Laughter - Good Medicine

[HisDaughter]

Cute jokes and I really like your sign BEP!   

[HisDaughter]

A little girl comes home from her first day of school.  She goes to daddy and says "I'm never going to school again!" 
The dad replys "why?"
The little girl exclaims "Because my teacher said 5+5=10, 6+4=10, 7+3=10 ,8+2=10, and that 9+1=10!"
He asks "And your point is?"
The girl, in frustration, yells out, "SO SHE NEEDS TO MAKE UP HER MIND!!!" 

[nChrist]

Cute jokes and I really like your sign BEP!   

Hello Grammluv,

Sister, I hope you already know that you are most welcome to use all of my graphics. If there is something special you need or want, just ask and I'll try to make it for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

   

[nChrist]

Ski Wax

As a ski instructor, I sometimes tease my little pupils. Once I told seven year old Luke that if my skis were faster than his, it was because I'd waxed them with butter.

The next morning his grandmother came to class with him. She took me aside and said, "We had no butter left for breakfast. Luke had spread it all over his skis, claiming that it was the proper way to wax them. I think you should tell the children that instead of listening to nonsense from other beginners, they should only take advice from their teacher."

[nChrist]

Shoebox Dolls

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about..

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

[HisDaughter]

Shoebox Dolls

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about..

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

[HisDaughter]

Hello Grammluv,

Sister, I hope you already know that you are most welcome to use all of my graphics. If there is something special you need or want, just ask and I'll try to make it for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

   

These are great Brother Tom!  Okay...I'll take you up on your offer...how about my favorite verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

[HisDaughter]

Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.

Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.

Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.

Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?

Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor,
My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.

Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.

Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.

Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance.

Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.

Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor,
I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner.

Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you.

Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.

Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor,
Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?

Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.

Carla. Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.

Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?

Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston

[nChrist]

         ROFL! - The Dear Pastor quotes were hillarious.

These are great Brother Tom!  Okay...I'll take you up on your offer...how about my favorite verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Hello Grammyluv,

Sister Yvette, I'll do much better than this. Please watch for an email from me. I'm just now reminded that I've never offered to make a graphic for you, and I feel bad about this. My memory just isn't as good as it used to be, so I'll make numerous graphics for you.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Philippians 4:19 NIV  19  And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

[nChrist]

Priest Twin

Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.

It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.

As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.

[nChrist]

Cheap Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

[nChrist]

Chute Error

While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.

Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."

[nChrist]

Bedtime Suggestion

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."

Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

[nChrist]

"R" Troubles

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.'' In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''

[nChrist]

Hybrid Car

My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."

"Really? What did he get?"

"Fifteen years for theft."