2008 Political Jokes Here!

[HisDaughter]

Hillary in Heaven

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

  I love it when I can laugh out loud even when there is no one here to hear me!  I'm taking that one to work today!

[HisDaughter]

1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a lifeline.

Then this makes Ron Paul the top candidate! 

[HisDaughter]

No Great Loss

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

Oh my!  I'm holding my sides here this morning!

[Soldier4Christ]

Then this makes Ron Paul the top candidate! 

Even with a lifeline he's still sinking. (glub glub)

[Shammu]

Even with a lifeline he's still sinking. (glub glub)

How about .

[Jon-Marc]

       ROFL! - These are great, and I needed the laughs.

By the way, I think I'd like to be on that train approaching the tunnel with Clinton. I'm thinking about tar and feathers for him. The rest of them might be due for the same soon.

How about just throwing him off the train?

[HisDaughter]

President Bill Clinton visits Pearly Gates


President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"It's me, Bill Clinton".

"What bad things did you do on Earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn't hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' Don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering but don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

[Shammu]

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' Don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering but don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

[Soldier4Christ]

[HisDaughter]

I just took a test on another website that carries Political jokes, cartoons, etc
The test was supposed to tell me if I was a Democrat or a Republican.
Here is what it said when I finished:

Your score is 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a devoted Republican. You tend to walk in lockstep with the party, even if you have not agreed with every decision Republican leaders have made. The few differences you have are nothing compared to your complete and utter disdain for the Democratic Party and the elitism, cowardice, and godlessness for which it stands.    

[HisDaughter]

[Shammu]

I just took a test on another website that carries Political jokes, cartoons, etc
The test was supposed to tell me if I was a Democrat or a Republican.
Here is what it said when I finished:

Your score is 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a devoted Republican. You tend to walk in lockstep with the party, even if you have not agreed with every decision Republican leaders have made. The few differences you have are nothing compared to your complete and utter disdain for the Democratic Party and the elitism, cowardice, and godlessness for which it stands.    

Well I found the test, you took grammy.

Hey, I liked the quiz... here's my score and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know:

Your score is 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Republican loyalist You remain fiercely dedicated to fighting the twin evils of terrorism and liberalism, and you'd walk across a field of land mines if it meant casting a deciding vote for a Republican president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Democratic Party and every elitist, French-loving, religion-mocking, America-hating, terrorist-appeasing ideal for which it stands.

[HisDaughter]

Well I found the test, you took grammy.

Hey, I liked the quiz... here's my score and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know:

Your score is 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Republican loyalist You remain fiercely dedicated to fighting the twin evils of terrorism and liberalism, and you'd walk across a field of land mines if it meant casting a deciding vote for a Republican president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Democratic Party and every elitist, French-loving, religion-mocking, America-hating, terrorist-appeasing ideal for which it stands.

Hey!  That sounds just like the DreamWeaver we all know and love!
God Bless America!!

[Soldier4Christ]

Well I found the test, you took grammy.

Hey, I liked the quiz... here's my score and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know:

Your score is 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Republican loyalist You remain fiercely dedicated to fighting the twin evils of terrorism and liberalism, and you'd walk across a field of land mines if it meant casting a deciding vote for a Republican president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Democratic Party and every elitist, French-loving, religion-mocking, America-hating, terrorist-appeasing ideal for which it stands.

I got the same statement but my score was 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.   

(I think the results must have been rigged. I would go around the land mine field or destroy it before crossing.)   

[Shammu]

"I don't know if you heard this or not but Fred Thompson has dropped out of the presidential race. Don't worry about Fred, he can always go back to his prestigious fake law firm. ... Fred spent all day packing the bags under his eyes." --David Letterman
~~~~~~~~

"Florida is the big one for the Republicans. In fact, Florida is the first state where Rudy Giuliani is seriously campaigning. See, for Giuliani, primaries are kind of like marriages. The first two or three don't really count." --Jay Leno
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"Mitt Romney was marching in a Martin Luther King Day parade and made a valiant effort to reach across cultures and connect with African-Americans [on screen: Romney asking a group of black children 'Who let the dogs out, whoo whoo!']. This courageous attempt to communicate across cultures has many pundits asking the question 'Is Mitt Romney retarded?'" --Stephen Colbert
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"Congratulations to Mitt Romney, he was the big winner in the Michigan primary. His dad used to be governor there, which I think is an inspiration. It proves in America that you don't have to be the wife of a former president to win, sometimes you can just be the son of a governor." --Jay Leno
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"I looks like the Democratic field really starting to get narrowed down. For Democrats, it's going to be Barack Obama versus Hillary. So, it's a black man or a white woman. You know, this is the same decision Michael Jackson has to make every morning of his life." --Jay Leno