2008 Political Jokes Here!

[Shammu]

Thanks brother. Now you can.   

[Shammu]

It's been a while so........................

Them Dems will not like this one...........

Hillary Clinton called Bill  into her office one day and said, 'Bill,  I have a great idea!  I know how  we can win back middle America and secure  my presidential victory in 2008'.
 
'Great, but how do you propose we go  about that, asked Bill?  Well, Hillary responded, we'll go down to a  local Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes  and shoes like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop at the pound and   pick up a Labrador.
 
When we look the part we'll go to a nice  old country bar in middle America, and we'll show them that we really enjoy the Countryside and show admiration and  respect for the hard working people living  there".
 
A few days later, all  decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking  for.

With dog in tow they  walk into the bar.  They stepped up to  the bar,the Bartender took a step back  and said, " aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton ?" Hillary answered, "yes we are,  and what a lovely town you have here. We were  just passing through and  Bill suggested that we stop and take  in some local color."
 
They then  ordered a couple of cocktails from the  bartender and proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
 
All  of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He  walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail  and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders  and walked out the door.  A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He  walked up to the dog, lifted its tail,  looked underneath, scratched his head and  then left the bar.
 
Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted  the dog's tail, and went away looking  puzzled.

Eventually Hillary and  Bill  could stand it no longer and  called the bartender over.   'Tell  me' said Hillary, 'why did all those old  farmers come in and  look under the dog's tail like that?  Is it some sort of old custom?'  'Good grief no,'  said the bartender.  'Its just that someone has told them that there was a  Labrador in this bar with two  buttheads.

[HisDaughter]

It's been a while so........................

Them Dems will not like this one...........

Hillary Clinton called Bill  into her office one day and said, 'Bill,  I have a great idea!  I know how  we can win back middle America and secure  my presidential victory in 2008'.
 
'Great, but how do you propose we go  about that, asked Bill?  Well, Hillary responded, we'll go down to a  local Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes  and shoes like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop at the pound and   pick up a Labrador.
 
When we look the part we'll go to a nice  old country bar in middle America, and we'll show them that we really enjoy the Countryside and show admiration and  respect for the hard working people living  there".
 
A few days later, all  decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking  for.

With dog in tow they  walk into the bar.  They stepped up to  the bar,the Bartender took a step back  and said, " aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton ?" Hillary answered, "yes we are,  and what a lovely town you have here. We were  just passing through and  Bill suggested that we stop and take  in some local color."
 
They then  ordered a couple of cocktails from the  bartender and proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
 
All  of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He  walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail  and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders  and walked out the door.  A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He  walked up to the dog, lifted its tail,  looked underneath, scratched his head and  then left the bar.
 
Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted  the dog's tail, and went away looking  puzzled.

Eventually Hillary and  Bill  could stand it no longer and  called the bartender over.   'Tell  me' said Hillary, 'why did all those old  farmers come in and  look under the dog's tail like that?  Is it some sort of old custom?'  'Good grief no,'  said the bartender.  'Its just that someone has told them that there was a  Labrador in this bar with two  buttheads.

This is a "Hillbilly"! 

[Soldier4Christ]

[Shammu]

[Soldier4Christ]

Now when somebody calls me a hillbilly I'm going to be insulted.   

[nChrist]

This is a "Hillbilly"! 

    

All I want to know is what side is Bill and what side is Hillary? I've never been able to tell the difference between the two of them anyway, except that one has a higher voice.

[Shammu]

   

All I want to know is what side is Bill and what side is Hillary? I've never been able to tell the difference between the two of them anyway, except that one has a higher voice.

I believe the right side is Hellary, and the left side Billy-boy.

[Shammu]

Now when somebody calls me a hillbilly I'm going to be insulted.   

 


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Now just to add insult to injury...... hillbilly

[Shammu]

Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified

10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing".

8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy".

7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.

6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.

5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"

4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?"

3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.

2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"

1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a lifeline.

[Shammu]

No Great Loss

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

[Shammu]

Hillary in Heaven

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

[Shammu]

Signs Hillary Clinton Does Not Understand New York

* Actually ate a street vendor hot dog.

* Sees Statue of Liberty and asks, "Oh, is that new?"

* Believes the Mets can take it all the way this year.

* Gave speech to Hasidic Jews in which she promised to "fight for the rights of you Amish folk."

* Had an exploratory committee look into what an extended middle finger means.

* Keeps asking when she'll get to meet Batman.

* Featured guest at her fundraisers: Reggie Miller.

* Thinks the "subway" is just some place Bill takes her for their anniversary dinner.

* Paid $25,000 for a sidewalk Rolex.

[Shammu]

Make Someone Happy

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy." 

[nChrist]

Hillary in Heaven

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

       ROFL!  THANKS! - Just what I needed this morning - a good laugh.