Who I am in Christ?

[Brother Jerry]

Pastor R

That was a wonderful story and thank you for sharing that.  I had never heard it before and will be using it

Music Lover

Roger has already touched on a couple of things before he had to scoot out. 

Yes, I understand what you are saying, it is not I but God who does the work of forgiveness through Jesus Christ, but it is still hard for me mentally to not only understand the concept but deal with the shame and lack of trust in myself and to some degree Jesus

Let me tell you a little about me and some of my life.  I never knew my father, he died before I was born.  And my mother married my step-father when I was like 4, so as far as I was concerned he was Dad.  When I was 10 he made something perfectly clear and forever altered our relationship.  He said "Jerry, I hate you and I hate the way you do things."  What was once love and respect was immediately turned to hate and loathing. 

I avoided him from that time on.  In high school I fell in love with this girl, as only high schoolers go.  She was a sweet girl who was the daughter of an ordained bible scholar.  She went to church every weekend and was faithful to God and everything.  Well we went out for a couple of years.  She helped guide me to Jesus and forgiving my step father. 

That was very hard for me to do.  My focusing on the hatred I had for this man was a strong dominating factor in my life.  But when I had asked for Jesus to come into my life I can remember the conversation well (yes it was like a conversation). 
"Jerry in order for me to come into your life you must first let go of the past, and let go of that which dominates you, forgive your step father."
"How can I do that?"
"Let the past be the past.  You can do nothing about it.  The past is what makes you who you are today as well as who you will be tomorrow."
"Yes but Jesus, he will be here tomorrow as well"
"Do not worry about what others may think or do.  Only worry about what you will do.  You cannot change other people, only I can.  Leave your worries about them in my hands. 

I cried and and realized that Jesus was right.  There is nothing I can do to change what has happened in the past.  There is nothing I can do to change what people do.  The only way that I can possibly change people is by them seeing me and how I live.  So if I lived like a slob then they will see a slob.  So I now had to quit living as if my step father hated me and just live like my Father said he loved me.

There was forgiveness to my step father.  Once I realized that nothing I could do was able to change the past it started to get easier to forgive him for what he did and how he acted.  I learned more of God and the ways of Christ and it also became clearer why he did the things that he did.  And I forgave him more and more.  Now I can actually look back and remember some of the good times that I had.

Forgiveness is the easy thing when I look back.  It was easy to set in my heart that I wanted to forgive my step father.  Forgetting and moving on was the harder part.  Something would come up and I would start to get angry at him again...or old feelings would come back.  No one said it was easy to get through that.  And Satan will try and keep that going.  That is the part that takes a while and takes constant prayer and dedication to Christ to overcome.

You do have friends and yes even family here that is here to help with guidance and prayer.  And more importantly you have a Father that has always been there and always will be there for you.

[Soldier4Christ]

You do have friends and yes even family here that is here to help with guidance and prayer.  And more importantly you have a Father that has always been there and always will be there for you.

Amen and Amen!

[musicllover]

Pastor,

I can see the confusion that you are dealing with, because you say that to some degree lack trust in Jesus and then later say that you do doubt all that God has done or will do. If there is no doubt in God then there should be no lack of trust in God.

Yes there is some confusions involved, but I do want to say that I do trust Jesus to see me through this, but there is a some questions that are as old as the earth itself that simply have no answers. Not that I expect anyone to be able to tell me, but, why does God allow such things to happen? Fallen man, satan roams the earth seeking those who he may devour, to steal kill and destroy, .... Still I don't find alot of comfort in them. I don't blame Jesus, and know he is my healer, but I just can't help the nagging questions.

The things that we go through even those that are negative are the things that mold us into who we are. Even the negative can be turned into positive by God. (i.e the ex-homosexual that is now witnessing to and helping homosexuals out of their life of sin.)

I hate how my past had anything to do with who I am today the negatives do affect me mostly because I haven't yet found any positives. Something has literally died on the inside of me. Still some part of me holds on to a fragment of what I understood too, Jesus was my King, but WHY what is all this about. So, Yes I guess I am confused about many things. No God doesn't promise us an easy life but good grief how much am I expected to endure. I had given my life to Jesus, prayed, and read daily, leader of a worship team, I believed and loved Jesus, I wanted him to help me with all this. Then even more of  life issues came against me, and stress killed me, a husband who doesn't seem to love me, rebellious teenagers drugs and trouble with the law, financial problems. My middle daughter was abused and her abuser was tried but acquitted. Then the monster from my past came back to life full force, and I had a mental break down. Eventually I stopped attending church, and have had no fellowship with Christians in the last four or five years. Yes I agree,this battle begins in pray... but I am broken, what or how do I pray. My marriage is still a mess, I have no life partner or someone to talk too, financial ruin, kids are getting older and thankfully wiser.... I had a mental break down not only physically, but in my home, and spiritually as well. I throw myself into my classes, I just finished four years of college and feel great about that, God did see me through these last four years, he hasn't forgotten me, but I want my relationship that I had with Jesus back only better. I want the negatives turned to positives but I feel like a baby kitten with no strength to stand. I am committed to finding my way back to Jesus.  I am studying the word, praying and singing. I hope to find what it is that God is trying to call me too. Possibly a ministry helping other rape survivors, I don't know yet. I must understand how God fits into all this. Get back where God can use me again.  

