A little church humor

A little church humor.
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services:
(Summer, 2006 Release)
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning:
"Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
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Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help
they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -

prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him
their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door
at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."