Chicken Soup

[HisDaughter]

Taking This Day

"I would like to speak today about "taking this day". This day is given to each of you by God, and to do with what you will. It is your very own decision as to whether it will be a good day or bad. And it can truly become a source of self-fulfillment for you, when you reach the end of the day, and you can look back and see that you have accomplished something worthwhile.

"That positive 'something' then becomes a reality in your life and in your own mind. Make this a day of relaxation, or of physical work. It makes little difference to anyone else but you in this life. Try something today that takes patience, and becomes an exercise of discovering something new that will become new knowledge.

"The Creator has given you the power to do whatever pleases you, and will make you feel good on any given day. Above all, try to take a little time to praise God, and to think about the spiritualnature of yourself. Only you can make a difference in this, your day.

"If you can go about in a positive manner, God can greatly assist you in doing His will. Many times His will is simply no more than His experiencing the happiness and joy of His children. He depends on you to make a pleasant experience out of what could well be a negative mindset.

"We all need hugs and love coming from others to assure us that we are indeed lovable. First and foremost take care of yourself, and meet your own needs. Lift your voice in praise of the Father, instead of showing concern for gossip or judgment of your brothers and sisters.

"Make up your mind early in the day that you will enjoy it as a pleasant one, and do whatever you might do to bring some happiness and joy to others. The Master walks with you as your companion, so you are never alone, and you are always appreciated for your good efforts. Having such a Companion as He, how could you ever perceive yourself to be downtrodden, hopeless or depressed?

"Stand tall, straighten your shoulders, and hold your head high for God provides for you, and He enriches your life. We hope that your choice of what today will bring is the choice of happiness, clarity, and a day fulfilled with the grace of God.

"Take this day. Have a great day."

[HisDaughter]

Grandparents

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

Being a grandparent is fun and easy. After all, it's only a part-time job. ~Author Unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. ~Author Unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~Author Unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal

I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain. ~Gene Perret

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother, the next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown

Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities so that we can be friends. ~Allan Frome

Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Grandpa's have only so many horsey rides in them. ~Gene Perret

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author Unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle. ~Henry Youngman

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith

It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown

Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. ~Mary H. Waldrip

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. ~Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret

If nothing is going well, call your grandmother. ~Italian Proverb

I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids. It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left. ~Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense. ~Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~Alex Haley

Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. ~Author Unknown

On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town. ~Gene Perret

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. ~Author Unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove

It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. ~Author Unknown

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ~Erma Bombeck

My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't play my Game Boy?" ~Author Unknown

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS. ~Gene Perret

[HisDaughter]

Crabbit Old Woman


What do you see, what do you see?
Are you thinking, when you look at me~
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice,
I do wish you'd try.
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who, unresisting or not, lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding the long day is fill.
Is that what you're thinking,
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes,
nurse, you're looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who loved one another~
A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet,
A bride soon at 20~ my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At 25 now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure happy home;
A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;
At 50 once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years and the love that I've known;
I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel~
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few~ gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last~
So open your eyes, nurse, open and see,
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer~
See Me.

~Author Unknown~

[HisDaughter]

Dear Patrick

Dear Patrick,

When I was a little girl, I was an only child who had everything I could ever want. But I would get lonely once in a while so when Mom told me that she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I imagined how wonderful you would be and how we'd always be together and how much you would look like me. So, when you were born, I looked at your tiny hands and feet and marveled at how beautiful you were. We took you home and I showed you proudly to my friends.
 
When you were five months old, some things began to bother Mom. You seemed so unmoving and numb, and your cry sounded odd -- almost like a kitten's. So we brought you to many doctors. They said you have the "cry du chat" (pronounced kree-do-sha) syndrome, 'cry of the cat' in French. When I asked what that meant, he looked at me with pity and softly said, "Your brother will never walk nor talk. He is severally disabled.” Mom was shocked and I was furious. I thought it was unfair.
 
When we went home, Mom took you in her arms and cried. I looked at you and realized that word will get around that you're not normal. So to hold on to my popularity, I did the unthinkable ... I disowned you.

Mom and Dad didn't know but I forced myself not to love you as you grew. Mom and Dad showered you with love and attention and that made me bitter. And as the years passed, that bitterness turned to anger, and then hate.
 
Mom never gave up on you. She knew she had to do it for your sake. Every time she put your toys down, you'd roll instead of crawl. I watched her heart break every time she took away your toys and strapped your tummy with foam so you couldn't roll. You'd struggle and you'd cry in that pitiful way, the cry of the kitten. But she still didn't give up. And then one day, you defied what all your doctors said -- you crawled!
 
When Mom saw this, she knew that you would eventually walk. So when you were still crawling at age four, she'd put you on the grass with only your diapers on knowing that you hate the feel of the grass your skin. You would crawl to the sidewalk and Mom would put you back. Again and again, Mom repeated this on the lawn. Until one day, Mom saw you pull yourself up and toddle off the grass as fast as your little legs could carry you. Laughing and crying, she shouted for Dad and I to come. Dad hugged you crying openly. I watched from my bedroom window this heartbreaking scene.
 
Over the years, Mom taught you to speak, read and write. From then on, I would sometimes see you walk outside, smell the flowers, marvel at the birds, or just smile at no one. I began to see the beauty of the world around me, the simplicity of life and the wonders of this world, through your eyes. It was then that I realized that you were my brother and no matter how much I tried to hate you, I couldn't, because I had grown to love you.
 
During the next few years, we again became acquainted with each other. I would buy you toys and give you all the love that a sister could ever give to her brother. And you would reward me by smiling and hugging me.

From then on, you were my source of inspiration. You showed me how to love life and live life to the fullest. With your simplicity and honesty, you showed me a world full of love and caring. And you made me realize that the most important thing in this life is to continue loving without asking why or how and without setting any limit.

Thank you, my little brother, for all these wonderful gifts.
 
Your loving sister,
Sarah

-Author Unknown

[HisDaughter]

Above You

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not ever realizing that the answer is right there "Above" them.

~ Author Unknown ~

[HisDaughter]

A Cowboy in Church

One Sunday morning the congregation of a ritzy church (with vaulted ceilings, hand-carved oak pews, stained-glass windows and deep plush carpet) had a stir.

A man came in just minutes before the service was to begin and he was dressed horribly. He had on boots, overalls, a flannel shirt, and a cowboy hat.

The congregation was aghast! Many quickly sent notes to the minister about this concern. At the end of the service, the minister greeted the humbly dressed man and asked him if he enjoyed the service.

The man exclaimed that he enjoyed it very much. The minister asked the man to consider possibly dressing differently, and told him to pray to Jesus about how he would have him dress if he should return again.

The next week the man returned. He was dressed the same and once again the congregation was disturbed. At the end of the service, the minister greeted the man again and asked him what he had been told by Jesus concerning how to dress for church.

The man exclaimed, "I spoke with Jesus about this, but Jesus said He didn't know how I should dress for this church because He has never been here."

~ Author Unknown ~

I don't know how all of you feel and it really doesn't matter, but I will share my 3 criteria for a church that I will attend...

1. The pastor must be "real".  By that I mean he admits his own faults and failings.
2. The pastor will not insist that he be believed but will tell me to look it up for myself.
3. That I be allowed to "come as I am"... in my blue jeans!

[HisDaughter]

Angels in the Alley

Diane,a young Christian university student, was home for the summer. She had gone to visit some friends one evening and the time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than she had planned and had to walk home alone. But she wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the paper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley, just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery, and asked if there was anything they could do for her, she asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Moral of the story? Don't underestimate the power of "Prayer"!

~ Author Unknown ~

[HisDaughter]

A Love Story

One day, I woke early in the morning to watch the sunrise. Ah, the beauty of God's creation is beyond description. As I watched, I praised God for His beautiful work. As I sat there, I felt the Lord's presence with me.

He asked me,


"Do you love me?"


I answered, "Of course, God! You are my Lord and Saviour!"

Then He asked,


"If you were physically handicapped, would you still love me?"


I was perplexed. I looked down upon my arms, legs and the rest of my body and wondered how many things I wouldn't be able to do, the things that I took for granted. And I answered, "It would be tough, Lord, but I would still love You."

Then the Lord said,


"If you were blind, would you still love my creation?"


How could I love something without being able to see it? Then I thought of all the blind people in the world and how many of them still loved God and His creation. So I answered, "It's hard to think of it, but I would still love you."

The Lord then asked me,


"If you were deaf, would you still listen to My Word?"


How could I listen to anything being deaf? Then I understood. Listening to God's Word is not merely using our ears, but our hearts. I answered, "It would be tough, but I would still listen to Your Word."

The Lord then asked,


"If you were mute, would you still praise My Name?"


How could I praise without a voice? Then it occurred to me: God wants us to sing from our very heart and soul. It never matters what we sound like. And praising God is not always with a song, but when we are persecuted, we give God praise with our words of thanks. So I answered, "Though I could not physically sing, I would still praise Your Name."

And the Lord asked,


"Do you really love Me?"


With courage and a strong conviction, I answered boldly, "Yes Lord! I love You because You are the one and true God!"

I thought I had answered well, but...

God asked,


"Then Why Do You Sin?"


I answered, "Because I am only human. I am not perfect."


"Then why in times of peace do you stray the furthest?
Why only in times of trouble do you pray in earnest?"

No answers. Only tears.

The Lord continued:


"Why only sing at fellowships and retreats?
Why seek Me only in times of worship?
Why ask things so selfishly?
Why ask things so unfaithfully?"

The tears continued to roll down my cheeks.


"Why are you ashamed of Me?

Why are you not spreading the Good News?
Why in times of persecution do you cry to others
when offered My shoulder to cry on?
Why make excuses
when I give you opportunities to serve in My Name?"

I tried to answer, but there was no answer to give.


"You are blessed with life.
I made you not to throw this gift away.
I have blessed you with talents to serve Me,
but you continue to turn away.
I have revealed My Word to you,
but you do not gain in knowledge.
I have spoken to you but your ears were closed.
I have shown My blessings to you,
but your eyes were turned away.
I have sent you servants,
but you sat idly by as they were pushed away.
I have heard your prayers and I have answered them all.

