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Author Topic: A little church humor  (Read 4334 times)
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« on: May 03, 2007, 10:52:45 PM »

A little church humor.
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services:
(Summer, 2006 Release)
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning:
"Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help
they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

 So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church
hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -

prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every
kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him
their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door
at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2007, 07:15:10 AM »

Funny!   Grin

When we can soar like the eagles, why do we insist on hiding like the moles?
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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2007, 12:26:42 PM »

These were really good!


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« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2007, 11:36:59 AM »

Keeping in tune with Church humor.

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. after several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"


Be not weary in your serving; Do your best for those in need; Kindness will be rewarded by the Lord who prompts the deed.
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« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2007, 10:11:36 PM »

These are soooo funny.  Thanks!

Heb. 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 
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