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December 16, 2017, 07:52:02 AM

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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
277996 Posts in 26524 Topics by 3790 Members
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| |-+  Laughter (Good Medicine) (Moderator: admin)
| | |-+  Speaking of Ambiguity
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Author Topic: Speaking of Ambiguity  (Read 1401 times)
ibTina
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« on: August 31, 2007, 09:09:54 AM »

PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY...

1.    DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2.    ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3.     ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4.    IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5.    I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6.    WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7.    IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8.    IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, 
        IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9.   IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10.   WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL"?

11.   WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

12.   IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13.   WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14.   WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL
        CLEAN THEM?

15.   IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16.   CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17.   IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18.   WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

19.   HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

20.   WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

21.   ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

22.   DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

23.   HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

24.   IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

25.   IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

26.   IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

27.   WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

28.   WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

29.   WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT THEM?

30.   WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

31.   IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

32.   CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
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airIam2worship
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« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2007, 09:42:43 AM »

LOL I needed that laugh!!
Especially number 14. Some don't even have TP.  Grin
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PS 91:2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust
Brother Jerry
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« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2007, 12:21:37 PM »

I just could not stop laughing...that was hilarious
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Sincerely
Brother Jerry

------
I am like most fathers.  I, like most, want more for my children than I have.

I am unlike most fathers.  What I would like my children to have more of is crowns to lay at Jesus feet.
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