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Author Topic: 2008 Political Jokes Here!  (Read 44647 times)
nChrist
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« Reply #135 on: November 04, 2008, 12:16:33 AM »

Things to do on a slow day

Start each day with a positive outlook.......... Tongue Tongue

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.

3. Fill it with useless junk.

4. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

5. Empty the Recycle Bin.

6. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama??'

7. Firmly Click 'Yes.'

8. Feel better??


GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!! Grin Grin Grin

 Grin   Grin  ROFL! - Thanks - I needed that laugh!

I think that we might want to use one of those "industrial strength" file wipers or shredders. I wouldn't want that file coming back!   YES - the thought of deleting that file DOES make me feel better!
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #136 on: November 23, 2008, 12:48:00 PM »

A travel agent for thirty years in our nation's capital has this to report:


"This is why we're in trouble! I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.


I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts. Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa." Her response.( click).


A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"


I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, No." She said, "But they look so close on the map.


An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time."


An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a. m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a. m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!


A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines normally put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.


A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"


I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."


A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!"


A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"


A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.


Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!!!!!


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« Reply #137 on: November 23, 2008, 02:44:30 PM »

I would be laughing but ....

I think it would be more fitting for that plane to be either upside down or heading straight down to the ground.

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a. m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a. m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

I wonder if that's the one that was on Obama's campaign.

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« Reply #138 on: December 03, 2008, 01:52:00 AM »

You know what would really tick off Nobama and Hellary........

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney would be President, that would really tick off the liberals!!

Then he appoints Condoleezza Rice as VP.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first BLACK President and the first WOMAN President!

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nChrist
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« Reply #139 on: December 03, 2008, 02:11:44 AM »

You know what would really tick off Nobama and Hellary........

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney would be President, that would really tick off the liberals!!

Then he appoints Condoleezza Rice as VP.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first BLACK President and the first WOMAN President!



 Grin   Grin    I like it! - GREAT IDEA!
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #140 on: December 03, 2008, 08:41:58 AM »

You know what would really tick off Nobama and Hellary........

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney would be President, that would really tick off the liberals!!

Then he appoints Condoleezza Rice as VP.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first BLACK President and the first WOMAN President!



 Grin Grin

YES!! I like it, too.

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Brother Jerry
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« Reply #141 on: December 04, 2008, 09:14:44 AM »

ROFL

That would be great....would be the first black and the first female Pres....that would be rich.
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I am unlike most fathers.  What I would like my children to have more of is crowns to lay at Jesus feet.
HisDaughter
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« Reply #142 on: December 04, 2008, 12:04:27 PM »

You know what would really tick off Nobama and Hellary........

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney would be President, that would really tick off the liberals!!

Then he appoints Condoleezza Rice as VP.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first BLACK President and the first WOMAN President!



I like the way you think!  Twisted.
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« Reply #143 on: December 04, 2008, 09:02:22 PM »

I like the way you think!  Twisted.

Sister I'm not twisted, warped a little bit but, not twisted. Grin Grin Grin Grin


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nChrist
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« Reply #144 on: December 05, 2008, 09:20:57 PM »

Sister I'm not twisted, warped a little bit but, not twisted. Grin Grin Grin Grin




 Grin   Grin

UM?  -  Maybe somewhere beyond warped, and we might have to invent another descriptor.
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« Reply #145 on: December 06, 2008, 10:42:35 AM »

Grin   Grin

UM?  -  Maybe somewhere beyond warped, and we might have to invent another descriptor.


But I learned it from you brother. Wink

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HisDaughter
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« Reply #146 on: December 27, 2008, 11:47:00 AM »

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear.  Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied.  'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble.  If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.  Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?  I must confess I don't know much about history.'
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nChrist
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« Reply #147 on: December 31, 2008, 02:12:57 PM »

 Grin   Grin    ROFL!

The above was an unfair question for Pelosi. She only went sailing once and sailed off the corner of the ocean, but she made it back.   Cry
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