
| |-+  Just For Women (Moderator: admin)
| | |-+  Chicken Soup
« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 38 39 [40] 41 42 ... 49 Go Down Print
Author Topic: Chicken Soup  (Read 185760 times)
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #585 on: December 31, 2009, 03:07:26 PM »

 Grin

Quote
•I will not tell the same story at every get together.

But I can't remember any other stories.
Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #586 on: January 03, 2010, 11:51:45 AM »

Grin

But I can't remember any other stories.

I resemble that remark!  There is only one corny joke that I can remember and recite by heart! LOL!
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #587 on: January 03, 2010, 11:55:40 AM »

Observations on Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them
...but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.
Coming home is better!
~When people say you look "Great"...
they add "for your age!"
~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
~You forget names ... but it's OK
because other people forgot
they even knew you!!!
~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
is now 15 and you have a better chance
of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
~You realize you're never going
to be really good at anything .... especially golf.
~Your spouse is counting on you
to remember things you don't remember.
~The things you used to care to do,
you no longer care to do,
but you really do care that you
don't care to do them anymore.
~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair
with the TV blaring than he does in bed.
It's called his "pre-sleep".
~Remember when your mother said,
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
~You miss the days when everything worked
with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...
were unheard of, and a mouse was something
that made you climb on a table.
~You used to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"...  Huh
~Now that you can afford
expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~Your husband has a night out with the guys,
but he's home by 9:00 P.M.  Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.
~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~Now that your husband has retired ...
you'd give anything if he'd find a job!
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.

~~But old is good in some things:
old songs,
old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!


     
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #588 on: January 03, 2010, 03:01:09 PM »

 Grin   Grin   ROFL!

I love the graphic - consider it snagged.
Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #589 on: January 05, 2010, 12:18:32 PM »

Grin   Grin   ROFL!

I love the graphic - consider it snagged.

I KNEW you would!
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #590 on: January 05, 2010, 12:22:40 PM »

The Tablecloth

 
The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned
to their first ministry, to reopen a church 

in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early October
excited about their opportunities. When they saw
their church, it was very run down and needed
much work They set a goal to have everything
done in time to have their first service
on Christmas Eve.
They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls,
painting, etc, and on December 18
were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

O n December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving
rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church.
His heart sank when he saw that the roof had
leaked, causing a large area of plaster about
20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall
of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit,
beginning about head high..

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor,
and not knowing what else to do but postpone
the Christmas Eve service, headed home.
On the way he noticed that a local business was
having a flea market type sale for charity, so he
stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful,
handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth
with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross
embroidered right in the center. It was just
the right size to cover the hole in the front
wall. He bought it and headed back to the church..

B y this time it had started to snow. An older
woman running from the opposite direction was
trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor
invited her to wait in the warm church for
the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor
while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put
up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor
could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and
it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center
aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor,"

she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"
The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check
the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into
it there.. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had
made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria . 

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor
told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth". The
woman explained that before the war she and
her husband were well-to-do people in Austria .

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave.
Her husband was going to follow her the next week.
He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her
husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth;
but she made the pastor keep it for the church.
The pastor insisted on driving her home. That
was the least he could do. She lived on the other
side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn
for the day for a housecleaning job.

W hat a wonderful service they had on Christmas
Eve. The church was almost full The music and the
spirit were great At the end of the service, the
pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door
and many said that they would return.


One older man, whom the pastor recognized
from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the
pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he
wasn't leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on
the front wall because it was identical to one
that his wife had made years ago when
they lived in Austria before the war and how
could there be two tablecloths so much alike?

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he
forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was
supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and
put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home
again all the 35 years between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to
take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten
Island and to the same house where the pastor
had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of
stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on
the door and he saw the greatest Christmas
reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid

Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #591 on: January 05, 2010, 09:32:26 PM »

WONDERFUL STORY! - I enjoyed it.
Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #592 on: January 07, 2010, 04:24:16 PM »

I hope the picture will go through for you - of this Army soldier in Iraq with his tiny 'plot' of grass in front of his tent.  It's heartwarming!
Here is a soldier stationed in Iraq , stationed in a big sand box. He asked his wife to send him dirt ( U.S. soil), fertilizer, and some grass seed so that he can have the sweet aroma, and feel the grass grow beneath his feet When the men of the squadron have a mission that they are going on, they take turns walking through the grass and the American soil -- to bring them good luck.

Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #593 on: January 07, 2010, 05:13:41 PM »

Nice story and picture!
Logged

May
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 107


View Profile
« Reply #594 on: January 08, 2010, 12:28:09 PM »

Hi my funny sister,
HAPPY NEW 2010 IN JESUS NAME
nice picture & story
I'm impressed by the way you expressed yourself by pictures
May God bless you & be happy
Sister May
Logged
HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #595 on: January 09, 2010, 08:04:26 AM »

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses...  She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"  The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know.  I'll come up and see."  She starts up the stairs and pauses "Wa s I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.  She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."  She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
      _____________________________________
 
 
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME 

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:  "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.  The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.  An officer is on the way."  A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says,  "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."
      _____________________________________
   
I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.  One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..." And the third man chimed in, "So am I.  Let's have a beer."
      _____________________________________
SUPERSEX       
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.  As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.."  She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
      _____________________________________
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night.  The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.  She said:  "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.  A few moments later she said:  "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said:  "Then you used to bite my Neck."  Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"
     _____________________________________
     
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.  She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"  An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_____________________________________
       
OLD FRIENDS       
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited  to meeting a few times a week to play cards.  One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..  I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.  I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.  Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
     
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"
     _____________________________________
     
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.  Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!" _____________________________________
     
DRIVING
    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
      The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light."  After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.   Again, they went right through.     The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous.  At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?  You could have killed us both!"
      Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"             
     
Please !!!!               
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME

Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #596 on: January 09, 2010, 11:18:02 PM »

Quote
OLD FRIENDS       
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited  to meeting a few times a week to play cards.  One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..  I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.  I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.  Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
     
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

 Grin   Grin   ROFL! This one is my favorite.
Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #597 on: January 11, 2010, 12:41:53 PM »

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young Secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed.

He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and
feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few
half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain
rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; leaning &mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during
which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to
replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming
over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid
quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and
eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had
to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told
her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that
she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if
she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the
hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home.......including the curtain rods.


I love a happy ending, don't you?

                                   
Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 64256


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #598 on: January 11, 2010, 02:19:06 PM »

Quote
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home.......including the curtain rods.


I love a happy ending, don't you?

Logged

HisDaughter
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4751


No Condemnation in Him


View Profile
« Reply #599 on: January 18, 2010, 01:06:26 PM »

Twinkies and Root Beer

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.
         
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.
The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?
"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

-author unknown

Logged

Let us fight the good fight!
Pages: 1 ... 38 39 [40] 41 42 ... 49 Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  



More From ChristiansUnite...    About Us | Privacy Policy | | ChristiansUnite.com Site Map | Statement of Beliefs



Copyright © 1999-2025 ChristiansUnite.com. All rights reserved.
Please send your questions, comments, or bug reports to the

Powered by SMF 1.1 RC2 | SMF © 2001-2005, Lewis Media