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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
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Author Topic: Laughter - Good Medicine  (Read 455699 times)
HisDaughter
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« Reply #2445 on: March 10, 2009, 11:00:19 AM »

A group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
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nChrist
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« Reply #2446 on: March 10, 2009, 09:59:04 PM »

A group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.


 Grin  There used to be a RULE that you never negotiate or give in to terrorists, but this event changed the rules!

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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2447 on: March 11, 2009, 10:33:22 AM »

This one is in honor of my 52nd birthday, today!....


What are seniors citizens worth? They are worth a fortune, with all the silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and lead in their feet.

As for myself, I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. I immediately go to see John. After that Charlie Horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint. Finally after such a busy tiring day, I'm really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!

P.S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, 'Oh I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself...'What am I here after?'


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David_james
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« Reply #2448 on: March 11, 2009, 04:29:07 PM »

Happy Birthday Sister  Smiley
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2449 on: March 12, 2009, 11:04:11 AM »

Happy Birthday Sister  Smiley

Thank you very much Brother David!  I had a wonderful and then the kids took me out for my favorite dinner....Mexican Food!   Grin
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« Reply #2450 on: March 12, 2009, 11:16:04 AM »

Hollywood Squares


These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?

If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.?
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.

True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes...

You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.

According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...

What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don't recommend the cookies!

If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him, I guess.

Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!

Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What's that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.

Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.

Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn. 
 

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« Reply #2451 on: March 12, 2009, 11:17:13 AM »

This one is in honor of my 52nd birthday, today!....



I knew you were older then me but, Happy (belated) Birthday sister................ Grin Grin Grin Grin
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2452 on: March 12, 2009, 11:47:10 AM »

I knew you were older then me but, Happy (belated) Birthday sister................ Grin Grin Grin Grin

That may be.....but I'm much better looking!


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« Reply #2453 on: March 12, 2009, 11:56:19 AM »

That may be.....but I'm much better looking!




*YIKES*  Exit stage right, in a panic!!   
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2454 on: March 13, 2009, 10:32:20 AM »

Remember When...

A computer was something on t.v.
from a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
and ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was a job for the nights
now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a t.v. show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3" floppy
you hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for awhile
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened in your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web site was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
 
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« Reply #2455 on: March 13, 2009, 12:13:02 PM »

 Grin Grin

I think that is the best "Remember when" that I have seen.

Speaking of memory ... I've been looking for mine all morning and can't remember where I put it.

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« Reply #2456 on: March 13, 2009, 01:17:57 PM »

Grin Grin

I think that is the best "Remember when" that I have seen.
I concur  Grin
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« Reply #2457 on: March 14, 2009, 12:09:09 AM »



Speaking of memory ... I've been looking for mine all morning and can't remember where I put it.



I'm going to be nice and say, "NO COMMENT!!"

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nChrist
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« Reply #2458 on: March 14, 2009, 02:30:47 AM »

I'm going to be nice and say, "NO COMMENT!!"


 Grin  You just don't remember what you were going to say.

By the way, what were we talking about?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER YVETTE! Just think - 20 more years and you'll be middled-aged.



 
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2459 on: March 14, 2009, 11:00:06 AM »

Grin Grin

Speaking of memory ... I've been looking for mine all morning and can't remember where I put it.



I resemble that remark.   Roll Eyes
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