Realizing our sinful past and being ashamed of it is what brings us humbly to the Lord. Let me say here that you speak of abuse. We are not held accountable for the sinful acts of others that we had no control over. Yes, we should forgive those individuals as hard as it may be. This is a part of turning it over to the Lord for we maybe too weak to do so on our own. As the Lord says, when we are weak He is strong. This is when we realize the need for Him.

This is a normal response for someone that has suffered abuse at the hands of others. It is something that does need to be given over to the Lord. Difficult? Yes. The human nature in us continues to battle against this. This, too, is realizing the need for God as we are not capable to do so on our own.

I agree, letting God have the control and about forgiving my abusers, it is a day by day thing, I have my good days and my bad. Some of what I deal with affects many survivors of abuse, stopping the old recordings, there is a certain amount of brain washing that happens to victims of abuse. I know this but it doesn't stop the old self from saying well if you hadn't, or if you had. I trusted and loved ...I was told over and over it was OK, to trust.... and I did! The adult self wonders what in the world, WHY did I trust them. STUPID STUPID, it hard to stop that merry go round once it begins.  I then worry is any of this true, I went for years hiding the past that I am unsure of just what I do remember?  What a mess. What can God do with a mind and heart like this? No I am NOT capable of doing this alone, I come to the throne room, I beg for forgiveness, and ask for mercy even as I still don't understand all this.

I would really like to respond to more of your post but I need to get running. It is a busy day for me but know that I am and will be praying for you in this matter, that the Lord will help you in dealing with these things.

 

Thank you, I am learning so much from all the responses, at least I am reminded of all that I once believed. I still sound as though I am disagreeing but there is much I have to lay out on the table. I feel kinda bad too, I don't want to take up anyone time, or use this as a therapy session, I haven't discussed this with anyone for a long time. I have been very humbled by all the care I feel here, I want to get past this, but I also want to do in God timing. I pray God be glorified through each post.

[musicllover]

Hello Musicllover,

First, please know that we will all continue to pray for you.

I think that Pastor Roger has already hit the nail on the head. Pray for forgiveness and know that the Blood of JESUS on the CROSS is more than enough. Let GOD clear your conscience and know that HE will wash you white as snow. Pray for guidance, pray some more, and wait on the LORD. In the meantime, study HIS WORD, worship, praise HIM, and thank HIM. There doesn't need to be any hurry. Know that HE is able and HE has already made you worthy. Start slowly putting things together and wait on the LORD to help you and guide you. I think that forgiveness is the first key issue. The easiest part will be the absolute knowledge that you will be and have been forgiven. The hard part will be you forgiving others, but GOD is with you. Take all the time you need with GOD and go one step at a time with HIM. Remember that you can approach the Throne of Grace 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so pray and pray some more.

Love In Christ,
Tom

1 Peter 1:3 NASB  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Tom,
       I feel very humbled when I read all that everyone has to say I wonder why I am struggling so badly. It is simply giving it to God, but I fight the sinful nature of man, not good enough, or I am perverted, I can't understanding how to let it go.  Man is the one who makes it difficult.  I feel embarrassed too, but I long for the fellowship.

I had to cut this short earlier to go pick up my computer, so I am back, feels nice to have my old computer back and in my own office area I can think and pray better in here. 

I have seen the debates on forgiveness, and it seems like a 10 headed monster, everyone has an opinion. I believe God will honor my efforts to forgive the people who abused me. I begun working on the forgiveness many years ago, and at times believe I have but then something come up an old memory or I happen to see one of them and wish a truck would run him over. I know I need to work a little more.  I think the hardest part is knowing God can forgive them too, I wouldn't want it any other way or it would nullify what Jesus did on the cross. But its hard knowing if an child molester asks for forgiveness he or she receives it.

