Laughter - Good Medicine

[HisDaughter]

We Are But Dust...


A visiting minister prayed during the offertory prayer:

"Dear Lord" he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening very carefully for a change) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little voice,"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point.

[nChrist]

We Are But Dust...


A visiting minister prayed during the offertory prayer:

"Dear Lord" he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening very carefully for a change) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little voice,"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point.

I don't get it!   

 

[HisDaughter]

Scottish Logic


A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this!'

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way.

[nChrist]

          

GROAN!

At least I know how to get all the kids home for Christmas now. BUT, I think that pay back on this one would be bad.

[HisDaughter]

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't, " said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

 

[nChrist]

Finally, I have a real knee-slapper - certainly not a groaner.   
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AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:


Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.

For High Blood Pressure Sufferers - Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.

A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.


Daily Thought:
Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.
____________________________________

(Small Print:  I can't decide which one I like the best.)   

[Soldier4Christ]

If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

I fixed an electrical problem one time with a hammer. The lamp didn't work. I didn't need to worry about the lamp after that.

Daily Thought:
Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.

That's why this one is so funny:

[HisDaughter]

Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.

I fixed an electrical problem one time with a hammer. The lamp didn't work. I didn't need to worry about the lamp after that.

Daily Thought:
Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.

That's why this one is so funny:

[nChrist]

       

UM? - I wonder if that penguin is embarrassed watching that replay. That poor penguin is probably in therapy now.      IT JUST BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE - JUST ONE! 

[Soldier4Christ]

I don't know about him being embarrassed but I think he's a bit dizzy.

[Barbara]

Story With a Moral

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment. Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and started to tell their stories.

There were all the regular stories, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then teacher, much to her dismay, realized that only Ernie was left.

"Ernie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm when her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with her gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last enemy with her bare hands."

"Good heavens", said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen after she's been drinking!"

[nChrist]

       

Thanks for that laugh Sister Barbara! I think that we all need a laugh tonight.

[HisDaughter]

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'
  The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. 

What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'
 
'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.

'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. 

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'

'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS  EVEN!!!!!

[Barbara]

 Now that's good  It could be the help we need in this 'gas' crisis...

[HisDaughter]

Now that's good  It could be the help we need in this 'gas' crisis...