Do You Truly Love Me?"


I could not answer. How could I? I was embarrassed beyond belief. I had no excuse. What could I say to this? When my heart had cried out and the tears had flowed, I said, "Please forgive me, Lord. I am unworthy to be Your child."

The Lord answered,


"That is My Grace, My Child."


I asked, "Then why do you continue to forgive me? Why do You love me so?"

The Lord answered,


"Because you are My Creation.
You are my Child.
I will never abandon you.

When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you.
When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you.
When you are down, I will encourage you.
When you fall, I will raise you up.
When you are tired, I will carry you.
I will be with you till the end of days,
and I will love you forever."


Never had I cried so hard before. How could I have been so cold? How could I have hurt God as I had done? I asked God, "How much do You love me?"

The Lord stretched out His arms, and I saw His nail-pierced hands.

I bowed down at the feet of Christ, my Saviour. And for the first time, I truly prayed.

~Unknown~

[HisDaughter]

Arnold Palmer

A sports writer was invited for dinner at the residence of golfing legend Arnold Palmer. He arrived a bit early and Mrs. Palmer met him, invited him in, and said her husband would be down in a moment.

The writer asked if, while he was waiting, he could see Palmer's trophy room. She replied, "Oh, we don't have such a room." That night, the writer asked the golf pro why he didn't have all his trophies on display -- over 90 tour victories, a number of them major tournaments.

Palmer looked the columnist right in the eye and replied, "For what? That's yesterday's news!"

Then he explained: "I have enjoyed every victory and cherished the memories. I have celebrated those tournaments. But come Monday morning of the next week, I'm no different from the man who missed the cut last week. In fact, he is probably more hungry for a victory than I. So if I am to be competitively ready, I must get my thoughts off yesterday and deal with today. There will be a day when I can take the time to look back. But as long as I want to stay competitive, I must never stop and marvel at what I have accomplished, only look forward to my next challenge at hand."

[HisDaughter]

The Grandma Test

I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my Granddaughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied.   At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly. 'All Grandmas know this stuff.  It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma.'  We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. 'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa'. 
'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.

unknown

[HisDaughter]

A Quarter

Several years ago a preacher moved to Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, "You better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it." Then he thought, "Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway the bus company already gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a gift from the Lord and keep quiet."

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, "Here, you gave me too much change".

The driver with a smile, replied, "Aren't you the new preacher in town? I have been thinking lately about going to worship somewhere. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change."

When my friend stepped off the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, and held on, and said, "Oh, Lord, I almost sold your Son for a quarter."

~ Author Unknown ~

[HisDaughter]

WORRY

Is there a magic cut off period when
offspring become accountable for their own
actions?  Is there a wonderful moment when
parents can become detached spectators in
the lives of their children and shrug, 'It's
their life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
stitches in my daughter's head.  I asked, 'When do
you stop worrying?'  The nurse said,
'When they get out of the accident stage'.  My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making
license plates.  As if to read my mind, a teacher
said, 'Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and
enjoy them.'  My dad just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime,
waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
home, the front door to open.  A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves.  Don't worry.
In a few years, you can stop worrying.  They'll be
adults'.  My dad just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

By the time I was 50 , I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable.  I was still worrying over my
children, but there was a new wrinkle.  There
was nothing I could do about it.  My
dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.  I
continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I
could stop worrying and lead my own
life.  I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my dad's warm smile and his
occasional,  'You look pale.  Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home.  Are
you depressed about something'?

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
lifetime of worry?  Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
human frailties and the fears of the
unknown?  Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, 'Where were you?  I've been
calling for 3 days, and no one answered.  I was worried'.

I smiled a warm smile.

[HisDaughter]

A Thanksgiving Poem

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
He sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I just had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me the horror of..............Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three.
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" Mike said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."
Well, the rest of words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
I watched as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they champed and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming........"

[HisDaughter]

ASAP

Ever wonder about the abbreviation ASAP?

Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way.



There's work to do,
deadlines to meet;
you've got no time to spare,
But as you hurry and scurry
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer

In the midst of family chaos,
Quality time is rare.
Do your best;
Let God do the rest
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer

It may seem like your worries
are more than you can bear.
Slow down and take a breather
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer

God knows how stressful life is;
He wants to ease our cares,
And He'll respond to all your needs
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer

~ Author Unknown ~

[HisDaughter]

A Subtle Reminder


1. "Let's Meet At My House Sabbath Before the Game" - God

2. "C'mon Over And Bring The Kids" - God

3. "What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand?" - God

4. "We Need To Talk" - God

5. "Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer" - God

6. "Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage" - God

7. "That "Love Thy Neighbor" Thing, I Meant It." - God

8. "I Love You...I Love You...I Love You..." - God

9. "Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place?" - God

10. "Follow Me." - God

11. "Big Bang Theory, You've Got To Be Kidding." - God

12. "My Way Is The Highway." - God

13. "Need Directions?" - God

14. "You Think It's Hot Here?" - God

15. "Tell The Kids I Love Them." - God

16. "Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available." - God

17. "Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test." - God

Get the Message?