Still, what of their victims? It leave those who have been abused to deal with the lasting affects. I wish sometimes my abusers would ask me for forgiveness, I honestly believe if they would have ever admitted to their wrong, it would be much easier to forgive, and it would validate me and help me stop second guessing myself all the time. I did have the opportunity when a women who was involved in my abuse came to me during a special service at church. I had went forward needing prayer, the minister took me aside and prayed for purity, without having known my past. Following the service, she came to me, she didn't say a word, she just hugged me, but I knew what she wanted, and I was able to give her the forgiveness she needed, mostly becuase I knew she was a vicitim too, she lived with these men they were her brothers. 

I will continue in my prayers and keep seeking for the right direction, sometime and I pray that it would be soon I can come to an understanding of all this. But I will wait on the Lord.

Thank you for listening and praying and giving me advice and direction. God bless you, and everyone else who is praying me through this.

[Soldier4Christ]

Thank you, I am learning so much from all the responses, at least I am reminded of all that I once believed. I still sound as though I am disagreeing but there is much I have to lay out on the table. I feel kinda bad too, I don't want to take up anyone time, or use this as a therapy session, I haven't discussed this with anyone for a long time. I have been very humbled by all the care I feel here, I want to get past this, but I also want to do in God timing. I pray God be glorified through each post.

Sister, do not feel guilty about "taking up anyones time". It is the Lord's time and if it helps you in anyway with your walk with the Lord then it is all well worth it. Only the Lord knows for sure but perhaps this very thread will help others that are having a similar difficulty. It is not always for us to know what our work in the Lord is. Sometimes He uses us in ways that we do not suspect nor will ever know but rest assured that He does use all that has happened to us for a positive way for Him.

Not that I expect anyone to be able to tell me, but, why does God allow such things to happen? Fallen man, satan roams the earth seeking those who he may devour, to steal kill and destroy, .... Still I don't find alot of comfort in them. I don't blame Jesus, and know he is my healer, but I just can't help the nagging questions.

This is actually easier than it may seem. God wants those to worship Him that will do so willingly not of a forced nature. You know the rest of the story as to what mankind did and is doing with that choice.

I hate how my past had anything to do with who I am today the negatives do affect me mostly because I haven't yet found any positives.

The main positive is that you came to know that you need God. That is one of the first steps toward Salvation and it is one that many never accept.

[Faithin1]

These are absolutely beautiful!  Thank you all for posting such wonderful reminders of God's glory.  What a joy to know who we are in Christ.  To know that in spite of ourselves, He still loves us.  To know that during our lowest moments, He is always there.  To know that one day we will be with Him for eternity. 

Thank you Jesus, for your gift of salvation, and for your eternal love.  Sinners, saved by the grace of God.

[Donna]

I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me. Thank you so much for this portion of your forum. How I needed to read these words and to know how I have been protected from something that would have destroyed my testimony. I wish I would have read this before I sent my last post. All that I am in Christ is life to me and I want to learn more. Thank you all I will be reading as much as I can in this forum.

[musicllover]

I just made a copy of the scriptures at the beginning of the thread. I plan on using those during my quiet times as well. I am slowing gaining some of my old confidence back, as I read and pray each morning I know the Lord is with me, and helping me. I know this is not a process that I can do over night, (althought the Lord could make that happen too). I want to be able to give this all to God someday, and understand what I am to do with this nagging of the Holy Spirit that I am feeling. I have been studying the book of John, and will share the scriptures that I feel have spoken to me sometime this week.

I thank everyone for their prayers.

[Brother Jerry]

Musiclover

I am glad to hear that you are gaining encouragement in your prayers and time with the Lord.  Yes He could make it happen in an instant...but then that is a topic for a different debate that deals with forcing belief and things like that 

I will continue to pray for you.

[nChrist]

Hello Musicllover,

I sincerely believe that the additional time is for us - time to help us grow in the strength and maturity of CHRIST. I know that we don't enjoy trials and times of trouble, but they really do help us to grow into the people GOD wants us to be in CHRIST.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[musicllover]

I wanted to sent a quick response to everyone, this family is under attack. I know it is because I am fighting to find who I am in Christ and what it is that is nagging me. Since my last post I haven't been able to do any reading or very little prayer, although there is a silent prayer on my lips all the time.

Thursday of last week, my daughter had a major family problem and the law was called. She and her boyfriend are not married but live together and was planning a wedding. They have  a 13 month old and his father was trying to leave her and take the baby, she came home with the baby for a few days, but moved back to his house yesterday. I wanted her to stay home but she has his child, she believe in God's eyes they are married and she is trying to work things out with the father.

Because of that situation my son was kicked out (he lived there too, and the baby's father kicked him out for defending his sister) so he came back home too.

My second daughter has fought depression for a while is all of a sudden on a very slippery slope, major depression, tears, anger, and frustration.... I have called our doctor and she will she her tomorrow, I have also called the mental health center for an appt, she is spiralling down hill. I know that path I've been on it, so I am rushing to get her some help. 

