2008 Political Jokes Here!

[Shammu]

How do you know if a politician is telling a lie?

Their lips will be moving.

[Shammu]

A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel.

As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and said, "Sir, there is a one hour wait. And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If you please."

Intrigued, the man said, "OK."

The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered, "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc . .

The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, But thought he would try a different tack.

The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100".

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball Scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.

Again the robot asked the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out, " Uh.....'bout 50."

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e?? y-o-u-r?? p-e-o-p-l-e?? g-o-i-n-g?? t-o?? n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e?? H-i-l-l-a-r-y??"

[Shammu]

You Can Say That Again!!

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said,"Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already severaltimes that Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

[nChrist]

       ROFL! - With politics, there is no in between. It's either a laughing or a crying matter!

[nChrist]

[nChrist]

[nChrist]

[Shammu]

That being Politically Incorrect brother, but so true............

[nChrist]

[Shammu]

"Jimmy Carter called Bush and his administration the worst in history. As you know, President Bush's approval numbers have dropped as low as 28%. That's the lowest for any president since ... Jimmy Carter. So, I guess he knows what he's talking about." --Jay Leno

"Now Jimmy Carter is backtracking. He's saying his comments were misinterpreted. Yeah, I'm sure the phrase 'worst in history' can be taken any number of ways …Under President Bush, sure, we have the war in Iraq. But the young kids don't remember. Under President Carter, we had something far worse -- disco." --Jay Leno

Barack Obama recently spent two days campaigning in New Hampshire. Everywhere he went in New Hampshire, Obama was greeted with shouts of 'Go Barack!', 'Beat Hillary!', and 'Hey look! It's a black guy!'" --Conan O'Brien

[Shammu]

Homer Simpson appeared on the Late Show With David Letterman to present the "Top Ten Reasons Why I (Homer Simpson) Should Be the Next President":

10. I'm smarter than the last guy.

9. With an oval office, I can't bump into anything.

8. Fox News is already on my side.

7. I will take full advantage of the free food that comes with the job.

6. I have enormous experience apologizing for failed decisions.

5. I will appoint a Secretary of Donuts.

4. I will be the Secretary of Donuts.

3. My middle name isn't Hussein ... anymore.

2. My vice president will be Mayor McCheese.

1. Kick-butt inauguration party! Bring a six pack and you're in

[Shammu]

Acronyms for Clinton and his adminsitration

Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation

Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation

Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland

Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation's (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow

Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation

Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies

Gore: (G)ennifer's (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise

Gore: (G)reatly (O)riented to (R)adical (E)cology

Gore: (G)reat (O)ne (R)egulating (E)verything

[Shammu]

Republicans Democrats

The difference between Republicans & Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

[Faithin1]

These are great!  Thanks for the laughs.     BTW, I found the clock representing our government....

[nChrist]

Signs on the walls of the House & Senate: