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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
287009 Posts in 27572 Topics by 3790 Members
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Author Topic: Laughter - Good Medicine  (Read 454250 times)
HisDaughter
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« Reply #2010 on: August 23, 2008, 12:49:16 PM »

I don't get it. Where is the punchline?

America was saved.  The whole country was saved.  Grin Grin Grin
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2011 on: August 23, 2008, 12:55:00 PM »

Okay.  It seems my last joke didn't go over very big.....lets try this one..... Grin


 The Presidential election was too close to call.
 Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic
 candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about
 ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long
 ice fishing competition seemed the sportsman-like way to
 settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at
 the end of the week would win the election.
 
 Therefore, it was decided that there should
 be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to
 determine the winner.
 
 After much back and forth discussion, it
 was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen
 lake in northern Minnesota .
 
 There were to be no observers present, and
 both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated
 lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and 
 verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the
 first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.
 
 Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well,
 everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad
 hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up
 the next day.
 
 At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in
 with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.
 
 That evening, Harry Reid got together
 secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc.
 is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go
 out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just
 spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'
 
 The next night (after John Mc. returns with
 50 fish), Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc.
 cheating?'
 
 Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not
 going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the
 ice.'


 Experience Counts
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #2012 on: August 23, 2008, 01:08:16 PM »

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not
 going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the
 ice.'


 Experience Counts


Somehow this is believable.

 Grin Grin Grin

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« Reply #2013 on: August 23, 2008, 05:43:20 PM »

I don't get it. Where is the punchline?

The punch line is the second picture. The punch line is America, is saved. I know some times American idiotism are hard for others in different countries to understand.

Idiotism means - An idiom; a form, mode of expression, or signification, peculiar to a language.
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David_james
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« Reply #2014 on: August 23, 2008, 10:08:04 PM »

The punch line is the second picture. The punch line is America, is saved. I know some times American idiotism are hard for others in different countries to understand.

Idiotism means - An idiom; a form, mode of expression, or signification, peculiar to a language.
thank you
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Rev 21:4  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
nChrist
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« Reply #2015 on: August 24, 2008, 12:44:08 AM »

 Grin   Grin   Grin    ROFL!

I was going to say this thread is far too intellectual for my tastes until I read about the fishing contest between Obama and McCain. I loved it, and I'm going to start using the new "Mutley" that Grammyluv posted.


AND, here's a new BIG LAUGH that I'll share with everyone.


 
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #2016 on: August 24, 2008, 07:58:44 AM »

AND, here's a new BIG LAUGH that I'll share with everyone.


This guy looks familiar. I wonder if they're laughing at the same thing?




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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2017 on: August 24, 2008, 11:20:05 AM »

This guy looks familiar. I wonder if they're laughing at the same thing?






That was EXACTLY my first thought! 
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2018 on: August 24, 2008, 11:22:53 AM »

A Message For The Moon


When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which his son translated. "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon.

The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He too laughed and reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."   

« Last Edit: August 24, 2008, 11:24:58 AM by grammyluv » Logged

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Shammu
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« Reply #2019 on: August 24, 2008, 09:40:26 PM »

This guy looks familiar. I wonder if they're laughing at the same thing?




Hey, that bird looks familiar!! Gee wizz, I wonder if it is from Dreamweaver's photobucket!! Tongue Tongue Tongue



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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #2020 on: August 24, 2008, 10:07:19 PM »

Hey, that bird looks familiar!! Gee wizz, I wonder if it is from Dreamweaver's photobucket!! Tongue Tongue Tongue




It might be.   Grin Grin Grin

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« Reply #2021 on: August 24, 2008, 10:26:05 PM »

It might be.   Grin Grin Grin





Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #2022 on: August 25, 2008, 10:38:01 AM »

A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to God. The man asked, "God, what's a million years to you?" And God said "A minute." Then the man asked: "Well, what's a million dollars to you?" and God said: "A penny." Then the man asked: "God.....can I have a penny?" And God said: "Sure.....In a minute."
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« Reply #2023 on: August 26, 2008, 01:17:31 PM »

Bank Customer's Revenge

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement, which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2000, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following:

First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, prerecorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.

From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate.

You will be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that a Justice of the Peace must countersign all copies of his or her medical history and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee a PIN number, which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours.

Authorized Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice. By pressing buttons on the phone, he/she will be guided through an extensive set of menus:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing repayment.
3. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
4. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there, the extension of which to be communicated at the time the call is received.
5. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping, the extension of which will also be communicated at the time the call is received.
6. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature, the extension of toilet to be communicated at the time the call is received.
7. To transfer the call to my mobile phone in case I am not home.
8. To leave a message on my computer. To leave a message a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the contact.
9. To return to the main menu and listen carefully to options 1 through 9.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration. This month I've chosen a refrain from The Best Of Woody Guthrie: "Oh, the banks are made of marble with a guard at every door and the vaults are filled with silver that the miners sweated for"

After twenty minutes of that, our mutual contact will probably know it by heart. On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost--a cost that you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back.

First, there is the matter of advertising material you send me. This I will read for a fee of $20/page. Inquiries from your nominated contact will be billed at $5 per minute of my time spent in response. Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonored check, will be passed back to you. My new phone service runs at 75 cents a minute (even Woody Guthrie doesn't come free), so you would be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

Your humble client 
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #2024 on: August 26, 2008, 02:27:22 PM »

I want to get one of those phone systems.  Cheesy Cheesy

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