My oldest boy just received word that he may go to the prison for non child support payments, even though his ex wife filed with his SS number and W-2's and received all the income tax that year.

When my youngest daughter doesn't appear under attack she hides in her room or stays at her grandma's to keep out of this mess.

I know where this attack comes from and I know why. I believe it is because I am fighting to regain my own spiritual footing so the devil is attacking my family. PLEASE PRAY for us. I will get back in the word and battle too, but like moses I am weak and need all your assistance and agreement in prayer. I will post this same letter on the prayer request board as well.

Jesus is Lord, even over all this.
musicllover

[Brother Jerry]

You and your family are in my prayer book and each morning and evening I review who I have and pray for them.

I will take the time now to pray again.  ML know that we are praying for you and for your family.

[Maryjane]

Who I am in Christ is thankful...so thankful that He loves me and would give His life for me when there was a time I would not give a cent for my life..I can stand even when it gets tough knowing that this will pass away, but His promise is eternal...I don't know everything but I do know the Lord and I know that He has not promised me a life without trials and tribulation...but through those trials and tribulations, there is peace with every opportunity He gives me to trust Him more... Though He slay me..I will trust Him and know I will see Him and that when my life on this earth is done..all I want to hear is "Well done"..When I read His word...it illuminates me and gives me what I need to endure whatever comes my way... and to me being in Christ is who I am..In Christ..covered by His blood and Satan cannot go past the blood of Jesus for it is posted across me...From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed all I can say is Thank You...

[nChrist]

Amen MaryJane!

As Children of the KING OF KINGS, we must always know that we weren't designed for this life and this world, rather for Heaven and Eternity with JESUS CHRIST.

Is this short life all there is? NO!  It's like a grain of sand compared to the beach.

For people without CHRIST and bound for hell, this short life is a high point in existence. The OPPOSITE is true for those of us who belong to JESUS CHRIST. We just need to remember there is a purpose for us being here a short period of time, BUT this world isn't our home. There are many good reasons why we are here as Christians, and they all boil down to GOD'S Will and purpose for each one of us. So as Christians, our best times in this short life are when we yield to GOD'S Will and want HIM to work in and through us for HIS Purposes.

Regardless, Children of the KING OF KINGS should always remember that we aren't HOME yet. We are like visitors in a foreign land just passing through. BUT, we do have a worthy Purpose while we are here - GOD'S Purpose.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Brother Jerry]

I was just going over some old study notes and ran across this one.

Genesis 8:1
And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters assuaged;

This is after the flood had started and the ark had been floating on the water.  I remember the apparent vastness of the Atlantic Ocean when I was in the Navy and crossing it.  People get lost in the seas and oceans all the time.  If you have an accident in the middle of the ocean then you will more than likely never see another boat.  There are times in our lives where we think we are on that piece of driftwood out in the middle of the ocean.  Alone and floating.  I know there have been times in my life I felt that way.  Now imagine the world flooded with no land at all because it is all underwater.  The vastness of a global flood.

Even though Noah had his family with him I am sure there were times when he had doubts.  Wondering if God were to ever pull them out of it.  Looking out over the water everywhere and wondering if they were ever going to get out of this.

Notice that it starts with God remembered Noah.  In the midst of all the water upon the earth God remembered that little ark and it's inhabitants.  God remembers all and upholds His promises to all. 

Leviticus 26:45 "But I will for their sakes remember the covenant of their ancestors..." God is speaking and talking of how Israel has abandoned God.  And that even while Israel is in the enemies hands that God will not destroy them or anything of that nature.  God will honor his covenant even if we do not uphold our part of the bargain.  Our salvation is the same.  God has asked that we live a righteous life subjected to Him, He has asked that we go out and win souls for Christ.  We are directed to do many things with our salvation and shown how to let Jesus rule in our lives.  But many do not, they were given the salvation of Jesus and will walk on the golden streets of Heaven, but they are not upholding their end of the bargain.  But God will not forsake his covenants and promises.  He will not strip them of their salvation.

When I start to stumble and fall I often lose sight of Jesus.  I know when I was under Satans grasp as a Christian I would often ponder my situation and wonder why God is not getting me out of this.  I would be like God if you want me out of this then why do you not do ....?  Which is mans way of blaming God for the situations we created.  When I finally realized that I was not turning it over to God and that I was continuing to try and correct things myself then I also realized that God had not abandoned me.  He was there all along and trying to help me out.  But it was not the help that I thought it should be.  I was wrong.  And God showed me all the ways He tried to help out.  God let me know that He remembered me.  That even when we think we are in a sea of endless water with no hope of survival that He remembers us.  And that He is right there with us trying to help if we would only listen.