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December 14, 2017, 12:14:20 PM

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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
277980 Posts in 26517 Topics by 3790 Members
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Author Topic: Laughter - Good Medicine  (Read 179115 times)
Brother Love
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« Reply #30 on: October 08, 2003, 05:57:31 AM »

Mexican Smuggler

LOL

Brother Love Smiley
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THINGS THAT DIFFER By C.R. Stam
Read it on line for "FREE"

http://www.geocities.com/protestantscot/ttd/ttd_chap1.html

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Forrest
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« Reply #31 on: October 08, 2003, 10:42:17 AM »

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.  The night passed slowly and the cars went by.  The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.  Then suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom.  It slowly crept toward him and stopped.  Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.   When the car slowly started moving again, the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.  He started to pray, begging for his life.  
He was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge to his death when, just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.  Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.  
Finally the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the nearest town.  
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and, voice quavering, ordered two shots of whisky, and told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience.  A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was apparently sane and not drunk.  



About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar.  One says to the other," Look, Ole, that's da guy vat rode in our car ven we vas pushing it in the rain."
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nChrist
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« Reply #32 on: October 08, 2003, 02:47:10 PM »

 Grin   Grin  Forrest - Now - For My Groaner:

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but Mother says I'm not."
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nChrist
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« Reply #33 on: October 08, 2003, 02:50:47 PM »

Another Groaner - I Had To Do It.

The Doctor's daughter:

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to
follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument:

"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
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Brother Love
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« Reply #34 on: October 09, 2003, 04:54:31 AM »

Another Groaner - I Had To Do It.

The Doctor's daughter:

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to
follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument:

"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"


LOL Smiley Smiley Smiley

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THINGS THAT DIFFER By C.R. Stam
Read it on line for "FREE"

http://www.geocities.com/protestantscot/ttd/ttd_chap1.html

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nChrist
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« Reply #35 on: October 09, 2003, 10:40:36 PM »

Children and Humor - True?

NUDITY:

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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nChrist
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« Reply #36 on: October 09, 2003, 10:44:07 PM »

Children and Humor - True?

HONESTY:

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush into the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
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nChrist
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« Reply #37 on: October 09, 2003, 10:56:18 PM »

Children and Humor - True?

ELDERLY:

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
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nChrist
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« Reply #38 on: October 09, 2003, 11:01:01 PM »

Children and Humor - True?

DEATH:

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:

"Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."
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nChrist
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« Reply #39 on: October 09, 2003, 11:05:21 PM »

Children and Humor - True?

SCHOOL:

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE:

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
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nChrist
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« Reply #40 on: October 13, 2003, 02:11:34 AM »

Time for a groaner:

THE DANGER OF SWITCHING JOBS:

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

 For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."






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nChrist
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« Reply #41 on: October 13, 2003, 02:18:35 AM »

The Waiter:

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his
thumb over the meat.
 
"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"
 
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor
again?"
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Brother Love
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« Reply #42 on: October 13, 2003, 04:00:20 AM »

How true (The Waiter) LOL

Brother Love Smiley
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THINGS THAT DIFFER By C.R. Stam
Read it on line for "FREE"

http://www.geocities.com/protestantscot/ttd/ttd_chap1.html

<Smiley))><
Brother Love
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« Reply #43 on: October 13, 2003, 04:51:56 AM »

Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

It is called the "C-Nile Virus

Brother Love Smiley
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THINGS THAT DIFFER By C.R. Stam
Read it on line for "FREE"

http://www.geocities.com/protestantscot/ttd/ttd_chap1.html

<Smiley))><
Brother Love
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« Reply #44 on: October 14, 2003, 04:36:27 AM »

Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First" Meets the 21st Century - for the computer literate !



Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First" Meets the 21st Century for the computer literate !

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm
thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say
I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.
But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in "office" is "office."
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows"?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big blue W if you don't give me
straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need
if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
your business. But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two,
three, and four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a
movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.
It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even
part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But
I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do
you have to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?
How much money do I get?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll
still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for
free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do
you have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my gotcha188.
You know -- accounting? You do it with money.
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need
more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for
the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash.
And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer crashing and I need
something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll
go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in . . . Oh, never mind. *click*
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.  Smiley
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THINGS THAT DIFFER By C.R. Stam
Read it on line for "FREE"

http://www.geocities.com/protestantscot/ttd/ttd_chap1.html

<Smiley))><
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