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Author Topic: 2008 Political Jokes Here!  (Read 45060 times)
Shammu
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« Reply #120 on: September 04, 2008, 08:29:25 PM »

Okay, I can't help it, here are a few jokes on Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin......................

Sarah Palin is so tough, she wears polar bear fur when it’s 40 below outside… while the polar bear is still alive.

Sarah Palin is so tough…she digs for oil with her bare hands and doesn’t ruin her manicure!

I once saw Sarah Palin punch a hole through a cow just to see what was on the other side.

Palin is so tough, her Moose kills show blunt force trauma…

Sarah Palin doesn’t use bait when she is fishing. She merely touches the hook with a bit of her perfume and the fish jump into the boat.

Sarah Palin is so tough the 1975 Philadephia Flyers won’t play against her.

Sarah Palin is so tough that Osama bin Laden will now star in one of those Southwest Airlines “wanna get away” commercials.

Sarah Palin is so tough, when the glass ceiling heard of her nomination it didn’t shatter, it just fled in terror.

Sarah Palin is so tough she didn’t take off work when she had her baby last Spring. She delivered the baby during a phone conference and finished the day.      Oh wait. That one’s true!!

Governor Palin is soooo tough, she relies on God for her strength!       Oh wait. That one’s true!!

Sarah Palin is so tough her father used to take her moose hunting at 3 in the morning… Oh that was on the news… my bad.

Sarah Palin is so tough she sharpens her hunting knives by giving herself a manicure.

Sarah Palin is so tough, she teaches grizzly bears how to fish.

Sarah Palin is so tough she blows her nose with Chuck Norris!

Sarah Palin is so tough she actually HAS executive experience in her resume…….. not so for Obama-nation....….

Sarah Palin is so tough that some days the Sun won’t even rise over Alaska.

Q: What is the quickest way to a man’s heart?
A: Sarah Palin’s fist.

Sarah Palin is so tough the podium ran away!

Sarah Palin is so tough that she decided to take a ten minute stroll during her lunch hour and ended up winning the Iditarod.

Alaska does not have the death penalty. Instead, murderers are offered the choice between life imprisonment or being given a one hour head start before Palin is allowed to hunt them down. So far, all have chosen life in prison.

Palin single-handedly excavated the Bering Strait on her lunch hour because she “…didn’t like the look of them Russkies”

Sarah Palin doesn’t churn butter. She roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Sarah Palin is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly she will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

During the months of Arctic darkness, the sun shines 24 hours a day in Juneau by executive order from Goveror Palin.

She hunts and eats moose- not for the meat, but because one once crossed the street in front of her car, delaying her trip by 8 seconds. The insult was not forgotten.

Oil is a fossil fuel, derived from the remnants of dead plants and animals. There is oil in Alaska only because Sarah Palin’s ancestors liked to hunt there.

Sarah Palin holds the women's record for the fastest mile. She did it in high heels and it's faster than the mens record.

There are no hurricanes in Alaska because Sarah Palin prevents them.

One time Sarah Palin was attacked in the Alaskan wilderness by a ferocious grizzly, but she was unharmed because she convinced the bear to be pro-life.

When Sarah Palin was doing commercial fishing she once broke all the fingers on one hand. Pain means nothing to Sarah, so she kept working for the rest of the day. What really made her mad was when she noticed that she broke a nail.

Once, Sarah Palin slammed her garage door shut, and caused an avalanche in a mountain valley 12 miles away.

When life hands Sarah Palin lemons, she uses them to beat terrorists. She hates lemonade.


Bruce Willis is jealous of her children’s names. Wow.
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nChrist
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« Reply #121 on: September 05, 2008, 03:17:05 AM »

 Grin   Grin   Grin    ROFL!




I LIKE Governor Sarah Palin! She is truly a breath of fresh air!
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #122 on: September 19, 2008, 11:43:21 PM »



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Joh 9:4  I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
nChrist
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« Reply #123 on: September 20, 2008, 02:25:46 PM »

 Grin   Grin   Grin

That only applies if their name is Miranda!
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Shammu
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« Reply #124 on: September 20, 2008, 04:02:54 PM »

Grin   Grin   Grin

That only applies if their name is Miranda!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





And the best one I've seen!!
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nChrist
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« Reply #125 on: September 20, 2008, 07:46:56 PM »

 Grin   Grin

I can see that the cartoonists are going to have a field-day with this election. Somehow, I don't think it would be smart to even wear moose-scent after-shave in the general vicinity, and wearing antlers would be out of the question.
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #126 on: September 24, 2008, 01:17:04 PM »

Grin   Grin

I can see that the cartoonists are going to have a field-day with this election. Somehow, I don't think it would be smart to even wear moose-scent after-shave in the general vicinity, and wearing antlers would be out of the question.

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« Reply #127 on: September 24, 2008, 01:34:07 PM »

Leno:

And as you know, they've already come out with a Sarah Palin action figure. And today, the Democrats released a Joe Biden action figure. It talks and talks and talks. You just can't get the thing to shut up.

And out on the campaign trail this week, once again, John McCain spoke about the nightmare of being stuck in a tiny 8 x 10 room, thinking he might go crazy. Not in Vietnam; when he got stuck in the Capitol elevator with Joe Biden and he wouldn't shut up.

And as you know, Barack Obama has chosen Delaware Senator Joseph Biden as his running mate. Well, Biden has 35 years of experience in Washington. So between the two of them, that's almost 36 years of experience.

As you know, John McCain is an older white haired man who has been in the Senate over 20 years, voted for the Iraq war, and said Barack Obama did not have the experience to be president. I'm sorry, thatís our intro for next week when Joe Biden is on. Iím sorry, I got confused.

Letterman:

Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate. Yeah nothing says change like a guy who's been in the Senate for 35 years.

Kimmel:

Barack Obama's freshly-minted running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, also spoke tonight, and I have to say, after all the name-related problems this campaign has had, why Obama would pick a vice president with the last name 'Biden' is beyond me. Not that there's anything wrong with the name of Biden, but Obama-Biden, it's like they're trying to make their ticket sound as much like Osama Bin Laden as possible. They found the two guys in America whose names match up most closely with the person we hate more than anyone in the world, and they put them on the bumper stickers, very good thinking.



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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #128 on: October 13, 2008, 04:58:08 PM »

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nChrist
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« Reply #129 on: October 13, 2008, 07:51:11 PM »

 Grin   Grin   Grin

WHAT? - No Tinkerbell?
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #130 on: October 13, 2008, 08:42:49 PM »

Grin   Grin   Grin

WHAT? - No Tinkerbell?

Tinkerbell is one of them that is paying ACORN.

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« Reply #131 on: October 22, 2008, 12:13:42 PM »

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HisDaughter
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« Reply #132 on: October 23, 2008, 12:00:43 PM »



Hahhaha!  Good one PR!
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nChrist
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« Reply #133 on: November 03, 2008, 07:41:10 PM »



 Grin   Grin   Grin   Thanks - I needed that laugh. It does no good to get down, so we might as well all laugh, pray, and continue with GOD'S Business - HE will take care of the rest.

 Grin  Just in case, I am trying to determine what the requirements are to survive COMMUNISM. I don't mind trying to reduce my CARBON FOOTPRINT some, but that's just about ALL.

Love In Christ,
Tom
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« Reply #134 on: November 04, 2008, 12:09:53 AM »

Things to do on a slow day

Start each day with a positive outlook.......... Tongue Tongue

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.

3. Fill it with useless junk.

4. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

5. Empty the Recycle Bin.

6. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama??'

7. Firmly Click 'Yes.'

8. Feel better??


GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!! Grin Grin Grin
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