Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

       

Sister Yvette, I have experienced all of these laws at least once, so I resemble those remarks.   

It's definitely time for a cup of coffee.

[nChrist]

Parking Lot Stay

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched, full-out, on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a very pretty young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park"?

(Small Print:  Dare I say it - Yes - GROAN!)

[HisDaughter]

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of the cleric is hurt. After they crawl out of the remains of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. And I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and become friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of schnapps didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

He offers the bottle to the priest who willingly takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, " Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No thanks. I think I'll wait for the police."

[nChrist]

    

Oooooooophs! Don't you just love that moment when you know that you've been had? If Elmer Fudd had been at the accident scene, I think he would have said, "You wascally wabbi!"

[nChrist]

Lost Ball

My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"

[nChrist]

TRUE STORY - READ THIS CAREFULLY AND LAUGH!

How would you pronounce this child's name?  'Le-a'

 

Leah?? NO Lee - A??  NOPE Lay - a??   Guess Again.

 

 

It's pronounced 'Ledasha.'   Yes...you read it right.

 

This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.   Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her daughter's name wrong.

 

When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said..

 

"The dash don't be silent."

[Soldier4Christ]

My wife is still scratching and shaking her head on that one.

[nChrist]

My wife is still scratching and shaking her head on that one.

          

The same happened to me until I figured out that the mother actually wanted the punctuation mark pronounced and part of the name

In other words

Tom.

would be pronounced Tomperiod

This grows on you, especially when you realize it's real and from a bunch of teachers.

The "DASH" was not silent in this little girl's name.   

[Soldier4Christ]

Yep. I had to figure that out before I told it to my wife. (I didn't want to seem stupid.) I finally had to explain it to her.

 

[nChrist]

          

Brother, you wouldn't believe the names of some of the kids these days. I kid you not on the next two names that were actual first names of children going to my wife's school in the last 10 years. I could probably get some that are better if she was awake, but I remember these two:

Tide

Palmolive

(Small Print:  I would rather be a boy named "Sue" like the country and western song.)

[Soldier4Christ]

lol   Better to be called Sue than a wash out. There are a few weird names around here but most are fairly common. One family gave their kids the names of the month. When they reached December they started on days of the week. I don't know if they ever made it through the week or not. 

While I was at the hospital recently I overheard a guy trying to give his new born son the name Satan. The hospital nurses wouldn't let him do it so he named him Damian.

I remember hearing some names given to kids when I was in Memphis. I couldn't believe that parents would actually call their kids those kind of names.

[David_james]

I had a friend who's name was rainbow

I know there are some people who are named Jesus. Nothing odd about that but I read that someone changed their name to Jesus Christ

[Soldier4Christ]

Yes, there have been quite a few that have changed their name to Jesus Christ. One just recently that did so actually tells people that he is the returned Messiah. Scripture is being fulfilled.

[HisDaughter]

        

In other words

Tom.

would be pronounced Tomperiod

I'm on my out the door with my grandson when I spotted this as I was going to turn my computer off and started laughing out loud.. My grandson ran in the room and wanted to know what I laughing about!! 

[HisDaughter]

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"