Laughter - Good Medicine

[Hary]

Then I won't say that it only got to about 35^oC here today. On the radio down here, they say 32 is warm to hot. I thinking what do they call it when the temperature gets to 47^oC?

[Soldier4Christ]

I thinking what do they call it when the temperature gets to 47^oC?

Air conditioning time?   

[Shammu]

Air conditioning time?   

I would say so, 35 degrees Celsius is about what, 94-95^oF degrees?

[HisDaughter]

~ Stupidity got us into this mess... So why can't it get us out?

~ People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

~ Indecision! It's the key to flexibility.

~ Think about it! In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

~ I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

~ Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

~ My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

~ I am having an out of money experience.

~ I plan on living forever... So far, so good.

~ Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

~ I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

~ I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

~ Everyone has a photographic memory... Some don't have film.

~ Save the whales. Collect the whole set!

~ On the other hand, you have different fingers.

~ Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

[HisDaughter]

A man forgot to buy turkey for Thanksgiving
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

[HisDaughter]

Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.

3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake

4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV.

6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

[HisDaughter]

[HisDaughter]

[HisDaughter]

[Soldier4Christ]

Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

I like that one. Do it just before anyone gets to seconds and there will be more for me.   

 

4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

A good way to get a sermon in.   

[Def]

I like that one. Do it just before anyone gets to seconds and there will be more for me.  

 
A good way to get a sermon in.  

Cool I like the anwering machine one  of Grammyluv
As for the turkey well i like them alive all dress feathers and all

[Soldier4Christ]

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing in the upright position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

[HisDaughter]

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing in the upright position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

   You sure that wasn't a politician?

[Soldier4Christ]

   You sure that wasn't a politician?

With the public school teachers being what they are is there really a difference anymore?

[HisDaughter]

With the public school teachers being what they are is there really a difference anymore?

Yep.  It'd be a hard call wouldn't it?